. Great work. :thumb: . I think I was too busy getting caught up in the story to look for any grammar or misspellings! 
. Good on you... I assume this is a one post story? It was great anyway. 
Comments on 'The Shade'
Started by Shadowhawke, Sep 20 2004 05:34 PM
3 replies to this topic
#1
Shadowhawke
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- Modder
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Starlight Seeker
Posted 20 September 2004 - 05:34 PM
Wonderfully spooky, SConrad. And a magnificent effort, considering you are ESL. . Great work. :thumb: . I think I was too busy getting caught up in the story to look for any grammar or misspellings! . Good on you... I assume this is a one post story? It was great anyway.
. Great work. :thumb: . I think I was too busy getting caught up in the story to look for any grammar or misspellings! . Good on you... I assume this is a one post story? It was great anyway.
Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love
***
And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain
#2
VigaHrolf
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God of Paperclips
Posted 20 September 2004 - 08:29 PM
An interesting tale of the macabre and haunting spirits, SConrad. You have quite the story there and considering you are ESL, it is very good.
I also think that, while it is good now, you certainly could make it better. Your descriptions could be fleshed out a bit to give us a sense of the size of the house, its decor, how well kept it is and also a basic description of the four unfortunate souls. Also, one little word thing is I think you meant that the English king desecrated the body of this Scotsman, not descended on it.
But it is good. I hope we get to see more.
VH
I also think that, while it is good now, you certainly could make it better. Your descriptions could be fleshed out a bit to give us a sense of the size of the house, its decor, how well kept it is and also a basic description of the four unfortunate souls. Also, one little word thing is I think you meant that the English king desecrated the body of this Scotsman, not descended on it.
But it is good. I hope we get to see more.
VH
#3
SConrad
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- 11148 posts
I swear to drunk I'm not God
Posted 21 September 2004 - 04:18 PM
Thanks, VH!An interesting tale of the macabre and haunting spirits, SConrad. You have quite the story there and considering you are ESL, it is very good.
True, I hadn't considered this...I also think that, while it is good now, you certainly could make it better. Your descriptions could be fleshed out a bit to give us a sense of the size of the house, its decor, how well kept it is and also a basic description of the four unfortunate souls.
Oh? Well, yes...Also, one little word thing is I think you meant that the English king desecrated the body of this Scotsman, not descended on it.
And thanks to Shadowhawke, too...
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#4
thecursed
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Just a ghost from the past
Posted 26 September 2004 - 04:14 PM
i agree that working on the atmosphere of the house, description of the noises an old house makes, the wind blowing outside, or just the silence that always accompanies death. it would lengthen the text but also add much
"Destiny, chance, fate, fortune.... they're all just ways of claiming your successes without claiming your failures"
Gerrard of the Weatherlight
Wisdom: Distinguish the extraordinary from the spectacular
Beware My ever shifting avatar!!
Gerrard of the Weatherlight
Wisdom: Distinguish the extraordinary from the spectacular
Beware My ever shifting avatar!!
