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[Bluenose]

Part the Forty-first

Wherein we meet a dwarf who's so mad she seems sane; and get to play Pick your Paragon

Finally, we reach the Anvil of the Void. And then Oghren, who has presumably been following us all this time, turns up and refuses to leave. He's obviously rather enthusiastic to see his wife after two years apart. I'm sure there's some sort of joke about dwarf sex here, but I'm not sure I want to make it. So I take him, Wynne, and Shale inside.

Where we immediately meet our paragon. Branka is absolutely b**-***t crazy, but crazy in the obsessive-maniac way rather than the gibbering-like-a-loon way. She is determined to find the Anvil of the Void so that she can create an army of golems to fight against the darkspawn, and she's willing to sacrifice any number of dwarfs to save the rest. Since she also blows a hole in the ceiling to block the exit, it makes certain that we will have to deal with all the traps between here and the anvil.

Afterwards, I have a few words with Oghren. It seems Branka has always been a bit obsessive, but now she seems to be even more so. He's rather reluctant to say it, but he's not sure she's entirely rational any more. Considering she married him, it's possible she never was.

We carry on in, and find a room with a sizeable crowd of darkspawn in it. For us, with our abilities, this isn't much of a problem any more. Although without Leliana around shooting the spellcasters we do have a few problems from them, balanced by the fact with Shale able to stand up to almost anything Oghren and I can chop through the rest of the melee faster and get into melee with the casters. Also, Wynne now has the awesome Mana Clash ability, which means few enemy casters get off many spells before there's an axe in their face or a dagger in their kidneys. Actually, mana drain has also been useful keeping her topped up in the longer fights, so I might suggest she hold off if the caster isn't doing too much damage.

Following on, we get to the first of the rooms that presents an actual puzzle. It holds four stone golems, and is filled with poisonous gas. I have everyone wait outside, and creep in in stealth mode to try to reach the levers that switch off the gas. Apparently though these are very observant golems, as one of them activates and tries to smash my head in. I run out, and when the golem follows we set on it as a group and turn it into a pile of rock. Then the rest of the team decide to rush into the room full of poisonous gas and activate another golem. I fetch them out, and this time after the golem follows and is smashed make sure they don't try breathing poison again. Obviously, they've heard abour Alistair's trick with fire and decided it is something I admire. Instead we stay outside while Wynne snipes away at the golem and provokes it to come out. We repeat that trick until there are four piles of rock making the hallway messier, and then I swallow one of the salves that protects against nature damage and go in to switch off the valves. The golems have some minor loot, mostly in the form of minor stones that are used to make the salves.

The next room also has golems, although this time no poison gas. It does have some rather simple floor traps, which I confidently start disabling until a pair of golems activate and have to be put down. Fortunately while the golems activate in pairs only four of them do so, with the other four staying in their alcoves.

The next room holds four anvils and a rather large apparatus inbetween them. When we enter, each of the anvils summons a spirit that attacks us. As we kill each one, the anvil glows so I touch it and something shoots out and damages the apparatus. At some point the spirits replenish, but we keep killing them and touching the anvils until eventually the apparatus realises we're too stubborn to give up and stops working. Finally, the dwarfs make something which acts sensibly. We move on, once I find the perfectly obvious passage that's off to the left side rather than at the back of the room where I was looking.

Finally, we reach the room with the Anvil of the Void. Since Branka doesn't immediately appear and start making demands, I decide to do a little exploring. And then one of the golems starts chatting to us. It claims to ne Caridin, who invented the process of golem making, though he doesn't claim it was him who created the anvil. He recognises Shale, and calls her by name. He seems a little sad that she's lost her memories, but happy that she's still alive and functional. He also explains that 'she' is probably correct, because he explains the secret of the golems. They depend on having the soul of a dwarf implanted into them with the Anvil to give them life. Shale was one of the first volunteers, a female dwarf champion.

Caridin now thinks that the Anvil should be destroyed so no more golems can be created. While the initial golems were volunteers, the then-King began sending more and more people who weren't volunteers, who were either criminals or political enemies, to be turned into slaves through magic. Golems can generally be controlled through their control rods, although this doesn't work with Shale. He apparently can't do it himself, since golems are unable to touch the anvil. At this point Branka turns up, screaming that we can't destroy the Anvil as it's needed to create a new army of golems to defend the dwarfs. Despite what Caridin has said, she thinks it should be done all over again. Permanent undying slavery not being in favour among elves, I'm inclined to disagree with her. Despite Oghren's pleading, she's absolutely determined, and when it becomes apparent I won't side with her she activates several of the golems to fight on her side and somehow manages to disable golem-Caridin.

This proves rather a tough fight, though helped by the large number of lyrium veins around which let Wynne replenish her mana. Two golems have activated on our side, and Oghren and I concentrate on helping them deal with their immediate enemies while Shale occupies the attention of two more. Branka spends a lot of time rushing around wildly, which helps, and gradually we wear down her golems. Once they fallen we can mob her, but when she gets near to death she bursts out of our circle and makes for one of the lyrium veins, where several images of her appear. While the rest of us chase around dealing with the images, the real Branka sets to work dismantling Shale. With her natural toughness enhanced by a forcefield, this doesn't work too well, and with all the images disposed of everyone lays into her until there's a dead dwarf paragon on the ground.

Oghren seems more resigned than upset, having it seems recognised that Branka was probably impossible to deal with any other way. Caridin meanwhile is pleased, since this allows us to destroy the Anvil, and offers us any reward within his power. I cede this to Oghren, since it's his wife lying dead, but after he considers but rejects the idea of bringing her back he suggests that the one thing we really need is a crown crafted by a Paragon so we can decide the rulership of Dwarfland. Caridin agrees to do this, and beats out a rather snazzy looking crown/helmet for us to take back. I then smash the Anvil, and he thanks me before taking his leave of existence by taking a swan dive of the cliff into a river of molten lava.

We wander around the area a little, looting Branka's body and a few of the golems remains, before we find a stone column. It appears to contain a list of names, of the dwarfs who were made into golems. I take a rubbing of it, which Oghren thinks the Shapers will find interesting, before we head back to the city to resolve the fight over the kingship.

When we get back, the crown I'm carrying is recognised as being made by a Paragon, and when I put it on Lord.. correction King Whatshisname's head it should resolve the matter. It doesn't entirely as the Prince puts in a vigorous objection, but Judge Oghren quickly overrules that. Mostly with his axe.

It's an impressive scene in most ways afterwards, with the new dwarf king standing looking impressive and promising to keep the dwarf promise to send an army to fight against the Blight, and his loyal courtiers looking suitably impressed. It may have been slightly spoilt by a certain elfish Grey Warden, who's fingers twitch whenever there are corpses around which she hasn't had a chance to loot.

[Bluenose]

Part the Forty-Second

Wherein we finish a few odd jobs; little things like taking messages to the circle and back, returning swords to their owners, and killing dragons

First things first, and we head back into the Deep Roads for what I hope will be the last time. We make for Ortan Thaig, where the bits of his sword get placed on the grave of the Topsider. He was an elf, and I was determined to do it. Unexpectedly this turns the sword into a real, usable item in the game, though I'm not strong enough myself. It may do for Alistair later.

Back in Dwarfland, we visit the Shaperate and hand over the rubbing concerning golem volunteers to the head Shaper, who is pleased enough to pay a rather nice reward. In the same place, I add some information to the records that will help the Legion of the Dead. I also give a dwarf some records we found in Ortan Thaig, which she takes to the Assembly as proof that she deserves to be a noble. Although despite her promises of a reward when all her debts have been called in, I suspect it's something I'll never see.

On the way out of Dwarfland I overhear a conversation between two humans outside the gates suggesting the potential civil war is starting to get worse, with TTW Loghain executing people for hunting in the wrong place. Hopefully Arl Eamon can keep a lid on things till I'm done collecting people's treaty obligations.

Back at camp, I have a conversation with Sten which finally sheds some light on why he was in Ferelden and why he killed a family of farmers. Apparently he and some companions were sent to investigate the Blight. After a battle with darkspawn he was the only survivor, and was seriously injured. When he recovered consciousness he was missing his sword which is regarded by the Qunari as holding your soul, and he killed the family in a panic before allowing himself to be locked up out of what I think is a sense of shame. Apparently, the fight was somewhere near the shores of Lake Calenhad.

Since we're going that way anyway, I resolve to visit some of the local places. Oghren is also interested in going that way, since there's a girl in the local tavern who he would like to get to know better. So we head for the Circle Tower, interrupting a small skirmish between a group of dwarfs and some darkspawn on the way and slaughtering the darkspawn. There, I persuade Irving that a dwarf observer would be a good thing, and he agrees. I also go upstairs, where we found another of those glass bottle-thingies with the Revenants inside, release it, and kill it.

On the Lake Calenhad docks, we go into the tavern. Oghren attempts to 'charm' the dwarf girl in his inimitable style. I drop him a few hints, and put in a good word for him as well, and it seems to go off fairly well - at least I think so. Outside we find a scavenger, who admits that he found Sten's sword but has already passed it on to another merchant who was on his way to Orzammar.

Deciding to go to camp before heading to Orzammar, I have a conversation with Shale. Apparently she isn't entirely certain that Caridin was correct, but remembers something about a Thaig which she may have come from. Obviously this is fate. We head for Orzammar, where I talk to the merchant who had Sten's sword; until he sold it to a dwarf in Recliffe called Dwynn. All right, we'll go there, but first we'll finish with dwarfland for good.

Inside I tell the young dwarf lady that she's been accepted to study at the tower. She's excited about this, and decides to leave without going home since her family is sure to try to dissuade her. Having had a word with her father, I'm well aware she's right but I have a slightly rebellious streak where other people's fathers are concerned. Though of course not my own, who is a proper master of ninjas.

We head out into the Deep Roads and off to Cadash Taig. Lots of bridges here between various island sections. Initiallly there's only a few darkspawn but a great mob of deepstalkers that are probably best dealt with using area attacks, which in our case means lots of acid flasks followed up by hitting survivors. After that we hit the hard core of the darkspawn, including some rogues that attempt to sneak up on us and could have done a lot of harm to Wynne if they hadn't ignored her and decided to focus on me. Apparently I'm much more threatening than an eight-foot tall lump of animated rock, or a wizard who keeps stunning groups of enemies, or a dwarf with a two-handed axe taller than he is screaming berserk war cries.

Eventually we cross the area, to where there's a monument set up. Before we can look at it, there's a fight with an alpha Ogre, alpha's being the darkspawn with extra badness in them. It is not match for us, despite it's size and power. Inspecting the monument, it records the names of all the dwarves from this Thaig who volunteered to become golems, including that of Shayle, or Shale as she is now known. Our rocky friend is quite impressed.

We head out, and after a trip to camp to unload some loot pay a visit to Redcliffe village, My friend Dwynn is there, really impressed with himself after he fought so bravely against the zombie apocalypse horde on the other side of the village from me. We bring up the subject of Sten's sword, and I'm willing to pay whatever he asks until Sten shows why a seven foot tall Qunari has certain advantages when it comes to intimidating and dwarf who's nearly three feet shorter. Dwynn gives us his strongbox key, and I'm careful to take only the sword rather than anything else. When I give it to Sten he seems frankly astonished, both that I was able to find a single sword in a country at war, and also that I was willing to make the effort. I rather think I am supposed to help my comrades-in-arms.

Back at camp, I've suddenly got two much happier allies. Sten actually admits he may have been wrong about me when he suggested I couldn't be a warrior and Grey Warden, although he's hugging his sword the whole time. Shale meanwhile also feels rather differently about me, and thinks that it's quite possible that I'm her first something or other for which she hasn't the words, whereupon I suggest friend as a workable option. Which she agrees with, before hastily saying we shouldn't be all emotional in front of people and should immediately go and find some enemies to crush their heads.

If that's what she wants, I think I can actually oblige. The survival of the dragon when we went on pilgrimage to the Urn of Scared Ashes is sitting there in my to-do list like an ugly blot, and it's time to clean it up. So I set off, with Alistair in the fire resistant Blood Dragon armour, me in the also fire resistant drake-scale armour, and Wynne and Morrigan in something rather flimsy that really won't be much use if the dragon has hiccups but at least armed with Incredible Magical Power.

