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Crazy Celvan's lyrics

Started by NiGHTMARE, Oct 30 2005 09:55 AM

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#41 Meira

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 04:31 AM

That's all I have for the moment. If you find some more, I, for one, will read them with great interest.

Though still an unreleased mod NPC here's Amber's limerick:

"There once was a girl, kind and sweet
Wanted but good for all she'd meet.
But the blood in her veins
Never spared them from pains;
Will all her dreams end in defeat?"
Ihmeellinen meri

Kummalliset kalat liukuvat syvyydessä,
tuntemattomat kukat loistavat rannalla;
olen nähnyt punaista ja keltaista ja kaikki toiset värit -
mutta ihana meri on vaarallista nähdä,
se herättää tulevien seikkailujen janon:
mitä on tapahtunut sadussa, on tapahtuva minullekin.

- Edith Södergran


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#42 -Ashara-

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 06:01 AM

Yoshimo, since nobody tried him yet:

There once was a man who knew best
To hunt men and earn gold on this quest
But they say that a mage
Locked him up in a cage
Can he flee and think it a fine jest?

#43 -Ashara-

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 06:16 AM

There once was a man quite content,
Until one day he found new intent
In the druidic life.
But a 'No!' said his wife,
So alone from the city he went.


I don't have a problem with the poetry here, but I think that Galia acted very softly with Cernd, letting him go, and they parted by mutual agreement. That old neighbour of theirs inplicates that she did that because she loved him, and he did not see through her shum, but Cernd did leave in good faith, trusting that his wife has all she needs, and not knowing about the child. This one though implicates that they quarelled and he stormed out in anger effectually abandoning her.

#44 Kulyok

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 07:11 AM

There once was a man who knew best
To hunt men and earn gold on this quest
But they say that a mage
Locked him up in a cage
Can he flee and think it a fine jest?


The second line is out of line for me (sorry for the pun), I'd delete "earn" - looks nicer, I think.

The last line I do not quite understand, though.

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#45 -Ashara-

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 07:16 AM

Trying to chase 3 anapest metres (3 syllables each) here. The last line, what I guess, I am trying to say is that he who chased and captured men was caught himself, and since Yoshimo appears to be fond of jokes and ironies he might just find it (alleged 'capture', read 'geas' for a more subtle hint) funny.

Edited by Ashara, 31 October 2005 - 07:17 AM.

#46 Kulyok

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 07:20 AM

Oh, and "this quest"->"his quest" - would sound more intruguing, I think.

Yeah, but your second line must match the first line, and you have 8 and 9 syllables respectively.

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#47 Miss Sakaki

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 07:29 AM

If you remove "fine" from the last line it scans better, I think.

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#48 -Ashara-

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 07:29 AM

The way Morning Glory explains it, the "There once" is the full anapest meter:

There once' -- was an heir' -- to a hold',

and you need three of full anapest meters, rather than matching syllables:

so, I think that:

There once -- was a man -- who knew best

matches that construction.


Id a syllable is missing, it could be:

There once was a slay man who knew best...

#49 Kulyok

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 08:47 AM

I am talking about the second line, not the first. The first line is fine.

But the second one is one syllable longer than it should be, compared with the first. They go in pairs, 1-2 and 3-4, fifth matches the first two.

There once(2) - was a man(3) - who knew best(3)
To hunt menp(3) - and earn gold(3) - on this quest(3) - should be one less

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BG1 NPC, Romantic Encounters

#50 -Ashara-

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 09:34 AM

I think that "There once" gotta be 3 syllables, making up one anapest meter (two unaccented syllables and one accented on the end), hence the first and second line both have 9 syllables each. At least that is the way I understood Morning Glory's explanation, since she had shown the "There once" as one full Anapest meter in her break up of Nalia's limerick.

One Anapest meter consists of 3 syllables.

