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Challenge #21: Madness on the Development Box

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#1 Solar's Harper

Solar's Harper

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Posted 10 June 2009 - 02:15 AM

Author's Note: Due to an incredibly high amount of madness sprawling through my mind when I witnessed this magnificent piece of work as to whom full credit goes to the author etc... And also from the fact that I couldn't think of anything better and was hardly in the mind to be a better writer even... well, you'll all hate me for it but HERE IT IS! MADNESS!

PS: Purely fictional, seriously, I have no inclinations like mentioned below.. I hope. :unsure:

Challenge #21: Madness on the Development Box

The vaunted bird chime of the workroom clock filled the air of the cramped workroom, absent groans barely uttered from a mentally drained cast of mod actors after the madness created by the keyboard upstairs, and the devil-ridden finger-tips of their most hated enemy ? their boss.

?Sounds like another line of coding just got put in.? slurred a creature hiding in the only deep shadow recess of a brightly lit room, even stranger still was the combination of voices to one voice set ? male and female voice actors from upstairs, mashed together in an abomination work ? all part of the ?flawless? master plan the travel agent had said.

Remembering the detail the creature thought of all the things it wanted to do just to avoid that one badly written script five days ago. A simple mistake had turned what was a peaceful talk between love-ridden souls, into a bowling game with it stuck in the middle of the bowling pins made of jelly. The mess, the horrible mess!

?Looks like squid-boy is about to break down again.? Taunted, humiliated, even by that wretched two inches too short weasel girl! ?Oh do put a spanner in it you-moose riding...?

?Quiet!? Hissed the last voice of the room, a large obese human in caveman garments, ?Trok no like arguing, da? master be callin an? Trok want listen!?

?Yeah, typical caveman, maybe YOU should stay here then. Soon as I?m paid, I?m out.? The woman folded her arms and let her head rest on the wooden table she sat at, a candle light flickered before her azure eyes as if an omen of the next time she was center stage. This was hell, and only for four cents an hour.

?Seconded,? the twisted female/male alien voice of the squid followed and returned to the joyful show of a wooden ceiling. Hours, after hours, after hours.

No sooner had the noise tapping of the keyboard stopped above however, did the ceiling open, and nine new figures dropped in. The candle on the table was squashed under the leather boot-heel of a woman identical to the one slumped on the wooden surface.

?Greetings fellow copies.? She said, just another day in hell...


The monitor screen was plastered with boxes large and small, detailed line after detailed line. The madness of the Solar would not be stopped however, and with one firm combination of the Ctrl and V keys, a new copy of the last 50 lines was added again for the fourteenth time today... to cause a parse error that was sure to send the world screaming in agony.

A cold chuckle escaped the mad human?s lips, a twisted haunting laugh that spelt only disaster, as Baldur?s Gate would become the next highly bugged, highly frustrating, mentally unstable playground of the online first-person shooters crowd.

?The plan is flawless!? He cackled, ?soon none shall be spared from my instant enemy teleport right where the player stands! And I shall be sure to repeat the same boss 15 times on the first level, which will take an hour to get past even the first door of 5000! Ahhh, genius! FLAWLESS EVEN! MUAHAHAHA! Oh 21st century rom-hackers, eat your hearts out, especially if you had anything to do with that wretched classic that destroyed my mind! Graah!?

Suddenly a deafening bang blew open the wooden door to Solar?s room of mad mod developments, masked figures moved into the darkened clearing of the room, weapons trained on the malevolent monster.

?Freeze punk! We will not let you unleash this global disaster under the global act of anti-internet terrorism! You will come with us now! Oh I do so hope you resist!?

Slowly the madman turned to face his opponents; a malicious grin crossed his face... ?You are too late,? he hissed, ?The invasion has already hit the video stores. Toodles!?

And a moment click later, the mad spawn of humanity was gone without a trace, consumed by his own desire to be a modder, only to create the worst atrocity possible: Baldur Telefragged Remix Gate 2!

Slowly the officer walked to the screen, and his eyes bolted with horror, as the madman had not lied. The moon was doomed to Internet insanity for the next 500 years of Baldur?s Gate.

?Frank, we have to stop this!?

Shaking from the knowledge of what was to come in the days ahead, the officer turned to his colleagues with one dreadful reply. ?I can?t code, I?m a doctor trained by computers! I have ethical issues against betraying them for humanity!?

Classic Adventures - a Total Conversion compilation dedicated to bringing many of the old and new PnP modules into the wonderfully dangerous world that is Baldur's Gate II.   Fancy link button to Downloads page.
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