Even better, I actually find the shortcut to the top of the mountain, and make a note of where It comes out so I can go down that way. Reconnaissance of the area suggests there are only a few places where a dragon could set down, and those get several traps each from my rather extensive collection. I stack the odds a little further by ensuring both I and Alistair have some extremely nasty poisons on our weapons, have Morrigan charge our weapons up with ice, and blow on the horn to summon Mr (or is it Mrs?) Dragon.

We kill it.

I know that doesn't sound like the most awesome battle, the description makes it sound rather easy. The fact it, it was. Alistair held it's attention and was nearly impossible for it to hurt badly thanks to his massive protection and fire resistance, Wynne kept him under the effects of a regeneration spell more or less constantly, Morrigan used her magic sensibly at long range without ever attempting to close in to use Cone of Cold with the risk of freezing Alistair, and I kept ducking in, backstabbing, and ducking out again before it could focus on me. It was during one of these little forays that everything slowed down, I went airborne, and yet again decided to show that the best way to kill something is to drill a hole into it's skull and surviving the fall is a ninja trait par excellence.

Very nice lot of loot, mind you. I wonder if that blacksmith in Denerim could make something nice from the scales.

Edited by Bluenose, 01 January 2010 - 05:57 AM.
typo

[Bluenose]

Part the Forty-third

Wherein things get made; elves get met; and trees get a bit agressive

There follow two quick trips to have things made.

First, we go to Denerim where Wade is absolutely delighted to have a chance to work with real dragon bits. He's dreamt about what he'd do with them for years, so he's ready to go as soon as I decide what to have made. Despite the temptation to go for a lighter suit that I could wear, I have him make a suit of heavy (not massive) armour suitable for Sten or Oghren. It doesn't take him long, and he refuses all payment. To the abject horror of his shopkeeper, he then decides to take a sabattical.

I also decide to see if there's anything we can do with the lump of metal we recovered from the baby crater. No-one in dwarfland had any interest, and Wade specialises in armour, but there is a blacksmith in Watcher's Keep. When I take it there he recognises it as starmetal, and offers to make a sword from it that will be a legend. I ask for a longsword, and he crafts it quickly. The sword is named Starfang. It looks marvellous (and it's stats are pretty damn good) but as it turns out I'm weak and feeble and unable to use it. I half regret not going for a two-hander, which Sten or Oghren could have used, but decide to keep it until I can get it to work.

And then, we come to that fateful moment which I can't put off any longer. It's time to go and see the Dalish. I stock up on anything which protects against poison, since they're probably going to insist on feeding us. My initial team includes, Alistair, Zevran, and Wynne. Zevran is an elf, so perhaps mroe acceptable to them, Wynne is sensible and diplomatic so shouldn't be a problem, and Alistair... is coming despite.

On the way we get attacked by spiders, which since they're poisonous means we have to expend some of our anti-venom. This is not a good thing. Compared to the really big one we had to fight in the Deep Roads none of them are particularly impressive, and we wander through the copse they're using as a larder killing them and looting everything in sight until the last is dead. If all the elfroot we have was turned into healing poultices, I think we'd have a distinct shortage of bottles, unless Wynne made the super-size portions which we don't have enough other reagents for. I'll have to buy some more.

When we reach the Dalish camp, the female elf who greets us wants to know who we are. Once I tell her that we're Grey Wardens, she decides to take us to their Keeper. He's an older elf called Zathrian, who accepts that the treaties mean he should provide warriors to help us. There is of course a 'but' involved, which Alistair in his normal sarcastic manner picks up on. Apparently the Dalish are having problems with the local werewolf pack, and someone needs to do something about it. With a group of hunters having already gone missing, and more of their warriors injured and probably infected with lycanthropy, guess who ends up volunteering to do this job. If your guess involves a Grey Warden ninja, you win a prize.

Before heading off, we look around the camp a bit. A storyteller seems rather hostile to us at first, since we aren't Dalish. With a little persuasion, he launches into a story about the Dales and how the elves lost control of them. It's full of anti-human and anti-city-elf propaganda, but listening to it gets him to talk about the dangers of the forest afterwards. Apparently we need to watch out for the wolves, the spiders, the darkspawn, and the spirits. Most of the grass is safe to walk on, so that's good news.

I also get to play matchmaker for a pair of elves. There's a hunter who has been an apprentice for two years, which is a long time to go without killing a particular prey. The girl he's in love with won't sleep with him while he's an apprentice, and he's moping about it. I consider my response carefully. I can cheat and get the wolf pelt or other item myself so he can stop being an apprentice, but that seems like it would involve work for very little gain. I'm pretty certain that I could seduce him considering my persuasion skills, but with Zevran around that would no doubt lead to either a threesome or lots of sulking, and it doesn't seem to solve his problem. So I end up talking to the girl in question, and it doesn't take long before she's apologising to him and they're heading off to be alone together. Presumably so they can braid each others hair.

I also, to my own quiet surprise, manage to solve a problem with the animals. The keeper of the Halla is worried about one particular animal, thinking she might have been bitten by a werewolf. Although this won't have the same effect it would with humanoids, it could still cause suffering and death. Somehow, despite being very bad at survival, I manage to calm the animal down. After which the halla-keeper talks to her and discovers that it's not this one who'd been bitten but her mate. It doesn't seem like the situation is particularly better, but I've made someone grateful to me.

Finally we head off into the woods. As predicted, there are lots of aggressive wolves and werewolves. And a few bears for variety. After we move along some trails, we cross a bridge and have a short and impolite conversation with a werewolf called Swiftrunner. He's not really interested in negotiating, and starts a fight with us. Rather rudely he runs away when he starts losing, though he manages to get in a parting shot warning us that the forest is watching us. Which doesn't stop Alistair relieving himself behind a bush.

We head south, killing a few skeletons and then coming across a badly injured elf who we take back to their camp. According to some of the elves who come to meet us, he should live. Heading back to the area we found him, we're attacked by something I haven't encountered before, Wild Sylvans. Apparently they're trees that have been possessed by demons. Oghren and his axe would be useful, but they aren't really much of a problem anyway. Although I'm not quite sure how much damage I can do to a tree with my dagger.

Another tree is rather less hostile and rather more talkative. It has a task for us. Apparently an old hermit has stolen it's offspring, and the Great Oak would like it back. Since this offspring is an acorn, it shouldn't be too hard for us to carry.

Nearby we find a deserted camp. Investigating it makes all of us except Wynne fall asleep, whereupon she's attacked by a shade. After she wins and wakes us up, it becomes apparent that this was a magical trap and there were a lot of previous victims lying around under an illusion. Since they obviously don't need their things any more, we recover it ourselves. After that, we search off the the east where the hermit is supposed to be, and find our way to the next area of the forest.

[Bluenose]

Part the Forth-fourth

Wherein we kill some dead things; and meet the maybe bad doggie

The eastern part of the forest isn't too dissimilar to the western part we've jsut come from. More rather angry trees attack us, which means our firewood stack is ready for the winter - and for the winter after that by now too. Heading south we find a curtain of fog across the path, and with my dauntless courage I decide to go straight through it. It's slightly puzzling that we got back to where we started, and Wynne thinks it might be magical in nature. Trying again, with the same result, I begin to think she's right. Although, isn't third time supposed to be lucky?

Wynne is correct, as I suspected from the start. We obviously need some sort of token to get past this magical fog cloud. Heading north in search of one, we slaughter a group of werewolves. One of them hasn't attacked us, and when we approach it turns out to be the missing wife of an elf we met back at their camp. She doesn't want to be a horrible monster that slaughters things, and I carefully refrain from pointing out that she already is. Things start looking up when she asks me to kill her and take her scarf back to camp as proof for her husband. I don't really see any option if we can't get a cure for lycanthropy, and she's not willing to wait for one. One clean stroke and she has what she wants, while I get to explain what happened to the husband.

Carrying on, we kill a few bears and a couple of ogres. Nearby there's a tombstone which apparently contains some very nice loot - and probably also it's undead defender, but we don't care about that. When the grave is disturbed we have a short and nasty fight with a revenant and it's skeleton archers, and recover a piece of armour that is nice in itself and even better when you consider it comes in a set.

Rather than go straight back we carry on down the other way out of this clearing, where we encounter the hermit that the Great Oak would like us to kill. Not to my surprise he'd like us to kill the tree. Unfortunately he catches us trying to pick his pockets (Zevran's fault, not mine) and starts a fight which doesn't end too well for him. So we pick his pockets anyway, and for good measure investigate his stash which Zevran recognises is trapped but manages to clear out anyway. This gives us the acorn that we were looking for, and since I remember another grave being near to the tree and expect it to hold another piece of armour we head back to the west.

There, the Oak is happy to see his acorn, and hopefully will take better care of it in future. You can't always rely on a helpful Grey Warden ninja being around to rescue your offspring from belligerent hermits. He gifts us a tree branch, which not only should be a useful club but will apparently get us through the magical mist. We also visit the grave and kick it over, and the revenant appears with it's allies. Rather rudely it pulls me towards it while I'm molesting an archer, which to my mind constitutes sufficient reason to give it a good stabbing-to-death. Mind you, it hits really hard, and I end up downing three poultices before Wynne takes notice and drops a force field on me which frustrates it's efforts.

We follow with a quick trip back to the Dalish camp, to offload some of our loot and have a difficult conversation. I speak to the elf who's wife I killed, and tell him the whole truth about her wanting to die rather than live as a werewolf as the reason I killed her. He takes it a lot less homicidally than I might have, though to be honest my marriage was a bit of a near miss. I'm not sure how I'd respond to the death of one of the people I care about, but it wouldn't be to walk away from their killer apologising.

We also drop off some Ironbark at the camp's crafter, who uses it to make a very nice bow that I suspect I'll end up giving to Leliana. The injured elf we found and returned is waiting here, healthier than he was, and it turns out there was a reward label on him that gets us a rather nice gem for bringing him back to camp. If I could sew I'd put labels like that on our clothing saying something like, "If found, return to Grey Warden campsite, Ferelden. Reward for safe return." Since I can't sew, Alistair will have to wheedle away at Wynne until she does it.

Once we've dealt with a few people and offloaded some things to get a clear inventory, we travel back to the eastern part fo the forest. This time, we pass through the barrier with no problem and it disappeares behind us. On the other side we meet Swiftrunner, who is upset that the forest hasn't stopped us. Rather than chastise the forest as would be sensible, he decides to attack us. This works for him about as well as it did last time, except this time rather than run away when he's losing he gets rescued. A large white wolf comes out of the forest and leaps on me, giving Swiftrunner time to run away. He growls at me, and then leaves himself.

I suspect that might the the famous Winterfang, who isn't quite as violent as I was led to believe. In fact there are more than a few indications that there's a lot more to this situation than elves=good, werewolves=bad. Though since most of the werewolves have taken a 'kill first, talk not at all' approach to me there hasn't been much opportunity to deploy my skills in talking so far. When there is, I think I will.

A little further on, we find the werewolf lair. I think it's an old Tevinter ruin, based on the architecture, but I'm not certain. It's not at all what we were expecting. Still, we prepare to enter the underground lair.

[Bluenose]

Part the Forty-fifth

Wherein I wonder how many others I've missed; the score becomes dragons 0, wardens 2; and the back door is annoyingly wet

Entering the building, I get a real surprise near the entrance. There's actually a secret door there. I don't remember coming across any others, but now I'm wondering what I might have missed elsewhere. Though since I've noticed this one almost by chance, there could have been a lot. Having noticed this one, it does seem a shame not to have a look behind it. We're attacked by skeletons which don't represent very much opposition to us, but the chest holds quite meagre loot. Although there is a love letter which someone in Denerim is collecting, so it wasn't a total waste of time.

Further on it's quite a normal dungeon. There are less werewolves than I was expecting because they've all gone to hide behind a door down a passage to the right, where there's a door I can't unlock. Elsewhere we encounter skeletons, which we smash, and spiders with their annoying habit of sticking you in place with a web, which I'd really like to use a large book against. There's a lot of items, but none of them are particularly memorable.

Rather more memorable is the dragon. It's only a young one, but it's in a room with some traps that set off fireballs. These harm us, but not the dragon. Unfortunately while fire can't hurt her swords, daggers and spells can and once we move past the area where the fireballs burst they don't do any more harm. The end result is a dead dragon, though it appears this one doesn't leave any wearable body parts behind. The rest of the treasure is rather good, although I think I'll have to come back with Leliana to deal with two chests that neither I nor Zevran can open. This though will have to wait.

