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#1 Shadowhawke

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Posted 07 April 2009 - 12:10 AM

Okay, first of all, a belated welcome to Scribbles, TC Dale! :D It's absolutely great to have you here. Secondly, I just want to apologise for not having read and reviewed earlier - I was absolutely swept away by both chapters. It's been a long time since I've read a piece that gave me such a strong sense of character from the get-go - I love how real Cassandra is and how well you write her - it's like she's leapt out of the story in the flesh, along with Imoen. I also love how you took the dream sequence and changed it to reflect an immersive world where the PC doesn't get a box jumping up and showing her the sacrifices she can pick - that was very nicely done.

Basically, Baldur's Gate sagas have been committed to fanfic before, but I can honestly say that yours has an impressive and unique flavour that I'm very happy to read more of. So basically, I can't wait until your next update. ^_^ Thanks for sharing this with us. :D

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain


#2 TC Dale

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Posted 09 April 2009 - 11:10 PM

Okay, first of all, a belated welcome to Scribbles, TC Dale! :D It's absolutely great to have you here. Secondly, I just want to apologise for not having read and reviewed earlier - I was absolutely swept away by both chapters.


Thankee thankee :) Glad to know you're enjoying it. There are lots more installments, so stay tuned! (This was actually all Chapter 1; Chapter 2 is coming on Monday!)

Feel free to give critical feedback as well -- word choice problems, grammar errors, plot holes (but I hope I fixed all those already), characterization issues. Always glad to find ways to improve my writing!

#3 Shadowhawke

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Posted 18 April 2009 - 04:37 PM

Hi again, TC Dale! Sorry for being so late in replying. Just wanted to say I like how you have Cassandra and Jaheira so obviously grating against each other - it makes for some fascinating party dynamics. And I loved the realism with which you approached the Circus Tent - for those of us who've played through it so many times, it's hard to roleplay it every time, but you invested the scenes with real freshness and vigour, and that was a joy to read.

Just a little note this time, though - I noticed that your grammar sometimes tripped over a little in this chapter. The main example I can think of is when Cassandra asked "What matter?". Just little things that are easily fixed. :)

But aside from that nitpicking, overall I did enjoy the fresh take on BGII very much, and I can't wait to see more!

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain


#4 TC Dale

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Posted 20 April 2009 - 03:07 AM

Good morning! I took a look at the "What matter?" section and it seems grammatical to me. The context is so:

?Halt! This tent has been closed off for your own safety, citizen. The circus is closed until this matter is resolved.?

?What matter, exactly??

So, what Cassie is asking is "What manner [do you mean / are you talking about]?" Compare: "You can't enter the library until you return the book." "What book?"

I think people are so used to seeing "What [is the] matter?" that you might have mis-read it as a typo for "What is the matter?" instead.

Other readers, did you have problems with this passage as well?

And Shadowhawke, did you notice any other particular grammatical errors? I do proofread, but of course people have a tendancy to read what they expect and not what's actually on the page :)

#5 Shadowhawke

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Posted 25 April 2009 - 02:46 AM

*blinks* That's a very good point, my deepest apologies for my misreading! And no, other than that I don't recall spotting any errors.

Although I just want to take this opportunity to also mention that I really liked the twist on the de'Arnise Keep that you have, and the foundations you've set for some interesting interaction there. Looking forwards to the next chapter. :)

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain


#6 Shadowhawke

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Posted 02 May 2009 - 10:41 PM

Hey again TC Dale. :D

Just wanted to say that I enjoyed the realism in your new chapter - I can definitely see Bodhi doing something like that, and it's an intriguing idea I hadn't thought of before, dealing both with the physical necessity of them having to rest after going through so much and also the fact that they're on a time limit. I also loved the fascinating explanation of traps that you had and the interesting character interaction that that discussion provided.