1, 2 and 5 th line have to be made from 3 full Anapest meters (2 first ones being unaccented, the third accented) ie 9 syllables.
3 and 4 th lines have to be made of 2 full Anapest meters, ie 6 syllables.

Edited by Ashara, 31 October 2005 - 09:40 AM.

#51 Kulyok

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 10:16 AM

Both are possible:
http://www.bbc.co.uk...abaster/A218206 ,

However, the principle remains - the first and the second line must match each other. Yours are still different.

IWD NPC, Xan, The Sellswords, Back to Brynnlaw, Assassinations, Dungeon Crawl, Reunion, Branwen, Coran, Tiax, Xan BG1 Friendship
BG1 NPC, Romantic Encounters

#52 -Ashara-

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 10:23 AM

Well, if you think that 'there once" is two syllables, than it will read:

There once was a man who knew best
To hunt men and gold on his quest
But they say that a mage
Locked him up in a cage
Can he flee and think it a jest?

#53 Kulyok

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 10:34 AM

Yes! Yes, that is it exactly!

*hugs Domi happily*

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#54 Princeps

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 10:56 AM

Both are possible:
http://www.bbc.co.uk...abaster/A218206 ,

However, the principle remains - the first and the second line must match each other. Yours are still different.


Yet it still works rhytmically, so it could be worse. Basically, as long as the stressed syllables are 3+3+2+2+3, it works.

Ashara's latest version appeared while I was writing this, and while I agree that dropping 'fine' in the last line was a good thing, I'm not sure I would have dropped 'earn' in line 2. As the first stress must be on 'men' we get ta-ra-TA, ta-TA, ta-ra-TA instead of three ta-ra-TAs. Well, it's a matter of taste. Or maybe not. No, if you are sure the current version is formally more correct, I'm fine with it :-)

What a fun thread this was!

#55 -Ashara-

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 11:47 AM

Here, to make NM's life easier if he decided to do a minimod. Here are all the versions so far:

Cernd:

"There once was a man quite content,
until he found a new intent.
But sadly the druid's life
was no place for his wife,
and alone to the wild he went" (NM)

There once was a man quite content,
Until one day he found new intent
In the druidic life.
But a 'No!' said his wife,
So alone from the city he went. (Princeps variation)

Edwin:

"There once was an evil wizard red,
who inspired great feelings of dread.
With deadly, powerful spells,
this great mage clearly excels.
What a shame he's such a bighead!" (NM)

There once was a wizard in red -
A true inspiration of dread.
In a powerful spell
He could really excel;
Too bad he had such a big head! (Princes variation)

Haer?Dalis:

There once was a fiend in looks fair
With the maids he was smooth, debonair
When the Duke set a trap
That locked shut with a snap
He knew not to fall prey to despair. (Ash, MG?s variation)

Imoen:

There once was a child pure of heart,
who from him/her but once did she part,
Now she's lost her soul,
to a vampire cold,
And if not returned, she'll depart. (Kael)

A girl with the hair-colour pink
From her party was torn in a blink
Had to learn that her dad
Was… well, pretty bad
But she came back her true self, I think. (Princeps)

Jan:

"There once was a gnome tinker,
in battle he would not whimper.
Inventor of great skill,
owner of a great will,
he told tales of a miller." (Archmage)


Korgan:

"There once was a dwarf evil of mind,
the evil in his heart, others would find.
greed has his black heart too,
ladies he tries to woo,
but he is shunned by his kind." (Archmage)

There once was a dwarf who did drink,
And evil his heart so you'd think.
But give him a beer
And if a lady is near
He'd shag her before you could blink. (Rabain)

An axe-wielding dwarf likes to play
In blood-sports with splatter and spray.
Only too well he knows
How the ears of his foes
Can be had – in his personal way. (Princeps)

Nalia:

There once was an heir to a hold,
To the poor she would give all her gold
Would she marry a whelp
And tighten her belt
Or end up turned out in the cold. (Collective Attempt)

Viconia:

An elf with a skin far from white,
Found that sparing a life was a blight
In the Spider-Queen's eyes.
Now she walks in disguise,
Marooned as she is in the light. (Princeps)

"There once was an elf black of skin,
who questioned the nature of sin.
A child she would not kill,
now Lolth wishes her ill.
Forever an outcast from her kin." (NM)

There once was an elf black of skin,
Who questioned the nature of sin.
And now Lolth causes ill
For a child she'd not kill,
She's forever estranged from her kin. (Rabain)

There once was an elf black of skin,
Who lived in decadent sin,
Now Lolth causes pain
For a child went unslain,
And, the drow has been cast from her kin. (MG?s variation)

There once was an elf black of skin,
Who lived in such decadent sin,
That now Lolth causes pain
For a child went unslain,
And the drow has been cast from her kin. (Rabain?s variation)

There once was an elf black of skin,
Who lived in such decadent sin,
That now Lolth causes pain
For a child went unslain,
And now she's been cast from her kin (Archmage?s variation)

Yoshimo:

There once was a man who knew best
To hunt men and earn gold on his quest
But they say that a mage
Locked him up in a cage
Can he flee and think it a fine jest? (Ash)

There once was a man who knew best
To hunt men and gold on his quest
But they say that a mage
Locked him up in a cage
Can he flee and think it a jest? (Kulyok?s variation)

Edited by Ashara, 31 October 2005 - 01:50 PM.

#56 Kellen

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    Earn a person's heart, and they'll die a thousand deaths

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 12:29 PM

Just a note my Imoen one was not finished. The first two lines were fine the last three I couldn't finish cause I had to go. And I'm not Archmage. I'll try to finish it soon.

EDIT:
There once was a child pure of heart,
who from him/her but once did she part,
Now she's lost her soul,
to a vampire cold,
And if not returned, she'll depart.

Edited by Kael, 31 October 2005 - 12:48 PM.

"She could resist temptation. Really she could. Sometimes. At least when it wasn't tempting." - Calli Slythistle
"She was a fire, and I had no doubt that she had already done her share of burning." - Lord Firael Algathrin
"Most assume that all the followers of Lathander are great morning people. They're very wrong." - Tanek of Cloakwood

we are all adults playing a fantasy together, - cmorgan

#57 -Ashara-

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 12:40 PM

Oops sorry, you have similar avatars :)

#58 Kellen

Kellen

    Earn a person's heart, and they'll die a thousand deaths

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 12:42 PM

It's okay. His avatar is blue though so that should help. It's finished.

Edited by Kael, 31 October 2005 - 12:46 PM.

"She could resist temptation. Really she could. Sometimes. At least when it wasn't tempting." - Calli Slythistle
"She was a fire, and I had no doubt that she had already done her share of burning." - Lord Firael Algathrin
"Most assume that all the followers of Lathander are great morning people. They're very wrong." - Tanek of Cloakwood

we are all adults playing a fantasy together, - cmorgan

#59 Princeps

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 12:43 PM

May I add a rather disgusting one for Korgan:

An axe-wielding dwarf liked to play
In blood-sports with splatter and spray.
Only too well he knew
How the ear of his foe
Could be had ? in his personal way.

#60 Kellen

Kellen

    Earn a person's heart, and they'll die a thousand deaths

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Posted 31 October 2005 - 12:48 PM

An axe-wielding dwarf liked to play
In blood-sports with splatter and spray.
Only too well he knows
How the ears of his foes
Can be had ? in his personal way.

Slightly changed to rhyme.
"She could resist temptation. Really she could. Sometimes. At least when it wasn't tempting." - Calli Slythistle
"She was a fire, and I had no doubt that she had already done her share of burning." - Lord Firael Algathrin
"Most assume that all the followers of Lathander are great morning people. They're very wrong." - Tanek of Cloakwood

we are all adults playing a fantasy together, - cmorgan
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