We move on and down, into the deeper, darker, deadlier depths of the dungeon. After a short bash with some more skeletons, we're ambushed on the first corner by two groups of spiders. What makes it worse is that I only notice one and moving forward to deal with them get webbed repeatedly. Unfortunately since I've attracted so much of their attention it frees everyone else to deal with the other group. Thanks. I'm sure Zevran is doing it because I just broke up with him. Not that we were ever actually together in that sense. But faced with a choice between sexual innuendo from Zevran and beign eaten by spiders, I know which I'd prefer.

After disentangling ourselves and finishing off the spiders, and giving the gift of a dirty look at Zevran which he certainly appreciated, we carry on. In the next room a ghostly elven boy is looking for his mother. Trying to talk to him is futile since he's not paying attention, but he does do a rather good job of distracting us from yet more spiders. They don't do any real damage, and we investigate the chambers they seem to come out of. After smashing a few skeletons we find a tablet, describing a ritual that appears to have taken place in these ruins involving water and an altar. Since we haven't found an altar yet, or any water for that matter, we can't immediately perform it but I make a note of the sequence in case we get the chance.

As it happens, the ritual is ahead and to the left. Unfortunately we initially turn ahead and to the right. It's only the fact that I'm reluctant to leave things behind that might attack us, and I'm greedy for both XP and loot, that gets me to go back. When we eventually do, from near the end of the level, the ritual itself doesn't do more than open a door. So all the collecting water from the fountain in a jug, fiddling around with the altar, and praying did is something I do regularly with my lockpicks. I'm not sure what the original function of the room we open was, but it currently serves to hold a sarcophagus and a ghost who I suspect is the mother of the ghost boy from earlier. When we approach she turns hostile and summons two demons to fight us, while she pelts us with spells until Wynne starts draining mana from her and healing us. The sarcophagus turns out to hold the last piece of the armour I've been collecting, which looks like rather a nice set if we hadn't already got a pile of other heavy armours.

Our initial course took us into a room with a fancy magical glass bottle in it. Unlike the others it doesn't break when I touch it, which is a bit of a surprise since I was setting up for another revenant fight. Instead, it holds the spirit of an elven mage, one of the original inhabitants of this place which isn't a Tevinter ruin as I thought outside. These days we elves aren't so good at building underground, we leave it to the dwarfs. He doesn't really have much memory left, and would very much like me to place his bottle on the nearby altar - I looked around for a fountain here - to be destroyed. I agree, but before I do he offers to teach me the secrets of being an arcane warrior. I accept, despite the fact that they're useless to me, but I will be able to teach them to Wynne and Morrigan. And then he gets his wish as I put the bottle on the altar and it shatters. Amusingly, or I find it amusing, as we move on I find another magic bottle and this one does have a revenant in it which we're forced to kill.

Further on, there's a very annoying room. Everywhere you go there are traps gushing flame, and also skeleton archers shooting at you. Alistair is particularly prone to wandering into fires, but we're no got a fairly sizeable collection of salves and I've hung on to the anti-fire ones just in case. Although the looting afterwards is rather mixed between grabbing nice things and being set on fire.

Eventually, we find a large room right at the end of the complex. Here we find a rather powerful undead mage, and when we approach him a large group fo skeletons come out of one of the side rooms and attack us. Alistair's Templar abilities prove rather useful as the spellcaster struggles to get many spells off, and the rest of us hack away at skeletons until their leader falls. In fact we hack away at them after their leader falls, but some of the fun has gone out of it since we're not having to dodge a rain of sparkling lightning. His corpse has got lots of cash and gems on it, as well as a few other nice items. We also loot the side rooms, which have ancient elven sarcophagi in them, of a variety of goods that I'm sure the ancient elves would want to go to their distinguished descendants, or if that isn't possible to me. In one, we find a pool which it seems we can swim through to get into the werewolf lair. I suppose that they thought their back door was sadely guarded when it had a dragon, a horde of skeletons, and some magical firepower protecting it, but I think they've been proved wrong. This should surprise them.

[Bluenose]

Part the Forty-sixth

Wherein we have nearly naked women; twice in one eopisode!

In retrospect I'm inclined to wonder how we got Alistair in Blood Dragon Plate through a pool, but we did it without drowning him. I'll bet there was magic involved, and Wynne does seem rather smug afterwards. As for the werewolves, they aren't waiting for us in the chamber we sim into - instead, they're sharpening their teeth while waiting for us in the next one. Though not enough of them to present much of a problem with the doorway making a natural choke-point, at least until I lose track of where I am and end up on the wrong side of the door surrounded by frustrated werewolves that haven't got another target. That got a little painful until Alistair and Zevran cut through the ones in the doorway and started to play whack-a-werewolf.

After this fight, we spend a few moments ensuring everything is neat and tidy (by looting the whole room) before heading on down the stairs. Here I get one of the bigger shocks - the werewolves have got tired of being killed a lot and want to talk to me. More exactly, someone they call The Lady, and you can hear the capital letters, wants to talk to me. Once I'm satisfied they don't plan on betraying me - they said they wouldn't which is enough for me - I move forward with the talker, who appears not to be the chattiest type.

As we approach the werewolves are lining up on either side with the leaders waiting for us in front. I'm not sure whether the growling is an attempt at intimidation, though I rather suspect it is. All it does for me after the number I've killed is give me an urge to meow at them. Which unfortunately isn't an option. Then we see the person who is immediately identifiable as The Lady, owing to being nearly naked with her modesty protected by her hair and some creepers.

She wants to know what my intention was coming here. Loot and XPs are what first come to mind, but I'm reminded that there was some sort of mission involved. She then tells me that I wasn't told everything when I set out on this quest. There is an option at this point to confess ignorance, but while I?ve heard that confession is good for the soul I prefer to avoid that sort of thing unless thumbscrews are involved. I am sure that my actual reaction doesn't sound in the least bit sarcastic when I tell her that I'm shocked to hear this. It does get her to fill in some of the background. It was the elf Keeper who originally created the werewolf curse. This was hundreds of years ago, and they'd really rather like it to be lifted now. Apparently the reason they attacked the elves at all was because they thought he'd have to lift the curse if it affected his own people. From what I can see, it hasn't worked. I'm tell them that I?m pretty sure I can get Mr Keeper to come here, although actually getting him to lift the curse might be another matter.

The Lady has the front door to the werewolf lair opened, and we leave by it. It?s not now entirely a surprise to find Mr Keeper waiting for us outside. He is rather annoyed that I?m not carrying a werewolf heart, and when he finds I?ve been talking to them he gets rather annoyed. He believes that the curse is perfectly justified, as the ancestors of the werewolves did some horrible things to his children when the Dalish first moved into the area and took over their lands. This entitled him to curse them, and to ensure that the curse passes down through the generations. We discuss this for a while, but despite what it says on my CV I am not an expert on ethics (or basket-weaving) and can?t shift him from his position. I am able to persuade him to come and talk to the nice nearly-naked Lady and her friends.

The discussion doesn?t exactly start well, with Mr Keeper being derisive about both the Lady and her pet werewolves. We also learn that he used blood magic to make the curse work so well. He carries on refusing to help them and insisting he?ll find a way to cure his people anyway, until it?s apparent that a fight is going to break out. I am faced with the decision of which side to support, which means I have to consider how I benefit from supporting each. In the Keeper?s favour is the fact that he can commit the Dalish to fight with me, he is a powerful mage who is probably going to be hard to kill, and there?s probably more loot to be had from killing the werewolves. Against him is the fact that in my opinion he?s being a bit of a dick. Since his understudy can no doubt provide Dalish support if he?s dead, I decide to fight on the side of the angels. Or at least Alistair says that it?s the side of right, the one that we always fight on, thus proving that he hasn?t noticed half the things I?ve been doing.

Given that the fight starts off with one elf against a rather large crowd of werewolves, The Lady, and us it doesn?t seem like it?ll be too hard. When the elf freezes all the werewolves in place and gets several of the trees to fight for him it looks rather harder. Sadly for him, Alistair is by now a mage-smashing monster due to his Templar talents, and his opening move in the fight pretty much stops the worst of the magic he could throw from the beginning. With Wynne draining his mana to heal us, we?re quickly able to bring him down to the point at which he surrenders.

With the Keeper having given up, and the Lady and her werewolves crowding around, we get down to business. The Keeper tries to claim that he?s old and might not be strong enough to lift the curse, but I?m not having any of that. Eventually he gets round to trying it, and as he?d predicted the attempt kills both him and The Lady. It also transforms the werewolves until they?re werewolves in the past tense or wewerewerewolves. Since they?re now human, they decide to travel to human lands and find out what it?s like there. I shout after them as they run off to try heading North rather than South, since south leads towards the Blight.

Afterwards I?m a little disappointed to find that there?s no cool loot left behind be either the Keeper or the Lady, although with the latter it?s quite understandable since she had a distinct shortage of clothes let alone treasure. After a little searching of sarcophagi we head out, back through the forest towards the elven camp. There, I talk to the junior keeper and find that now she?s in charge the Dalish are committed to fighting for me, and she claims they?ll be very good at it. We sell a large selection of gear, and head back to camp.

There, I talk to my various companions about fairly random things, but Leliana says that the events reming her of a song sung to her by a wise old elf after her mother died. She performs it, getting some sort of reaction from all my companions. Sten in particular seems to find it emotionally affecting, the old softie.

A few minutes later, it?s another nearly-naked girl alert. This time it?s me and Leliana involved rather than some forest hussy. I talk to her after her song and she claims that she is going to bed early, to her ?soft? and ?warm? bed. I suggest I might accompany her, if she?s sure about it, and she turns very bossy and orders me to follow her. Next thing I know, we?re in our underwear getting physically intimate, and you don?t get to hear any more about this where it might be read by under-18s. Use your imagination.

[Bluenose]

Part the Forty-seventh

Wherein we finish a few little jobs; and fail to seize an opportunity

It's a good job that we broke all the darkspawn alarm clocks, as we were rather late setting off the following morning. Not that I'm upset about this. I'll admit that Leliana's liking for my eyelashes seems slightly peculiar, but this is a girl who's given the Maker her mobile phone number. Also, I now have practical experience to include in my forthcoming book on human sexual practices. Lots of it, and this is a research process I enjoy. Now I need to order a copy of the Elva Sutra. Fortunately we have enough money for the illustrated hardback version including the apocrypha.

In the meantime, there is work to do. I expect that the Arl is waiting for us to return to Redcliffe now that we've got our collection of armies, but there are several incomplete tasks in my diary that also need our attention. We have one slight interruption as we head out when some elven woman intercepts us in the forest to demand to know what happened to the werewolves, who apparently killed her brother. I tell her they're now human, and she still wants to go after them for vengeance. For a moment I think I've got the next keeper on my hands, but when I point out what happened to the last person I met who was really committed to vengeance she seems to sag a little mentally and accepts that she won't be chasing it that hard after all. Afterwards we head back to Denerim. There, we collect on a couple of side quests that got completed in the forest before heading off to search the alleys. Somewhere, there's a loose Revenant to kill and loot.

Eventually we find the right alley, and knock on a door. Since Mister Gaxkang, which seems like a name that I've heard before, is a polite gentlebeing he answers. After we say the password he even lets us in. He seems ever so impressed by meeting the Grey Warden everyone is watching, but while he's impressed that doesn't mean he's going to offer us tea and crumpets. Instead, we fight. He doesn't last long with Sten and Shale beating on him, although they take some really heavy hits which stretch Wynne's healing ability. Having stayed back until I could start stabbing him in the back I come out without a scratch. Which is in fact mildly embarrassing, but it was worth it to hear the warrior-bonding between Shale and Sten They really do like each other a lot. It must be something to do with being tall.

After this, there doesn't seem to be anything else that's both outstanding and possible, so I head back to camp. I think carefully about it before deciding Alistair is obvious and the only other people I can be sure won't cause embarrassment or kill someone at Redcliffe are Wynne and Leliana. Though Shep would have done too, if I'd thought a little harder.

Arl Eamon had obviously noticed the dwarves and elves arriving in his courtyard, as he's waiting for us in the main hall. He wants to know if I'm sure that we're ready to call the Landsmeet, and I tell him that we are. Whereupon he starts to make the arrangements for the trip to Denerim, where we turn up very quickly and efficiently - he'd certainly be my first choice for a travel agent.