I have to say, I think the only nitpick I have with the chapter was that it was too short. :) In comparison with your other posts, it felt a little abrupt, and so the pacing necessarily suffered. But other than that, I'm definitely looking forwards to the next chapter. :D

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain


#7 TC Dale

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Posted 03 May 2009 - 10:32 PM

I have to say, I think the only nitpick I have with the chapter was that it was too short. :) In comparison with your other posts, it felt a little abrupt, and so the pacing necessarily suffered. But other than that, I'm definitely looking forwards to the next chapter. :D


Don't forget that most of the time (Chapter 4 excluded) I'm only posting half-chapters at a time, since they're mostly 20+ pages long. So that was only half of Chapter 3 :) The other half is posted today. Chapter 4 is pretty short (15 pages) so will go up in a single block.

Glad you're still enjoying it, and now you see why I call it "realistic fantasy" ;) And in the next part, you get to see that, unlike in the game, armor does not necessary stay intact under magical effects!

#8 Leila

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Posted 04 May 2009 - 03:18 AM

You definitely have a knack for inducing anxiety! Or maybe that's just me. Although I can't say I really like your PC's personality--I mean I wouldn't like her as a person if I met her--I still like how she's written. I always appreciate realistic personalities (after all, it'd be nigh on impossible to remain passive and unemotional as a Bhaalspawn), and you've fleshed out Imoen a great deal too. I especially liked her explanation of the trap, and Cass's reaction, and Cass actually enjoying becoming the Slayer. Eerie.

Do you plan on going into more detail on Cass's time in Athkatla?

#9 Shadowhawke

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Posted 08 May 2009 - 05:27 AM

I have to say, I think the only nitpick I have with the chapter was that it was too short. :) In comparison with your other posts, it felt a little abrupt, and so the pacing necessarily suffered. But other than that, I'm definitely looking forwards to the next chapter. :D


Don't forget that most of the time (Chapter 4 excluded) I'm only posting half-chapters at a time, since they're mostly 20+ pages long. So that was only half of Chapter 3 :) The other half is posted today. Chapter 4 is pretty short (15 pages) so will go up in a single block.

Glad you're still enjoying it, and now you see why I call it "realistic fantasy" ;) And in the next part, you get to see that, unlike in the game, armor does not necessary stay intact under magical effects!


Hey again, TC Dale. :)

Fair enough, then, just be aware that that does lend itself to pacing issues. From someone who has happily devoured long chapter fics, I can also assure you that long twenty-page chapters are definitely do-able in one shot. Heck, an author I'm beta-ing for another fandom keeps insisting on 25+ pages for his chapters. However, I think you should post as you feel comfortable to do so, whatever rate/length that is. :)

That said - I enjoyed the latest chapter. It had a very, very visceral feel to it, and I loved Bhaal's voice, Imoen's reaction, and Cass' thoughts, as well as the spine-tingling ending. Definitely can't wait for more. :D

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain


#10 TC Dale

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Posted 18 May 2009 - 11:19 AM

>> Do you plan on going into more detail on Cass's time in Athkatla?

Yup. The diary flashbacks fill in some of the details, although only the highlights. The majority of things that go on in the story focus on the time after Cassandra gets to Spellhold, and after Chapter 8, there will be no more "flashbacks" to fill in time in Athkatla. Maybe some dialog, not sure yet.

Enjoy!

#11 theacefes

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Posted 18 May 2009 - 07:29 PM

Another great chapter. :) I for one, am happy with the length simply because for me, the pacing is perfect and I personally do not like to read 50 page chapters for a fanfiction, or anything really. After so long, I end up wanting to skim it quickly to get the main idea to prevent from stabbing myself in the face (no offense to those who like long chapters or who write them, that's just my personal tastes).

I've only really really really enjoyed 3 BG fanfics in my time. This is one of them. :)
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#12 Leila

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Posted 19 May 2009 - 12:55 PM

I agree, I like your pacing just fine. It might be a problem if you didn't update so punctually.

