79 replies to this topic

[Celestine]

Thanks Shadowhawke for the review. Its a chapter that I wrote a few months ago. In fact I totally forgot that it exists until recently... I'll think about filling out the chapter, still haven't quite found my muse yet.

[DalreïDal]

Ah, it's nice to see this story bouncing back up I don't have much to say since it was rather short, but I'd agree with Shadowhawke: there could have been a bit more "filling" to "smooth" the battle descriptions.

Aside from that, I'm waiting for the next chapter You know I want to know what indignified test the Solar is going to put Rivian through this time

[Celestine]

Thanks DalreïDal. I'm torn between trying to fill out the chapter or working on the new one. Still having trouble with my muse but I did manage to write a few paragraphs, so hopefully I'll have something to post soon. hehe.

[Shadowhawke]

Great to see another chapter up again so soon, Celestine! Rivian and Elhan's developing relationship was interesting, but I have to say, the part that caught me most was the interaction between Imoen, Sarevok, and Rivian. Good stuff

Just one little thing; during the Imoen-Rivian-Sarveok part, there was just a small grammatical error.

Imoen bit her lips in anger and was about to rebuke the fighter when the moon elf interrupted her. "Enough! Haven't you see sense yet? You had the power and you tapped into it without reservations. Where did that land you?"

I think it should be 'Haven't you seen sense yet?' . Other than that, your new chapter is good except for the flow problems again. I you find more time to fill out, that would be great

But yes... thanks for another advancement in your story, Celestine! I'm really looking forwards to more

[Celestine]

Thank you so much Shadowhawke. I seemed to keep running into problems with flow. I got a small segment for the next chapter written but I'm not quite sure if it'll fit into the storyline. Is it ok if I PM you the segment and get your opinion on it?

[leahnkain]

I have really enjoyed reading your story, I wonder with Riv's sword if you will provide more history on the item?

[Celestine]

Heyas Leahnkain, thanks for reading and commenting. Sorry, I'm a little confused, do you need Enelya's history in the story (its forged by Elhan) or for Classic Adventures?

Enelya's a blade crafted and enchanted by Elhan. I can most likely work out the enchantments details on the blade but perhaps not the history, as the sword's quite a new sword. For C.A, if you need more history on Enelya, please let me know. I'll be happy to think of something.

[Shadowhawke]

Thank you so much Shadowhawke. I seemed to keep running into problems with flow. I got a small segment for the next chapter written but I'm not quite sure if it'll fit into the storyline. Is it ok if I PM you the segment and get your opinion on it?

Go right ahead

[DalreïDal]

Hey Celestine!
I was glad to see another of your chapters up. I found it better than the previous one for flow, and Rivian and Elhan are just so cuuuuuute together

[Celestine]

Thanks Shadowhawke. I'll send it once SHS has move over to the new server, that'll give me sometime to write a bit more.

Thank you DalreïDal. hehe. *winks* I think Elhan's cute, once he's not so aloof.

[Riviera]

I really like how this story is going, I was following it on Fanfiction, and just found it here.

Riv and Elhan make a cute couple, plus I really like the bladesinger class..

Keep up the good work!

[Celestine]

Thank you so much, Riviera.

[DalreïDal]

I clearly wouldn't like being either one of the lovebirds when Jaheira inspects Elhan's neck. But I think Imoen was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too easy on them with her teasing

[Celestine]

Thanks for reading and commenting DalreïDal. hehe. I suppose Imoen can be rather devious with her teasing. Its fun to have a bit of comic relief at the risk of overshadowing the key plots. I had doubts when I wrote that part, not sure if it sits well on the whole. Glad you enjoy it.

Edited by Celestine, 24 October 2006 - 05:45 AM.

[Shadowhawke]

*snickers* Yes, I too found that scene rather amusing .

Good new chapter, Celestine, and as DalreiDal noted, I think you're cleaning up your flow issues . Great work.

[Celestine]

Thanks so much Shadowhawke. Thanks for helping me with the flow problems as well. At first, I was rather confused by it but now I understand what you mean.

[Shadowhawke]

Great to see another new chapter, Celestine! This was nice, I liked your interaction between Sarevok and Imoen . Just two little nitpicks...

"It is time to end your evil rein!"

I think the last word should be 'reign', yeah? Just a small typo.

He wasted no time and charged at the enemy and using his heavy two-handed sword with ease, he slashed at the creature. It did not take long for me to overcome the Salamander.

I think that 'me' should be 'him', yeah?

I'm incredibly sorry for nitpicking >.<;;. Just wanted to point them out to you. I did really like this chapter . As I said, I liked the little bits you put in for several of your characters .

[Celestine]

Thanks so much for pointing out the typos, Shadowhawke. I'm fixing them now.

[DalreïDal]

It's nice to see another chapter up It was a bit short but then, the end is coming quickly now... I liked the "argument" between Elhan and Rivian about her needing to take cover behind the front lines.

Just one nitpick: when Rivian makes Elhan drink a healing potion, you say he "obeyed obediently". Isn't that sort of repetitive? How about "obeyed meekly" or "complied obediently" or something else I can't come up with instantly?

Looking forward to the next chapter

[Celestine]

Thanks for pointing that out, DalreïDal. You're right. It does look awkward now that I look at that sentence again. lol. I'll fix it right away.


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