In Denerim there's a delightful surprise waiting for us, as TTW Loghain is in attendance. He spreads around a few slanderous allegations about the Arl's health and mental state, which are taken as the political slogans they are. He adds a few comments about Alistair the Bastard, which don't exactly go over well. He claims to regard the whole matter as a distraction from what really matters, which is fighting the Blight. Since he's arranged the death of the real experts in Blight-swatting I regard this as pretty hypocritical of him, but then he's not really talking to us. This is all posturing for the nobles who aren't committed to either support or oppose him, intended to show what a great patriot he is and how the people who oppose him are causing all the problems.

The most significant other person present is Arl Howe, who appears to be one of TTW's greatest supporters. He's really happy to tell us all about his several titles, most of which are so new they still squeak when he moves. I point this out to him in a rather sarcastic manner, whereupon he makes a few comments of a racial nature about elves. When I suggest that he say that to my face, TTW's chief flunky claims that I'm making public threats against a noble. Well, luvvie, if you'd like to try and do something about it I'm pretty sure we can find an open space somewhere. Or should I look you up later?

Once TTW withdraws, we're left to come up with our own plans. Although I do wonder if we could have got away with dropping something heavy on him as he left. I'm sure the roof is sturdy enough to support Shale. Since we're at Arl Eamon's manor rather than the palace as I thought when we were talking to HTTW, we're all spread around the mansion. I'm not quite sure about the logic behind some people's locations, mind you. I can imagine Zevran in the library, admittedly, but that's because it's next to the servants quarters and many of them are female. I don't know why Wynne is hanging around in a corridor, though that's where I meet her - perhaps she was on her way somewhere. Oghren hanging around near the wine cellar, well that's pretty easy to explain as he's probably guarding it from any possible looters. Though I admit to being puzzled why Morrigan and Sten are in my bedroom. Though I'm pleased to see Sten, particularly since he's thought of a possibility that is worrying me of an assault on the mansion to eliminate us. If he thinks that it's defensible, I'll accept his judgement on the matter.

When I go looking for Alistair and Arl Eamon, they're in a room towards the back of the mansion which is apparently the Arl's study. They're accompanied by an elf whose Orlesian accent is extremely thick, who claims to be the Queen's maid. My first thought is that she's a spy, but she insists she isn't and as she talks more a quite fascinating tale emerges. Supposedly the Queen really did love her husband, and she's inclined to think that his death at Ostagar was part of her father's plan. She also doesn't like being a figurehead, with her father making all the decisions. The result of this is that she tried confronting Arl Howe in his estate, since he's in TTW's good books. Now she's a prisoner, and there seems to be a possibility that she's going to have an unfortunate case of getting dead that they will try to blame on us. I'm not sure how they'd manage that, but if we can rescue her then there's a good chance that we can get her on our side. While I don't believe everything about this story, most of it rings true. It seems pretty obvious what we should do, and I set off to do some more stealing in a much better humour.

[Bluenose]

Part the Forty-Eighth

Wherein we meet some foreigners; have an Admiral Ackbar moment; and attend the Queen's accomodations

When I go stealing my preference is to take Leliana, Zevran and Morrigan with me. Some of the more straight-laced members of my gang would seem likely to disapprove. So when Slim Coudry tells me that TTW's seneschal is in a tavern with a crown that I can't really believe he would dare to wear, those are the people who help me steal it. He can be found in the Gnawed Noble tavern. In practice, paying for a round of strong ale for the guards gets them out of the way, after which Leliana has no trouble dipping her hand in his pocket and leaving with a very tasteless piece of jewellery. Which probably isn't worth the money getting the tip cost, but the chance to embarass TTW makes it worth the cost.

We return, and Slim has one more mission for us. There's a very wealthy collector whose collection Slim has obtained a route to which avoids his guards and traps. This seems quite worthwhile, and I pay the ten sovereigns happily. We set off out of the Market District towards his estate.

On the way, we have an encounter in one of those alleys Denerim has such a surplus of. This time, it's with someone Zevran recognises. Aneirin is apparently an old friend of his from the Antivan Crows. This particular group, as opposed to the ones who I was killing peopple for last week, are still trying to collect the fee for assassinating me. Aneirin pleads with Zevran to return with them, though of course as I point out I'd have to be dead first. It turns out that Zevran likes me enough that he's not intending to let that happen.

It's quite a fight, since nearly everyone involved on both sides is much better at offence than defence. Rogues and Mages are like that, I suppose. We retreat away from the bottom of the stairs so that we aren't surrounded, and Morrigan lets loose with a blizzard spell. With a significant portion of the assassins disabled by this, we fight those that manage to close in on us. Gradually we wear down their numbers, and as the blizzard winds done are able to move in and engage the already injured archers. When the fight is over, Zevran muses on whether he should leave or not. When I tell him I'd like him to stick around, he is pleased to do so.

We move on to the estate, and it's easy enough to get to the vault. There are no guards, no traps, in fact no sign that any random stranger couldn't just walk in off the street and start stealing. Which when we're in the actual vault means I'm not entirely surprised when the hoard turns out to consist of one elfroot, and guards are starting to appear along the way out. As Admiral Ackbar of the Free Elven Navy is wont to say on encountering anything unexpectedly dangerous, "It's a trap!"

Which was probably expected to close on a small party of thieves, rather than a battle-hardened gang like us. The first group chase me into the vault where everyone else is waiting to ambush them, and die quickly. The second is mostly a group of archers with just enough melee fighters to hold us in the doorway. Sadly for them we retreat, close the door, and cut their melee fighters down without interference. The archers move up to the door to open it, and discover that their bows aren't particularly good when someone is stabbing you, so they switch to melee weapons they simply aren't as skilled with. The third group is the toughest, particularly since they have mages with them. We wear down their front line with me acting as a sort of tank, Zevran doing the stabbing, and their ranged combatants trying to deal with the effects of a blizzard and failing - I'm pretty certain the weaker of the wizards died in it, though that may also have been from Leliana's archery. Once all three groups are down, we scarper. Returning to Mr Coudry, I'm wondering whether he's actually betrayed us but when he gives me my money back and heads off to get another lead I rather believe that he's been mislead himself, although it would make a lovely double-bluff if he was setting us up.

Afterwards, I decide to head for the Arl of Denerim's estate to try and rescue the Queen. I'm definitely not taking Alistair anywhere until I have to, not being willing to risk the future king in unnecessary fights. Call me paranoid, but I don't think his life expectancy would be high among TTW's followers. Since there was talk of disguises, I'm also not inclined to take Shale or even Sten. I have seen Qunari mercenaries about, but they're quite rare. Dwarfs are rather more common, so Oghren is my main fighter. I'll also take Leliana and Wynne, since they're the rest of my normal group.

When we get there, the maid is lurking behind a cart while a mob of aggrieved creditors lay siege to the estate. Apparently the Arl has had a lot of work done, but got rather behind in his payments. While the people he hasn't paid demonstrate, we take advantage of the distraction to sneak around the back of the estate. As we're passing through the vegetable garden, which I do not recommend eating owing to deathroot being grown next to the cabbages, the maid tells us to put on our disguises while she distracts the guards from the back door. While I don't entirely see the point since there's only two of them, I go along with her plan. I have to say that Wynne and Leliana look slightly peculiar in their armour, and I'm not really any better.

Meanwhile the maid, who's name is Erlina and who has a rather prominent bust, tells the guards about some darkspawn being in the garden. I can't see any, but it will have to be checked out after we've got the queen out - as a Grey Warden that's much more my job than rescuing queens is. Once she's got them away from the door, we hurry down and go in. Erlina catches up, complaining about how long it took her to get rid of the guards. As a matter of professional courtesy between two working women, I don't ask her how she did it.

We wander through the mansion in our disguises. No one seems the least bit suspicious, even when we start opening chests at random and looting from them. Eventually, we find the queen's room. Since the door is glowing, I'm suspect it's not going to be as simple as picking a lock and killing any guards who try to interfere.

[Bluenose]

Part the Forty-Ninth

Wherein the Queen speaks only through doors; and someone gets less then they're entitled to

The Queen, or at least we have to assume it's her on the other side of the door, tells us that Arl Howe was not satisfied with merely imprisoning her and surrounding her with guards. Instead he's had the door magically sealed, which explains the glow. When I suggest this is meant as a trap she and her maid seem to think I'm accusing them of planning it, which isn't what I meant at all, and Erlina begs me to help her mistress. Frankly I'm less interested in their relationship and more in the politial advantages. To open the door, they think we'll need to kill the mage who warded it and since I don't hear any correction from Wynne I assume we need to. He can be found with Arl Howe, wherever he is. Though apparently his bedroom is at the end of the hall.

We go down the hall, and my curiosity gets the better of me as I have the locked door on the right opened. It turns out to be the Arl's treasure vault, which is in rather a mess with coin spread across half the floor. We remove everything portable and leave it looking much tidier. Afterwards, we investigate Howe's bedroom and recover a cache of Grey Warden documents. The mystery of where they came from is solved in the next room, where a disembodied arm kills a guard who is distracted by our entrance. It turns out that the arm is attached to a Grey Warden called Riordan who was captured by Howe. Apparently Warden reinforcements were turned back at the border, and he was sent in on his own to investigate the situation. He's too injured to accompany us, but he will try to talk later. Apparently he's not just hurt but also rather confused, since he thinks I'm his sister.

We head downstairs into the dungeon, where it appears the more observant guards are. Once it's apparent that we don't belong here, they decide this is an opportunity to have some fun. I agree with their analysis, and we have lots of fun stabbing each other until they all end up dead. So it might not have been as much fun as they expected. Along the passage we open another door and start a fight with some more guards, their doggies, and a group from another room who decide to join in the fun. Since both Oghren and I have attacks that affect all adjacent enemies, their attempt to surround us might not have been entirely well advised, particularly since Leliana manages to stun them with one of her archery tricks. Their mage helps things along by tossing a fireball into the mix, which does them more harm than it does us. Wynne then helps herself to some of his mana, and heals us up with it.

The torture chamber is occupied by some rather belligerent torturers, who attack us as soon as we enter. We kill them and find a noble prisoner. He thinks we've been sent by his father, but he doesn't look like Arl Eamon's son as I remember him. When the confusion is cleared up, he promises his families vote in the Landsmeet.

We release another prisoner from the cell block next door, who it turns out fulfils a quest the Chantry were giving out when we first came to Denerim. Why he was being held I can't fathom, but he isn't any more.

Eventually we work our way round nearly back to the entrance, and find the room Howe is in. I personally expect that he's got important work to do, and shouldn't spend all his time in the dungeons, but that's his privilige. And he's certainly a fan of his priviliges! He mouths off a bit at us, before we kill his two guards, the mages he has in support, and then him. Even dying he can't resist informing us how much more he was entitled to. I suppose we could give him some more stabs, but I think seven feet of soil should be enough in the future.

He has one more prisoner, a templar, who the Chantry had also posted missing. He also seems confused, thinking that I'm his sister. It's probably something to do with the light down here. I suppose I could be pleased, since if men think I'm their sister they're unlikely to make a pass at me.

Now that we have a selection of keys and a dead mage, we head back upstairs via the conveniently placed stairs and head for the queen's room. With it unlocked, she comes out dressed in a guards uniform that really looks rather silly on her. I can imagine how she got hold of it, but would prefer not to. It appears that the Darkspawn death juice Grey Wardens have to drink is beginning to affect me, as I totally fail to say something gratuitously rude to her about it. We head straight for the front exit.

Before we can leave, we're intercepted by TTW's female flunky and a group of guards. She commands us to surrender as we're being charged with murdering Arl Howe. I wonder how she knows? It looks like it would be an epic fight, ending in the death of one of Loghain's closest allies and our triumphant escape with the queen. Or of course instead of risking a stray blade or spell leaving us with a dead queen who would be hard to explain, I could surrender. Leliana doesn't like the idea, and to be honest I'm not too enthusiastic about it, but that's what I end up doing. The others are allowed to leave by a rather surprised flunky-lady.

It seems that as soon as everyone else left I must have been whacked over the head a bit, because the next thing I'm aware of is watching a panoramic of a very nicely equipped torture chamber with some enthusiastic torturers at work, before I wake up in a grubby cell next to it dressed only in my underwear. The man in the next cell is apparently enjoying the view, and asks me what I'm in for. When I tell him that I killed Rendon Howe he suggests that is probably worthy of a reward rather than imprisonment, torture, and death. Since I don't fancy the chances of one nearly naked ninja against a prison presumably full of guards, I suggest that some of my friends will come and try to get me out. Thinking about who, I decide that since they all like me, I should assume they'll try to pick a sensible group to come after me. That would be Morrigan for magical firepower, Leliana for bluffing guards and lockpicking, and Sten for heavy fighting.

What do you mean, there's only two allowed? And it's the first two picks, so I'm storming a fortress-prison with Morrigan and Leliana?

This could get hard.

[Bluenose]

Part the Fiftieth

Wherein a very efficient prison break is accomplished; and I try matchmaking

Leliana and Morrigan approach the prison dressed as Chantry Sisters. I do rather hope there isn?t some unfortunate Chantry priestess in a back alley somewhere in Denerim trying to find the villains who stole her robes, though Leliana had her own set still from Lothering. Apparently they?re trying a rather more subtle approach than blowing up everything that gets in their way. When they approach the guards, their story is that they?ve been sent to assist with services. While Morrigan may not be as familiar with the Chantry as Leliana, she gets into her role with gusto when the guards at first seem doubtful, and could certain pass as similar to some of the more fanatical Chantry priests I?ve encountered. Leliana is very much being the reasonable one.

The guards leave to fetch their supervisor, who when he arrives is quickly persuaded to allow his new clergy inside. When they go to see the current Mother, she?s extremely annoyed that she?s being pushed out of another job due to her age. When Leliana apologises, the incumbent leaves to chastise whoever it was sent them. This allows them free run of the place.

Now they?re able to start looking for me and eavesdropping on guards. I?m amused by one conversation, where it?s claimed that Arl Howe set some sort of record by being killed after just ten days as ruler of Denerim. I?ll have to put that on my CV. Eventually they find a room with several ballistae aimed towards a rather large door. Here the guards are less willing to let them through. Fortunately with some careful aiming and firing of the ballistae, they?re attracted away from the door to investigate these unusual happenings. I suspect clergy don?t fire siege weapons indoors very often in their experience, and I would have to admit I haven?t seen it done very often myself.

Once they?ve moved, of course, it?s possible to carry on. Beyond this point it seems that the guards like to hit first and ask questions later, since the disguises stop being useful. There are only a couple of fights although one involves a large group of mabari hounds and their handler. This is tough, since they?re fast enough to close in before Morrigan can get off some of her nastier spells, which mean the fight is much tougher. My supply of healing poultices is plentiful, but lyrium to replenish Morrigan?s mana is much less so. In the end, a quick Mind Blast stuns them, and then both the ladies retreat. Leliana keeps them stunned with one of her exploding arrow tricks, and this gives Morrigan time to get off a couple of her nastiest area spells. Which gets a bye-bye bad puppies result, and incidentally nets her 19th level.

Once they find me, in a cage in the next room, I get dressed in super quick time. I also release the man in the next cell. I don?t actually know anything about him but I would like to believe that we?ve talked to each other while Leliana and Morrigan have been working their way to me and would therefore feel sympathy for his plight. I apologise in advance to all his future victims if it turns out that he?s a homicidal serial killer of some sort.

On the way out, we loot both the soldiers? and officers? armouries, although very little of their gear is as good as what we already have. Leaving it for them to use against us seems like a bad idea, or at least that?s my story. Some of the doors which were easy to get through going in are not so easy when you?re getting out, so we have to look around near them for a key. These are in the possession of people who don?t seem enthusiastic about handing them over, and also don?t seem vulnerable to people sneaking up on them and picking their pockets. We?re forced to kill them and the guards around them, which isn?t too hard even with the one who has the key to the front gate.

Having escaped prison, my first thought is to visit the marketplace and sell the excess of goods we stole from it. I wonder about the priorities involved, though I suspect that the current regime may not have sufficient support among the normal guards to arrange woman-hunts throughout Denerim. Or it could be that they?ve been told about dangerous criminals like me, and having found out what we?ve done in the past decided that taking a long tea-break any time we?re around would be a healthy option. I also visit various locations around the district passing on information about the various people we found and in some cases rescued from Arl Howe?s estate. Some of them seem very unhappy with him and by extension with TTW Loghain which should help us when it comes to the Landsmeet, at least with the nobles involved.

Back at Arl Eamon?s the queen is waiting for me in his study. She and Eamon both express opinions on what we should do in preparation for the Landsmeet. They agree on the need to get as much support as we can and to try to find evidence in support of Anora?s belief that her father is paranoid. They don?t agree on who out candidate to be monarch should be. Eamon believes that Alistair is the correct choice owing to his descent from the bloodline of kings. Anora believes that he wouldn?t be any good at the job and that she has proved competent when she did most of the administration while married to Cailan. Before she retires to her room she asks me to go and speak with her.

Once she?s gone, Eamon suggests it would be a good idea for me to do exactly that, since he thinks she might become a problem. We discuss the issue and he makes it plain that he is very much in favour of keeping the throne in a royal bloodline that descends from the first king of Ferelden, which means Alistair is his choice for king. I?m inclined to think that there?s a good deal of sense in this since it?s a defence of the legitimate line, but I?m also aware that Alistair is not interested in being king.

When I go to talk to Anora, she tries to win my support for her bid for the throne. I still believe that she overestimates my importance, but she thinks I have significant status. She argues, quite convincingly, that she has significant personal popularity and proven competence and would make a good queen. Certainly better than Alistair, who is reluctant to take on the position of king in any case. In the end, and to reconcile the differences between her views and those of Arl Eamon, I suggest that perhaps the solution which most increases our chances of winning and avoids a split between us is for her and Alistair to marry. After she thinks about it she accepts that it?s a workable compromise if Alistair will leave her alone to do most of the work of ruling. She does wonder if Al is willing to go along with this but I say that I can persuade him.

When I return to Eamon, he sees the point of the compromise I suggested. He?s willing to support the plan. Although Alistair starts to object, I point out all the advantages of the scheme and ruthlessly exploit his affection for me until he agrees to go along with it as the scheme likeliest to lead to least bloodshed. So that?s settled, and at the Landsmeet we?ll be putting Anora and Alistair up as our candidates for the throne against TTW and whoever he can get to support him.

In the meantime, Anora reported trouble in the Alienage inspired by her father and Howe, so before anything else I?m going to investigate that. Hopefully it won?t have affected my family.

[Bluenose]

Part the Fifty-first

Wherein I go back home, and discover it isn't any more

When we get to the Alienage, it looks as awful as it should. There don't seem to be many changes at first. Though there are more sick people around than I remember. We come in near to my old home, so the first thing I try to do is see my father as he would no doubt appreciate a report from me. Unfortunately he isn't there, and for some reason the layout of the building is different. Soris is lurking around, so I talk to him.

Apparently a plague broke out in the Alienage, one that seems to be connected in some way to the Blight. Some mages from the Tevinter Imperium are here, and they're claiming that they're helping out with it. Apparently the people they've taken include Soris' wife, my father, and the hahren Valendrian. Cousin Shianni doesn't believe them, and since I'm familiar with the reputation of the Tevinter I'm already inclined to agree with her. Most people accept what they're doing. Also it appears that we, Soris and I, are being blamed for the crackdown on the Alienage. Presumably we should have just let ourselves get raped and perhaps murdered rather than make any sort of fuss. He suggests I go and talk to Shianni near the tree, where she's trying to stop people seeing the Tevinter.

I leave, and outside give some money to a beggar who claims to be a veteran who survived Ostagar. Shianni can be found arguing with a crowd of elves who are outside a building that the Tevinter are using as a hospital. She's losing the argument, frankly, since most people seem desperate for someone to help them and believe that the Tevinter are doing exactly that. She's both surprised and happy to see me, since it was thought all the Grey Wardens died at Ostagar. Although her comment that she hasn't seen me since my wedding day certainly gets an outraged reaction from Leliana. I tell Leli that it was a near miss, we had rapists and a spoiled cake, and she suggests we talk about it later. Shianni tells me one important fact, that while the Tevinter claim to be curing people no-one who's gone into the hospital has been seen again. At this point, I suspect sacrifices to aid in some sort of blood magic. Also, Shianni wants to hear all the gossip since I haven't bothered to write, and I suggest that when we're done we can all get drunk together.

Talking to the Tevinter outside yields no result, since they're only interested in the people they claim are sick. Though according to Shianni they've ignored some people who really seem ill and taken quite a few who showed no signs of sickness. Rather than argue with them, I decide to have a look around.

Along the street, I see someone who is obviously a Templar from his armour. He is mostly blind, having been injured in a battle with a blood-mage. He believes that there's something really wrong in the Alienage, but hasn't been able to track it down. Since I'm fairly sure the Tevinter are up to no good, I offer to help track down the problem and he accepts. I look around, talking to a crazy beggar woman, finding various fresh blood pools, and stumbling over the corpse of a rabid dog. To the Templar, these are all clues and they lead us to the old Orphanage.

Inside the deserted Orphanage, we find ghosts and a variety of demons. With the Templar, Oghren and I fighting them with support from Wynne's healing and Leliana's shooting, few are a problem. Working our way through the place, the Templar sometimes has to force the demons out of hiding before they'll fight us. After a major one falls, the Templar starts to think that there's still something wrong. Eventually near the back of the building we enter a room which he says holds the root of the problem. He tries to order the demon to face him, and it does come out of hiding. Unfortunately as it does so it drives a four-pointed spear into his back and tosses his body aside. It summons a few more demons and tries to kill us, but that doesn't work out too well for it. While dealing with this problem is satisfying, I'm not sure it has anything to do with the Tevinter after all.

Outside again we look around the back of the hospital. There's an elven guard on the back door, who claims to be there to stop people breaking the quarantine. Rather than kill him, I pay six sovereigns for him to look the other way and we sneak in. Inside, there are a few elves in a cage and a small group of guards. After we release the elves (and kill the guards), our search finds a note and a key on one of the tables. The note asks for six more male and eight more female elves. We go out the front door, and the 'Healers' outside and their guards promptly attack us. A large fight results, with some elves joining in. Once it's completed with the death of all the Tevinter, I speak to Shianni again. She says that the key looks like one for the apartments north-west of the hospital.

We head there, where I accost an elf who admits seeing groups of elves being taken through the building into the landlord's office before they disappear forever. I hurry through, and we fight the Tevinter guards we find there. Exiting the apartments by the back door, we're in an alley with a group of Tevinter guards. The guards don't believe my attempt to claim that we're relieving them, and we have to fight. They use tactics rather similar to ours with a front line of warriors backed up by missile support, but we work our way through them after some effort. At the other end of the alley is a warehouse.

Inside, we're challenged by an elven woman. She admits that the hospital is a front which I was already sure of, but for a group of slave traders rather than blood mages. She also says that if we interfere we'll be in trouble as it's sanctioned by TTW Loghain. I'm angry that she'll work with slavers to take other elves, but not so angry that I don't offer her a chance to leave rather than get hurt. Rather to my surprise she takes it. Obviously I'm better at intimidation than I realised.

Beyond this, we have a few fights with groups of Tevinter guards. One passage with archers at the end had a trap half way down, which Oghren decided it was a good idea to charge across while I was disarming it. Thank you dwarf berserker for making it blow up in my face. And it seems that you've got Alistair's disease of catching on fire. We still manage to kill the guards.

Finally, we find the Tevinter mage who's in charge of the operation. He's actually willing to talk to us, and offers a deal where in exchange for being allowed to leave with his slaves and a hundred sovereigns he'll give us evidence that proves TTW knew all about this. In his opinion, once the Landsmeet is settled one way or the other they won't be able to continue operating. My counter-offer involves releasing all the slaves and giving me the evidence, gets rejected as the slaves represent the major part of his profit, and I can't raise my financial offer to give him some incentive to take it. Since I'm not letting him leave with my father, even if it is some scheme to infiltrate the Tevinter Imperium, we end up in a fight. He's a formidable mage, and manages to get a blizzard spell of. Fortunately that makes him vulnerable to Wynne's magic, as she drains his mana to heal us up. I leave Oghren on the mage, while I work my way through his archers with Leliana's archery in support. Once most of them are down, we switch to concentrating on the mage. Eventually, enough damage is done that he surrenders. In the end I decide it's best to allow he to leave as an example of the dangers involved in crossing elf ninjas, and he does so after giving us the evidence against TTW.

My father is among the people we release, and he's pleased to see me. He's another who thought I died at Ostagar with the other Grey Wardens, which means none of the letters I sent have got through. He suggests I visit him at home for a talk. When we get there, he gives me a magical dagger that my mother used to use, and suggests I should eat more since I'm all skin and bones. My girlfriend has no complaints, thank you. Anyway, elves are supposed to be skinny.

[Bluenose]

Part the fifty-second

Wherein we take on Loghain himself, at talking

After that little excursion back home, we return to Arl Eamon's estate. Queen Anora is probably happiest to see us, since we've come back with evidence of TTW's deal. Apparently the suffering of the elven people is good for a few votes. I'm glad we can be of service. Anyway, all the nobles who are going to attend are here, so it's time for the Landsmeet.

As we approach, we're intercepted by TTW's Lackey-lady, in full armour and with a group of hard cases with her. I rather suspect she doesn't want us to attend. I think we could take her and her gang, though she'd likely say the same thing. That would mean we'd be attending the Landsmeet in blood-spattered clothing immediately after massacring a group of supporters of the other candidate. Somehow I rather suspect this wouldn't go down too well with the voters - at least I hope it wouldn't. It's not always easy to tell when you're dealing with human nobles. Fortunately my skills in influencing people are now quite immense, and I'm able to get her to stand down until after the meeting. We can always kill each other later, after all.

Finally we actually get to the Landsmeet proper. It's well attended, I have to say. Lots of men, and fewer women, in very fancy clothes. I hope Leliana manages to restrain herself from picking too many pockets, although I suppose if she doesn't get caught it won't matter. And there's Loghain himself, looking thoroughly dyspeptic. I do hope it's an ulcer, and that it hurts.

Once we're done with the introductions, both sides get to say their pitch. While there's lots of stages to this, and interruptions, our positions are fairly easily summarised.

Loghain thinks he should be king because he's Loghain. That makes him awesome, because he's a great hero and general who defeated the Orlesians and drove them out of Ferelden. He was also the closest friend of King Maric, who obviously thought he was special since he raised him from commoner to command the army and made him a high noble. He's got a great deal of experience, and knows what is best for Ferelden. He claims that we are a bad choice because the Grey Wardens killed King Cailen. Also the person/people we're trying to put on the throne are a Grey Warden bastard and a lackey of the Grey Wardens, which as I point out suggests he has a low opinion of his daughter.

Our pitch applies a rather subtly different spin on recent events. I actually make a serious effort to avoid saying much about Alistair, only pointing out that he has a legitimate bloodline that goes back to the founding of the kingdom, which is more than anyone else can say. I'm much more concerned to point out the benefits of Anora, who we want to make queen, and who has clearly done an excellent job running the country while she's been allowed to get on with things without interference. I make it clear that the combination of efficient rulership and the legitimate (there's that word again) bloodline is the choice to unite Ferelden.

I also point out several things that go against Loghain, and I restrain myself from directly insulting. He's allowed his followers to trample on the traditional rights of the nobility, which is obviously a bad thing (at least if you're a noble). Why, we found nobles being held prisoner and tortured in the estate of the person he put in charge of running Denerim. He's upset the Chantry, having his minion seize it's agents and again torture them. He's alienated his own daughter, which is another sign that he'd be a divisive choice rather than the unifying one we prefer. And he's also allowed Tevinter mages to take elves from the Alienage to sell as slaves, which appears to upset a few people who are mostly annoyed that they didn't get their cut.

Once the discussion has wound down with TTW looking even more choleric than before, we wait for the result of the vote. Sadly, no-one seems interested in a small side-wager on the result. Finally though the result comes in.

And we win! Not that I ever had any doubt, since truth and justice are on our side. And we've spent a lot of money bribing people as well. I'm very pleased with myself, since this is my second successful election campaign. I wonder if there's anywhere else that could use my expertise.

I really should have seen this coming, after my experience in dwarfland. On the other hand, Loghain doesn't look much like a dwarf. He appeals the decision in the same way Prince Bhelen did, on the basis that he's got more/better warriors immediately available. Though I have to say declaring everybody who voted against him a traitor pre-emptively is a bit cheeky of him. Lot's of swords get drawn, and clearly we're in for a climactic fight.

[Bluenose]

Part the Fifty-third

Wherein we fight Loghain with swords, not words! Twice!

This is rather a large fight, spread over a wide area. I think it would help if the different sides had some sort of identifying marks, as once or twice I approach a group with no idea which side I'm going to be fighting on. Hopefully I got it right most times. Other participants seem to have no such problem, although it's quite possible some personal scores are being settled at the same time. That would be quite appropriate in the circumstances.

Gradually we work our way around the periphery of the fight eliminating groups of TTW's supporters as they fight others on our side. On occasions he manages to rally a group of his followers around him, presumably planning a counter-attack. These attract Morrigan's fireballs, which must be quite discouraging. I make sure his mages are dealt with as quickly as possible, usually with a stunning attack from Leliana's archery followed by some aggressive stabbing. Most of them can't stand up to this very well.

We work our way through the fight, gradually eliminating TTW's followers until there's only a hard core left around him. Rather than throw ourselves straight at them, they get softened up first with archery - I think this might be only the second time I got a bow out myself - and magic. After a while they start to break up, and that's when I draw my swords and go after Loghain himself. I start gleefully carving into him, and then there a wham and I'm half way across the room on my backside seeing stars. I guess that means I've got to watch for his backhand.

Alistair takes up the slack, and my second approach is rather more circumspect. This time I get in behind, and my poisoned flaming electrically-charged deathrooted blades do some very good work. His health drops precipitously, until suddenly there's a call for a surrender and parley. It's very disappointing, as I thought things were going so well.

Though apparently it's actually not our side that's giving in.

The parley nets one positive result. We're going to have a duel to decide who wins the Landsmeet. It's strange, because I'm pretty sure we already did and we've killed nearly all of Loghain's men in the subsequent fight. Though that's what the human nobles appear to want, and it is their country they're staking on it. We have a little discussion among ourselves over who should actually fight the duel with Loghain. It's rather tempting to see how he fares with Sten or Shale, or perhaps Shep. All of them would certainly be willing. In the end though the only choice I'm going to make is to fight him myself. I allow myself a moment of quiet meditation as preparation, which gives Zevran time to whip up an even deadlier version of his normal poisons, and then move out to engage the would-be King.

It's one of the tougher fights I've had. He might not be quite as deadly offensively as an ogre and certainly a dragon, but he's very hard to hurt without the advantage of stabbing him from behind. Occasionally I manage to stun him and get a few in, but never for very long. Three healing poultice bottles end up on the floor, along with one reload of poison, before he's finally beaten down. And then just before I'm expecting to land the death blow, he surrenders.

What a scurvy trick.

We're now faced with having to decide how to treat a defeated hero who tried to usurp the throne. The Warden who we rescued from Arl Howe's estate turns up, suggesting that we make him drink the Grey Warden bug juice and join us. Alistair is outraged, claiming that becoming a Warden should be an honour rather than a punishment. It's funny in a wat because he knows how I became one. Anora is in favour of this, since she really doesn't want her father to be executed no matter what he's done. I have a feeling this could be a problem.

In the end, I don't think its practical to go hunting for some darkspawn to get the blood Loghain needs for his ritual, even if we had all the other material required. Thinking about it, I suppose if we didn't our other Warden wouldn't have made the offer, but I was coming off an adrenaline high from the fight and not thinking particularly rationally. I'm also not sure alienating Alistair is a wise idea at this time, and although alienating Anora is probably no better I won't be depending on her to cover my back while fighting an ogre. Loghain dies on the end of my sword, Anora gets proclaimed Queen with Alistair to marry her, and most people seem to think this is a happy ending.

Back at Arl Eamon's estate, Anora doesn't seem terribly pleased with me. The Blight is spreading, so for our next trick we are to head back to Redcliffe to plan our operations against it. As long as Denerim doesn't fall while we're gone, I suppose it's not a bad idea especially since out armies seem to be gathering in that area.

[Bluenose]

Part the Fifty-Fourth

Wherein we gain perspective on the zombie apocalypse

Our return to Redcliffe involves an uneventful journey, which seems remarkable given the number of darkspawn who are assumed to be infesting the countryside. Maybe they're only attracted by Grey Wardens when they're part of a small group, and larger groups witha Warden are immune. Or perhaps they're just lazy.

Once we reach Redcliffe itself, things are a lot more hectic. The castle and village are both under attack. While it's suggested that we could just head for the castle, instead I take a group down the hill into the village. I have fond memories of our previous visit, when nearly everyone wanted us to save them, when the blacksmith was on strike till I promised to visit the castle and find his daughter, when we ended up fighting a zombie apocalypse hand-to-hand and Alistair set himself on fire again, when the smell of fish permeated my clothes to such an extent that they're still not odorless...

I wonder if it's too late to go back up the hill?

Apparently it is, because we're almost immediately in combat with a fairly large gang of darkspawn. Without any ogres they fall quickly. I think I preferred this place when we were defending it against zombies instead of attacking it against darkspawn. Though I wonder how things would have been if we still had a zombie army available. I'll bet they'd have done all right against the Blight. We wander around the rest of the village, killing the stragglers, opening everything which can be opened and liberating anything inside, until it finally occurs to me that there aren't any more darkspawn around. I consider using the escape tunnel, since it seems likely there are a few darkspawn outside the castle, but that probably wouldn't be the expected course of action. Instead, we head straight to the castle. Presumably over the bridge, which would be a great choke point and which I actually don't remember ever seeing.

In the courtyard there are more darkspawn, perhaps as many as we killed in the village but in a more concentrated area. This means they are able to set on us as a group rather than turning up in bits. Fortunately the area near the gate is reasonably confined, which means we're not surrounded by them. As has become normal, our priority targets are the mages and again they don't show much resilience. Once they're down, it becomes a matter of methodically working our way through the darkspawn. Since we've now got a large selection of area attacks, even the warrior types, this doesn't take too long. As the last of them falls, an ogre turns up but having defeated plenty of these before it doesn't worry me.

Though this is rather a big one. And he hits harder than most. Fortunately he's quite vulnerable to magic and even when he picks Shale up (which is an impressive feat) a quick stun leads to the ogre dropping Shale. Since he dies immediately afterwards I rather suspect that Shale landed on his foot and the knocked off his last few hit points. Though I didn't see the normal 'ogre-killing' animation from Shale, so perhaps it was one of the others. Personally I prefer to believe Shale things climbing an ogre to stab it is a little silly.

After defeating the assault on Redcliffe we go inside to talk to the Arl. He's with the rescued Grey Warden, whose name I will remember, eventually. They inform us that after we left, the darkspawn army attacked Denerim. And that they're led by the Archdemon him/her/itself. I rather suspect that saying I'm glad not to be there wouldn't go down well. We're to collect our armies, the ones which did such a good job of defending Redcliffe so recently, and return to Denerim to defeat the darkspawn horde.

And Mr Warden then invites us, me and Alistair, to visit his room. He's really not my type and I'm not sure about a three-way considering Alistair's preferences, but we comply anyway. As it turns out, he has some extremely important information for us. Apparently the Archdemon can only be killed by a Grey Warden, otherwise it will simply possess the body of another darkspawn and the war will continue. If it gets a Warden, then both of them die permanently. Now he claims that he'll take on this task, but I have the strangest feeling that when we actually get to Denerim his attempt is likely to fail and it will be left up to us. Which means me, since there's no way I'm letting Alistair ruin our carefully planned royal wedding by being a hero. This is apparently a great secret, not to be spread around among people who aren't Wardens.

I wonder if this is good for a statue in front of the palace afterwards. Heroic city elf grey warden ninja poised to slay demonic dragon. Tragic death, people weep. Yippee.

Afterwards, I head for my room to start writing my heroic last words. I find Morrigan there with a proposition for me. Since I can't realistically use the line about not liking women that way, I hear her out. She apparently knows the great secret about Grey Wardens sacrificing their lives to kill the Archdemon, and has an alternative plan. Some Grey Warden has to impregnate her with a child that will absorb the soul of the Archdemon, cleansing the taint from it and incidentally allowing the Warden who strikes the killing blow to live. Afterwards, she'll leave quietly. Which since I can't do it means I have to find a way to persuade Alistair to have sex with Morrigan.