#13 Shadowhawke

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Posted 25 May 2009 - 04:18 AM

Sorry for taking so long to comment, I've been trying to catch up on your story in between essay-writing and exam preparation. :) Now, I must apologise if this gets old, but once I again I have to say I love your realism. I've never thought about the practicalities of taking a bath while adventuring, and certainly not while in Spellhold and still afraid for your life. Nice, light chapter that balances out the darkness that went before and the darkness promised by the Underdark, I'm looking forwards to more! ^_^

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain


#14 Shadowhawke

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Posted 02 June 2009 - 05:33 PM

Hey TC Dale!

First of all, don't feel the need to apologise! Real life does take precedence over the internet, as much as we sometimes might wish otherwise :). You sound like you're very busy... good luck with all your endeavours! :cheers: I'm sure you'll do fine, and rest assured that two weeks break really isn't all that much in the online world. We'll be eagerly awaiting your return. ^_^

Oh, and 'wont', is still a word. :)

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain


#15 Shadowhawke

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Posted 17 June 2009 - 08:20 PM

Hey again, TC Dale :D

Welcome back from your trip, I hope it was a good one. I hope your migraine's gotten better by now as well... I know migraines are terrible, terrible things. :(.

As for your latest chapter, I must say I really enjoyed it ^_^. The in-depth look at Imoen's perspective and her feelings on what Cassandra went through upon discovery of the diary was done delicately and well. I thought Cass' tattoo was a very nice touch that sent shivers down my own spine. The interesting new element to their relationship was also very exciting to see!

As always, loved your character interactions and the life that you breathe into them. Looking forwards to more. :)

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain


#16 TC Dale

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Posted 19 June 2009 - 08:22 AM

Hello, hello!

The migraine is indeed gone. It lasted about 24 hours until it finally went away (after much sleeping and some Daflagan Codeine). So, I am a happy person.

Really glad that you're still enjoying the series! I'm looking forward to finishing some new chapters and getting the story nearer to its conclusion. I don't know exactly how long that will be yet, but I'm guessing around 15 chapters. More and more 'original' touches (like the tattoo) come around in future chapters, so I hope you enjoy those, too :)

#17 Shadowhawke

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Posted 05 August 2009 - 05:23 PM

*Whistles* That was intense. Both the fight scenes and the one afterward. I like how you've really brought the Taint into play here, as well as the growing intricacies in the relationship between Cassandra and Imoen. What I also like is you're not afraid to show them as manipulative, confused, or singleminded in their quest - the lack of soul is really telling here, and explored very nicely.

I look forwards to more. :D

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain


#18 Shadowhawke

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Posted 15 August 2009 - 03:44 PM

Geez... Veldrin/Cassandra just keeps getting into more and more trouble, don't they? I love the sense of spiralling down you've got here - the affect of the Taint reflecting in real life. I'm very interested to see what will happen with Imoen and Phaere as well.

Just a note, though... are you planning to let us in on what Inolin's been doing while Veldrin's been having fun?

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain


#19 TC Dale

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Posted 18 August 2009 - 04:13 AM

Hello, hello!

Indeed, things keep going from bad to worse -- but then, what did you expect from a novel called "Crumbling Down"? There is some light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak, but you'll find that out in a week or two.

I'm not sure that Veldrin's activity would be considered 'having fun' (I left it somewhat vague in the story, I suppose, what exactly happened behind closed doors.), but Inolin was, unfortunately, forced to be good. With an armed escort of drow soldiers, one's opportunities for fun and mischief are quite curtailed. She basically sat about worrying and being bored ;)

Stay tuned next week to see just how bad things can really get ;)

#20 Shadowhawke

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Posted 25 August 2009 - 01:25 AM

*whistles*. Whoah. you weren't kidding about how bad it could get. I don't think I've ever seen everything go to hell in a handbasket so quickly. A thrilling ride! One thing I have to say, though - I think you may have mis-posted Part Two of your chapter, because when I clicked on the link it showed the same document. Other than that, I'm damned interested to see what happened in the gap between chapters and between Imoen's knowledge.

If you must know, I've been racking my brain very, very hard recently trying to think of some constructive criticism. I think I'll go back and reread to find some, but on the surface it's been an excellent read so far. :D

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain