the end of all things

Warning: Much angst and melodrama up ahead. It's the first fiction I've written in an age, and my first attempt at a non-badfic.

---


... I'll love you all over again.

There'd been a time when the surfaces of the desks and benches had been visible. Now they were covered in flasks of decidedly exotic heritage, some boasting three or more openings and all connected to each other by rubber tubing. Every few seconds, a flask would emit a loud 'pop', and cause the entire ensemble to shake and steam. The net impression was that the cellar housed an overwarm and restless beast composed almost entirely of glass.
All this was familiar to the man crouched at the largest bench. He poured liquid from flask to flask in slightly stiff, automatic motions, while a particularly vehement flask burped bubbles into his silvery hair.
He heard her before he saw her. Long ago, he'd taken pride in the knowledge that he was the only man who knew her movements well enough that he could distinguish her step in a storm... or more often, in almost complete silence. Now he wished that she could surprise him again, that he could surprise her.
"Kelsey."
Her voice was throaty, but then it had always been throaty. He closed his eyes as her arms encircled his waist from behind, felt her cheek come to rest against his back.
"Yes, dear?" Funny how his voice sounded so pleasant, normal even. He truly wished that he didn't know what she would say next.
"We've almost run out of the potion, my love... and we cannot keep the store running without it."
Yes we can! The answering cry in his mind was now more repetition than rebellion... Gods, he knew the point was not worth arguing anymore. They'd merely end the fight when her stricken gaze touched his heart and he relented. Or when she gave him that certain smile and he could not help but respond. Once or twice, he'd even refused so that she would have to resort to her old ploy... and that time she'd pulled him to the floor! Making love on the smooth wood, their images reflected in the hundreds of bottles surrounding them... a faint smile passed over his face at the memory.
"Dear?"
He opened his eyes and swiveled in her arms to face her. "Of couse, love. I'll have them ready in the morning." His smile was crooked, but she probably wouldn?t notice. Lately, she?d become more and more occupied with the store, leaving him alone in his cellar workroom.
?Thankyou, Kelsey. You?re the sweetest man alive,? her smile was as beautiful as ever, but her eyes betrayed their distraction. Probably already figuring out whose pockets are to be emptied tomorrow?s eve, he thought bitterly. He forced the thought from his mind. After all, he?d promised to understand.
?Dear,? he began, but her mouth was on his before he could go further. Almost by reflex he pulled her tight against him, breathing her in. Before his eyes closed, he pulled the pins from her hair so that he could bunch it in his fingers as he kissed her. The flowing mass, now silver, was soft as ever, and her lips were as well.
?I love you,? he whispered and he felt her hand touch his cheek. Then without warning, she pulled away from him and disappeared up the stairs, leaving him cold. This kiss had been even shorter than the last time.
He turned back to the bench and began to clean a new bottle. For her? and her hobby. It was an ugly hole in their relationship, and lately it had been growing larger. Some days, especially on days like today, he was afraid the hole would swallow his image of her. Other days, when the store did well and they had gold aplenty, he laughed at such a ridiculous idea. But those days were getting fewer. Amn was growing too large and the competition was too fierce. She had the strength to fight for their corner of the land, but he doubted he would last much longer.
The bottle slipped in his grasp and his fingers tightened around it convulsively. Perhaps it would be best to break it, break all his equipment. Then they could start again, a new store, away from the city?
Yes, starting again. The fantasy popped into his mind, so clear it might have been an illusion brought on by one of his more experimental potions. The two of them, silver haired and more wrinkled versions, back on the road? Perhaps they would end up walking the same paths where they?d first loved each other.
His fantasy had carried him up the cellar stairs and into the store before he realised it. She was dressing in her black garb, her silver hair pouring down her back. He wondered how she managed to appeal to him in so many ways? how he could not help but love her every time he saw her. Adhering to an old ritual, he slipped behind her and kissed the nape of her neck gently before pinning her hair into a tight bun.
?Darling, I have an idea that I would really like you to hear.? The bun was finished, so he slipped her dark hood up over her hair. As the hood slid into place, he heard her give a quick, frustrated sigh.
?What is it, Kelsey??
The warning signs were there, but he chose to ignore them.
?I once promised you a villa near Berdusk, where we could ride horses and live among friends. That villa is still there, and with the proceeds from the store, we could really make a fine home. Think about it, dear. The surrounding acres are still there, and I?m betting there?ll still be horses. We?ll ride them, you and I, though our bones might tell us we?re well past the age for such things.
?We could be silly again. We?d find green glades to cuddle in, and I?ll make my potions in some disused corner of the house while you charm the neighbours into buying our wares. You could hone your skills in the forest, or climb hilltops and sing at the top of your voice? anything you please.
?But most of all, it would mean that I could be near you always. We can?t continue like this, not in Amn. You know that even your nightly forays cannot make up for our losses, and in time we won?t have enough gold even to consider leaving Amn.?
Her face was hidden in the shadows of her hood, so he couldn?t see her expression, though her breathing was quick. She reached up to brush some determined bubbles from his head.
?And everyone will love me, respect me, and trust me.? Her tone was gentle and dreamy.
?You remember.?
Her head shifted a fraction and he saw that her eyes were bright beneath the hood. ?Of course I remember. That must have been around about the fiftieth time I fell in love with you.?
Her fingers traced the waves of his hair.
?But my darling, Amn is my home- our home. I love it here, almost as much as I love you. Could you deny me my home?? Now her lips became visible, frowning slightly.
?I could never deny you anything, but don?t you see that this cannot work? It?s pulling us away from each other- and I can?t stand it anymore!?
?This is about the potions, isn?t it? It?s not about the villa, or being together. You just want me to stop!? She jerked out of his arms and glared at him, ?We?ve had this argument before, Kelsey. I?m not going to stop. Don?t you see that I?m doing this for you- for us??
?But I never asked for wealth- and you know how I feel about the stealing.? Gods, he was shifting from foot to foot again, a habit that he knew infuriated her.
?And you told me that you?d understand!? She was pacing now. ?I gave up godhood for you, and now you ask me to give up my home and my calling? What more do you want from me??
?I just want.. I just want to be with you,? he whispered.
Her words came in a hiss, ?You and every other millstone around my neck.?
He gasped in shock and she froze at the sound, her eyes wide. They stared at each other for a moment before her eyes filled with tears. She sprang forward to touch his face, but he pulled away roughly. Not this time.
?Kelsey!? she cried out.
He wouldn?t look at her. ?Some words cannot be healed with a kiss. You should know this by now.
?I.. I love you, but.. but I cannot live like this.. with this. Not anymore.? And a man his age should be past crying.

She couldn?t pull him away from his packing. There wasn?t much that was his anyway, not much that had been bought with honest money. His robes, some of his potions? and a strand of her silver hair.
He managed to avoid her gaze until he reached the threshold of the store. But there should be some parting words, an acknowledgement perhaps, of all they had been through. Some words to show that he still loved her, would not stop loving her. He turned, but she spoke first.
?Goodbye, my love? My favourite sorceror? My Kelsey.?
And he stood in the full light of her farewell smile, unable to move.