It turns out not to be too difficult a task. Alistair is presumably tired of the virgin/purity jokes he's been hearing from Oghren, and sets about this latest task after a certain amount of his usual moaning. Not that I filled him in on everything that's supposed to happen, but the royal family of Ferelden is probably happier when it's ignorant. Certainly Cailen was happy, if dumb.

Once I've checked to make sure everything goes as intended, I take to my bed for a well-earned rest before the return to Denerim.

[Bluenose]

Part the Fifty-fifth

Wherein we storm the city that I thought we were defending

When we get to Denerim, there's a pall of smoke over the city. Someone let the horde in. They'd better hope I don't find them. We're outside the gates of Denerim, and as we go forward there's a massive wave of darkspawn hurlocks and genlocks. Hundreds of them, thousands perhaps (slight exaggeration), coming out of the ground and throwing themselves at us.

Not that it does them any good at all. For the first time the whole party is fighting together, and we make and awesome darkspawn mincing machine. We've also got the other Warden, and a large group of soldiers from Redcliffe. We keep moving forward, chopping them down in two or three strokes at most. I'm not sure who gets the highest kill count here, I suspect it's Morrigan with her array of magical area attacks, but afterwards there are too many corpses with little glowing lights above them for me to think it's worth bothering to loot most of them. It's not as if we're short of lyrium potions, healing poultices, poisons or any of the other consumables that are all they're likely to have that we would want to use.

Going past them we meet our Grey Warden not-quite-boss, who is heading into the city to seek out and confront the Archdemon. He wants us to help out by eliminating some of the archdemon's generals who are already in the city. One is in the marketplace doing a bit of shopping, while the other is going for the Alienage having been informed that elves are tastier than humans. I will also need to leave some of the party behind to help defend the city gates, which will be a job for Alistair as I don't want the next king getting killed unnecessarily. In the end I take Shale as the main defensive warrior who is very hard to take down, Oghren as a secondary tank and heavy hitter, me to do even more damage in melee or with my bow, and Wynne for magical firepower and healing. I leave Sten in charge, listen to everyone's advice for the battle (which mostly amounts to telling me not to die, which I wasn't planning on doing anyway), and set off to the Alienage. Also, I get to summon contingents from the various groups of allies I have to help me fight the darkspawn. Most of them are good in melee, but the Dalish are archers and the mages are, predictably enough, good at magic.

When we get there, there are no darkspawn around. Instead we move to the centre of the area where Shianni in rather a panic tells us that they're breaking in at the other entrance. I promise to make them regret trying, and head off towards the other gate. We arrive as an ogre is battering it down, and take advantage while it's upright to unload missile weapons on the horde behind it. Shale's thrown boulder is particularly helpful, with the spellcasting emmisaries probably regretting standing so close to the gate just before it lands. While normally I'd probably have tried fighting near the gate, this time I've got an army which needs space to deploy so we fall back into an open space around the corner before the ogre finishes battering it's head against the gates.

I decide that a contingent of soldiers from Redcliffe is most appropriate here, since I would rather avoid showing the Dalish and Dwarves how city elves live. They'd probably be jealous. Also, I'm saving the mages for the most critical situations. As they deploy around us, we take our potions, and as the ogre smashes through the gate get ready to rumble. The darkspawn charge almost immediately breaks up, since Wynne throws an Earthquake spell into the street and Shale follows up with another thrown rock. I have a feeling the local road-repair bill is going up this year. In the confusion I pick out the darkspawn general who we're after, and to my delight he's a spellcaster. Wynne promptly gets to use Mana Clash for the first time, with excellent results. Once he's down, the only remaining spellcaster follows to my bow. Without any magical support, it's just a matter of time until we finish the darkspawn off on our blades.

After this, we head towards the market. This time, I order some dwarves to accompany me since they're probably going to be here looting the taverns anyway before very long. Near the entrance, which isn't the one we normally use, there's a group of ogres protecting a pair of emmisaries. I actually make Wynne use Mana Drain on the emissaries, since mana clash is pretty draining and I can see there are more fights ahead. We deal with the ogres quite easily, and when a mob of dwarves (particularly one including both Oghren and a Legionnaire) pile onto a couple of spellcasters who can't get many spells of it's not a pretty sight. Though mobs of dwarves, Oghren and darkspawn emissaries aren't pretty sights at any time, to be honest.

On the other side of the market, which has been quite effectively wrecked, we find the general we were looking for. He's got a small bodyguard with him, which is good, but they're ogres, which isn't so good. Unfortunately while searching for him we got close enough for them to spot us, so there's no time to soften them up with missile fire or magic before we engage. It's a tough fight, since the general is rather good at knocking people down and sitting on your backside being pounded by an ogre is not the most pleasant experience I've ever had. When I get up, the new plan involves Shale tanking the general in one of his special stances that mean he can't be knocked down, Wynne concentrating on healing him, and me and Oghren concentrating on dropping one ogre after another. Several dwarves give their lives holding ogres up until we can get round to them. Once they're all down though, the General discovers that quantity has a quality all of it's own and is soon pounded into the pavement.

[Bluenose]

Part the Fifty-Sixth

Wherein we present ourselves at the palace, and find the royal family is out

First, there's a short interlude. Back at the city gates, the others get interrupted while they're playing Charades by a reinforcing party of darkspawn. Although there's an option to send for help in the form of one of the armies I've recruited, it seems sensible to hold back for the moment. Particularly since Sten of the Barasaad is a proud warrior race guy, and unlikely to accept that he needs help from any but the most extraordinary people. In this case he's quite right, since all that comes at them is a mix of genlocks and hurlocks, just the Blight's ordinary warriors. Holding their ground is easy, and eventually the flow of reinforcements dribbles out and the last falls. While I don't imagine it would have worked, a few darkspawn mages would have made this a lot more dangerous.

In the meantime, look! Up in the sky! It's the Archdemon-Dragon! And the other Grey Warden guy has climbed a pillar to jump on it's back! Why wasn't I allowed to do that? There he goes, cutting half it's wing off. Should be over pretty soon. That doesn't look too good though. I hope he's got a good parachute.

Actually it appears he doesn't have a parachute at all. That looks like a nasty fall. I somehow didn't think the major bad guy boss was going to fall to someone other than me anyway, but the fact that he bounces twice after the fall suggests it's not going to be Roaring Dan who finishes the archdemon off.

At this point a messenger turns up, telling me that the Archdemon has landed on the roof of Fort Drakon in the palace district. I remember that place, I was in prison there in my underwear. Apparently they think my eyesight is rather bad, which I suspect is anti-elf prejudice. Anyway, we head off towards the palace to deal with it.

The Fort is apparently on a hill, which has been artificially turned into a series of three terraces linked by stairs. Obviously they're not concerned by wheelchair access. It appears that the staff of the fort have been replaced by darkspawn, and they aren't accepting visitors. We discuss the matter on the northern stairs with the help of a group of soldiers from Redcliffe, and the ogres are forced to agree that they can perhaps accept a few visitors. The archers who were backing them up wake up just in time to receive an axe in the head, which discourages them from making any objections. Rather thn head straight up to the second tier, I decide to head for the southern staircase and repeat the process there on the darkspawn who would otherwise be able to come after us from behind. I'm not able to persuade the soldiers to come, but this isn't really a problem. We wade into the archers from behind, and by the time the ogres can react their missile support is bleeding to death on the floor. By now, one-on-one with an ogre isn't a problem for us.

Looking at the next staircase, I sneak part way up it to see what we're faced with. Looking at the array of darkspawn present, I decide that a certain amount of discretion is advisable. Wynne starts off with an Earthquake spell delivered into the middle of the group, and then I follow up with a couple of flasks of acid and some archery against the mages. Since this means that eny darkspawn who can stand up are charging me, I retreat down the stairs and lead them back towards the Shale, Oghren, and the soldiers. Although there's a lot of enemies, we've got significant numbers on our side and the darkspawn arrive in small groups as they recover from the magic. Even so, by this stage the Redcliffe soldiers are beginning to look a little bedraggled due to their losses.

One last tier stands between us and the gate, and I decide to repeat the last process. This time though as I'm sneaking up the stairs I manage to set off a trap. Fortunately this doesn't break my stealth, and the darkspawn stand around trying to look impressive while I remain stunned. Since this worked so well, I wander up the rest of the way to see if there are any more traps. There aren't and we follow the routine we practiced before, disrupting the darkspawn ability to engage us as an organised group. A lot of them are Shrieks, which in my experience do better sneaking up on people than in a stand up fight. There are a pair of emmisaries, but they constitute a resource for Wynne to replenish her mana so I avoid killing them quickly on this occasion. Once the last of these enemies are defeated, we're outside the gates of Fort Drakon with the archdemon waiting for us above.

[Bluenose]

Part the Fifty-Seventh

Wherein a most dangerous dwarf reveals his abilities

On the approaches to Fort Drakon we get ambushed. As we appraoch the gates, we find hurlocks to the left of us, hurlocks to the right of us, and a mini-dragon in front of us. The hurlocks are bow-armed, so I rush one group, Oghren rushes the other, and I leave Shale and Wynne to handle the dragonlet. Standing around getting shot at was not an appealing idea. After the first dragon falls, a second one joins the fight. It stall has to deal with Shale, and by now the hurlocks are busy trying to defend themselves in melee. I actually finish of the last of my group just before Oghren gets through his, which I think he'll probably have to blame on not being berserk enough with such weak enemies.

Once we've replenished our supplies off their bodies, I sneak a little further forward. There's rather a large crowd of hurlocks on the steps in front of us, and it includes several spellcasters. It's probably a good thing they didn't join in the last fight. With a company of Dalish elves in tow, I have Wynne drop an earthquake spell on them and we punish them for their poor tactical abilities with missile fire. One or two manage to get off a few shots or spells in return, but not enough to cause any casualties. Once they're down, the entrance to the fort is clear.

Inside, there are a few pile of books that the darkspawn haven't yet eaten lying around in side rooms. In the first real chamber, a genlock conjuror summons a large group of shades around us. One of Shale's lobbed rocks stuns most of them and we charge forward to the conjuror's position where he's quickly killed. Afterwards the shades aren't too much of a problem, and we work our way through them methodically.

The exit to the south leads us to a corridor junction, where a hurlock mage and a lot of shambling corpses attack us. Since it's not practical to engage the mage directly when we're all in melee except for Wynne, and she's busy trying to heal us, I decide it's better to fall back into the previous room. The corpses shamble slowly after us, though some sort of shapechanger is foolish enough to follow quickly enough to get mobbed by us while on his own. Once he's down, we set up in the doorway and start chopping down corpses as they arrive. The mage gets to be useful after Wynne drops one of her spells on him to syphon away his mana and replenish hers, so we avoid killing him until she doesn't need to do any more healing. Afterwards, we inspect the rooms to the South, which seem to have been an armoury. Since there's nothing there better than our current gear, I restrict looting to some enchanted arrows.

West, we find another large room. The Dwarf enchanter-idiot Sandal is in it, surrounded by dead darkspawn. There's enough of them that I'd have my doubts that I could have beaten them solo. Sandal doesn't seem at all flustered, explaining their defeat with the single word, "Enchantment!" Given how much damage he's doen I'd be happy to recruit him, but he doesn't seem too interested. He seems willing to buy and sell things and enchant items, I hurry back to the armouries to take everything that isn't locked up and then open the locks. Selling it, I empty a lot of my purse into buying the best enchanting runes for sale and have all our equipment enhanced as much as possible.

We move on, heading up the stairs to the second floor. The next floor has a lot of little rooms and short passages. We do some looting, although most of it is likely to be wasted unless we return to Sandal. To the south, we find a mess hall which has three very tough darkspawn in it. Shale, Oghren and I take on one each while Wynne concentrates on healing us, but we actually have to squeeze a couple of healing poultices out before they're done.

Worse is the next corridor, where as I move forward to disable a trap I get stabbed from behind by three skilled darkspawn assassins. Someone might have mentioned they were there. With my life bleeding out rapidly, I retreat behind Shale and Oghren and start frantically healing up. Fortunately Wynne manages to get a Sleep spell off, and even more luckily two of the assassins are affected. Without the ability to flank enemies but instead flanked himself, their leader falls to the double act of Oghren and Shale. The other two get stomped awake and killed one at a time. Unfortunately the noise seems to have attracted more, as a group of genlocks have had their beauty sleep interrupted and turn up to complain while the duo are still finishing their second assassin. For a while I find myself taking on the whole mob on my own, until Wynne lets loose with a Mind Blast and I'm suddenly stabbing away at stunned targets. Which is a situation I'm a lot happier with, though I imagine the genlocks would object - if they weren't dead, that is.

The last rooom before the roof has a solitary mage in it. Considering his situation, he's looking rather too confident. Anyone who'd got this far is probably more than a match for one spellcaster. I'm quite right to be suspicious, as two ogres are lurking in side rooms waiting for enemies to appear. Since I've discovered this by sneaking in, and they don't react, I carry on to the far side of the room until I'm behind the emissary and let him have both of my (poisoned, flaming, electrically charged) blades in the kidneys. The next attack is a stunning one, and while the ogres do come out after me they quickly find it's rather more prudent to engage Oghren and Shale. As soon as the emissary comes out of his stunned state, I stun him again and apply my boot to his groin area for good measure. With him expired, I rush over to help finish off Shale's ogre and then we combine to drop the last.

Looking around the area, we find some more healing poultices and lyrium potions, and I make sure that we've used any remaining crafting items in our inventory. I have some doubts that luring traps will be necessary, but if we need tham and having got them this is the last chance to make any. More healing and lyrium is of course never a bad thing. To the roof! The Archdemon awats!

And we wouldn't want him to get bored, would we.

[Bluenose]

Part the Fifth-Eight

Wherein... well, we all know what the hero does to the main bad guy at the end of the adventure

There?s a theory that when young people are really pretty they don?t have to work at it and as they age they don?t know how to work at it. Therefore end up looking at lot worse than people who know how to take care of themselves. Urthemiel was apparently once the Tevinter Imperium's god of beauty, with a twelve day festival of arts and music in his honour. His current appearance suggests that theory is correct. Unless he's now going for god of ugly as well. Currently he's sat on the roof of Fort Drakon looking rather bedraggled and sorry for himself, thanks to Roaring Dan's exercise with his wing. When we arrive, he?s just finishing off elements of our that got here early.

Shale engages him directly, nearly immune to fire breath owing to his embedded crystals and impossible to knock down because he's such a solid lump of rock. While he does get smacked around about by Urthemiel's bite and claws, a lot of the fight is spent with him under the effect of Wynne's Invulnerability spell. Since healing poultices also work on lumps of animated rock, he's not in much danger.

Wynne spends nearly the whole fight in one corner of the roof, guzzling down lyrium potions like an addict and casting very little except healing and protection spells. She does some blasting with her staff, but otherwise avoids offensive magic throughout. Most of the time she's surrounded by a party of Dalish elves, and I think she got through the whole fight without suffering any damage. I suspected that her already-dead animated by a spirit from the Fade status meant she was likely to die doing something awesome, but that proved unnecessary.

Oghren meanwhile is much more vulnerable to the dragon's breath, since he isn't nearly immune to it as Shale and I am. He rushes in early on, gets breathed on quite thoroughly, and retreats to heal up. Then he repeats the trick. No-one never said dwarves were smart.

I can survive being breathed on since I'm wearing dragon-hide armour. Where things go wrong when I first approach the god from behind is that I've forgotten one rule I learnt fighting the last two dragons we killed - their tail is a weapon. Picking myself out of the corner, I heal up and go in again, trying to avoid the rear arc this time.

We carry on like this for a while, with Shale surviving in front of the dragon Oghren and I going in and doing some damage before retreating to heal, and the elves plinking away and probably doing more damage than the rest of us together. Then Urthemiel gives a roar, and start employing some new magic. This is a rather strange swirling affair, which doesn't seem to do a great deal of damage but does seem to stop healing work if you're within it. We shift around to avoid it, but now there are darkspawn arriving in numbers as well. Rather than continue the efforts against Urthemiel with Oghren and myself, we set on the darkspawn while Shale continues to occupy the dragon and the elves continue to plink away. This proves rather more effective than I was expecting, The darkspawn seem quite happy to attack the nearest available enemy, and their corpses soon pile up across the roof. Shale remains nearly unkillable, and the elves keep up a steady rate of damage.

Until eventually Urthemiel has had enough. With a roar, he retreats onto a section of roof that we can't approach on foot. He also starts to call down a rain of blue stuff from the sky, damaging his selected targets. I?ve been wondering what all the siege weaponry was doing up here, and it now becomes apparent that it?s been deployed aiming inwards so that if an angry archdemon-dragon should land on the roof people will have something to aim at it. After Shale has chucked a lump of stone at the dragon I leave him and Oghren to get on with fighting the darkspawn, who continue to pour into the area. I move over to the ballista. At first I was worried that Urthemiel would start attacking the Dalish, who are still shooting away merrily at him. This doesn?t happen, probably because my ballista shots are doing more damage to him. While he does keep bringing bits of sky down on me, I?ve enough healing poutlices for this not to matter too much and Wynne is still in a good state mana-wise if I need further healing.

Eventually Urthemiel gives up on this game which he?s losing, and heads back onto a normal section of roof. He does start getting really nasty now, as the darkspawn start to explode. I?m not sure how enthusiastic I?d be following a leader who made me explode. I leave Shale, protected by another force field, to take the brunt of their attack. I?m fairly sure they do more damage to each other than to him. Oghren and I, with the Dalish shooting in our support, head in and start trying to finish Urthemiel with axe and sword (and dagger). This time I don?t pull back when he hurts us and just keep hacking away as fast as possible.

Eventually Urthemiel falters. With his last health fading, he collapses on the roof. And then, Grey Warden Ninja completes Grey Warden Ninja?s job. I grab a two-handed sword from a fallen soldier and stab it through the skull of Urthemiel. In a burst of light he?s no more. It appears Morrigan and Alistair got their bit right too, since I don?t die.

It should be a moment to celebrate. Somehow, I just feel a bit tired.

[Bluenose]

The Epilogue

Wherein we find out what happened to the survivors

The light show put on when the archdemon died impressed everyone. Perhaps the least happy were the darkspawn, who were reminded by the sight of their gods charred corpse that they had left a dwarf on a spit back in the Deep Roads. They made their apologies for leaving so early when everyone was being so hospitable, but claimed to be worried about the risk of a fire and left for home in greatly diminished numbers. The Warden?s army didn?t pursue them, apparently being more interested in celebrating. They then attempted to set a world record for the largest recorded hangover, but fell short of the previous total by seven elves (who are pretty lightweight anyway).

Anora and Alistair were crowned and married a few days later in one ceremony. Attempts to persuade The Warden to act as a bridesmaid failed when she scowled and pointed out that her last wedding ceremony ended in a homicidal rampage. Anora proved to be a wise and efficient ruler, ushering in an age of prosperity for Ferelden. Alistair was rather less interested in ruling, but he quickly found that Denerim was prone to fires. His willingness to plunge into a burning building to rescue people made him popular, though the fact that he sometimes went in when there was no one to rescue puzzled some people. Eventually it was remembered that he?d spent part of his youth being hit over the head by ogres and people accepted that the best way to get through to their king was to talk in a loud, clear voice and use short words. Alistair was puzzled that everyone had started to talk like The Warden.

After the coronation, several groups were honoured for their assistance. The Dalish had assisted Ferelden in its hour of need, and in compensation were awarded an area of land to call their own. After careful consideration land to the south of Ostagar was selected. This was considered ideal by most of the nobles, as it was a long way from the best agricultural land that they held, at the end of a ruined highway, in an area ruined by the Blight, and susceptible to raiding by barbarians. All told, an ideal elven territory. The Dalish were suitably grateful.

The City Elves also saw an increase in their status, with their leader being made a Bann. The Warden?s cousin Shianni was given the post. Some money was even spent in the area, with cobbles being laid on the roads. It quickly became a traditional show of elven hospitality to pry them up and throw them at slumming human nobles.

The dwarves returned to Orzammar happy. They?d tasted human beer, and a few had showed sufficient restraint to bring some home. While King Harrowmont lived he insisted that the fermented fungus used by dwarves was a tradition that had to be kept, despite the protests this caused. Two years later he died in an unfortunate accident where he fell backwards onto an extremely sharp spoon seventeen times. Some dusters should probably have been punished for this, but everyone was too busy writing to human breweries to remember.

The mages returned to the Circle?s giant phallic symbol, where they spent the next twenty-seven years attempting to improve the tower. Alternative designs for vertical shafts with flying magic, teleportation circles, moving carpeted slopes and trained giant eagles were proposed, debated, and rejected as improvements over the previous staircases. Eventually their dwarf visitor, tired of the debate, borrowed some templars as a work force and built four efficient lifts in the course of a week. This didn?t actually stop the arguments but it did mean they went on while people went up and down in the lifts.

Of The Warden?s companions, Sten was the first to leave. He returned to the Qunari with the information about the Blight that he was sent to collect. Sadly for the Qunari his exposure to the culture of Ferelden meant he also returned with both cookies and kittens. Within five years the reputation of the Qunari as hard cases was in tatters. At this point they remembered that required them to ensure animals were properly treated. Five years later they were generally recognised as really nasty again, and the habit in some quarters of disposing of unwanted kittens by throwing them into a river in a sack became known as suicide-by-Qunari.

Oghren stayed in Ferelden for a while, but eventually returned to the tavern near Lake Calenhad for his girlfriend. With the money earned while travelling with The Warden he bought the tavern. To most people?s surprise he gave up drinking, becoming a sober and respectable member of society. Who just happened to like screaming at people and waving a large axe around.

Morrigan was last seen heading west, and apparently left Ferelden in the form of a wolf. No-one at all seems to think that her pregnancy will lead to the birth of a terrible abomination with the power of an old god, that?s for sure. Certainly The Warden wasn?t worried about it.

Shale took up gardening, where she showed a particular aptitude for rockeries. Gardens created by one of The Warden?s companions became a popular statement among Ferelden?s nobles. Some did consider it slightly unusual that all of them had a colony of bird-eating spiders, but this was accepted as a personal foible.

Wynne decided to spend the last years of her life travelling. She visited as many of the world?s centres of magical learning as she could, and it appears that this may have extended her life span as she lived for another thirty years. Some mages formed a theory that this was because the number of lyrium potions she?d drunk while serving The Warden had pickled her, and if anyone had worked out a way to test this experiments would have begun.

Zevran stayed longer in Denerim than the rest, before he eventually left town on a ?borrowed? horse in quite a hurry. Hundreds of women were found in tears over the next week and had to be persuaded that there was still a reason to live. With his reputation secure as a result of his travels with The Warden, he found that the assassin business was less profitable than taking money to not assassinate people. There are always more people who want to not be assassinated than were willing to pay his fees to kill someone.

And what of The Warden and Leliana? They left Denerim a few weeks after the victory over the archdemon, pursued by a shoe-maker who wanted them returned as they were his best customers. They were seen crossing the border into Orlais. While news is limited, Orlesian shoe-manufacturers report bumper profits, and several of the more obnoxious chevaliers have been found mentally disturbed, saying something about a bard and an elf who they need protection from. Not that this proves anything.

[Bluenose]

Deleted Scene 1

Wherein The Warden and Leliana do things together

As I walked hand in hand with Leliana towards our tent, I noticed that the other members of the party were reacting in their own ways. Sten seemed to be pondering whether it would affect our mission; Zevran looked as if he was working on a way to get invited to take part; Wynne's eyes twinkled; Shale appeared indifferent; Morrigan looked as if she thought I could do better; Oghren was looking for someone selling tickets; and the slight tinkling sound coming from Alistair suggested his heart had shattered. Not that was particularly concerned with how they felt.

Inside our clothes went in all directions quite rapidly, without much care being involved. Leliana reached out and pulled me down onto the bedroll, then she started to caress my

Spoiler

The rest of this scene deleted to retain a PG-rating

I squirmed on top of her, and my hand began to rub

Spoiler

And this one

She moved on top of me and her hands slid across my

Spoiler

My word, they are feeling energetic

I slid down, and began to kiss her

Spoiler

Okay, remember you've got darkspawn to fight in the morning and need some rest

We

Spoiler

Oh god, somebody get a bucket of water

Exhausted, we slept in each others arms.