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[Ipsissimus]

Tis the season! So sayeth Haer'Dalis.
Original song here

God rest ye tiefling actors' troupe, let nothing ye dismay
Remember that this sparrow stole the planar gem away
To rescue us from Darkwood's men, all angered from that play
O, tidings of entropy and joy, chaos and joy
O, tidings of entropy and joy.



And one more, in honor of that obnoxious fighter/thief. Original song here. I didn't actually change that much, which sort of scares me.

I've roamed o'er this land that's called Faerun
And now to Arvandor I go
And I know that good quarters are waiting
To welcome old Coran the Bow

To welcome old Coran the Bow
To welcome old Coran the Bow
And I know that good quarters are waiting
To welcome old Coran the Bow


I've always said ?luck be a lady?
And a rogue's life is short as you know
So with this in mind as you listen
Say farewell to old Coran the Bow

Say farewell to old Coran the Bow
Say farewell to old Coran the Bow
So with this in mind as you listen
Say farewell to old Coran the Bow


I've only this one consolation
As out of this world I go
And I know that the next generation
Will resemble old Coran the Bow

Will resemble old Coran the Bow
Will resemble old Coran the Bow
And I know that the next generation
Will resemble old Coran the Bow


I hear now Sehanine approaching
The shepherd of elves who would go
Away to that plane of Arvandor
Including old Coran the Bow

Including old Coran the Bow
Including old Coran the Bow
Away to the plane of Arvandor
Including old Coran the Bow

[Ipsissimus]

...There is no hope for me. I fear that my ambition doth exceed my ability, but I did a BG parody of American Pie. Actually, I parodied Weird Al's parody: link to video and to lyrics. I repeat...there is no hope for me. Nonetheless--here it is, sung by my Bhaalspawn bard Deirdre.



A long, long time ago
At night along the Coast Way
A mage was under an attack
And I thought me and Gorion
Would leave the Keep and
Maybe watch each others' backs
But Sarevok, he didn't get it
With his sword, dad was beheaded
I got hit with an arrow
And my escape was narrow
The morning after this event
Me and Im, well, away we went
To the Friendly Arm our steps we bent
To meet old K and J

Oh, why, why, Mr Porcupine guy
You killed daddy evil baddy
And for that you will die
I'll thwart your plans
And leave you hung out to dry
Sayin'
This'll be the day that you die
This'll be the day that you die

Did you know that elven ranger
Willingly heads into danger
To avenge his wife, he'd say

But foolishly, well, I fell in love
With his wife still in that plane above
Or at least that's what I thought that day

Well, I know that I'm a spawn of Bhaal
And that I can hear my father's call
But he's still dead, it's true
As Sarevok, he knew
He thought that he could take Bhaal's place
And so then began a deadly race
At last we end the chase
Far under Baldur's Gate

I started singin'
Oh, why, why, Mr Porcupine guy
You killed daddy evil baddy
And for that you will die
I'll thwart your plans
And leave you hung out to dry
Sayin'
This'll be the day that you die
This'll be the day that you die

Now we're heroes of the whole Sword Coast
And Ajantis thinks that that matters most
But peace for us was not to be
Got a letter from Candlekeep
From Ulraunt, that perverted creep
Sayin' get back ASAP

It led into a trap of course
Irenicus, he used some force
And locked us 'neath a city
Ohh, wasn't that a pity
He thought I had some hidden power
He tortured me most every hour
And just when things were going sour
The pink-hair rescued me

We were singin'
Oh why, why Mr leather-freak guy
Blood is spurting, really hurting
And you made Immy cry
You killed my friends
Like you were swatting a fly
So-o
This'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

We caught a ride out to Spellhold
After earning twenty grand of gold
Quite frankly I'd rather not have paid
My sis and I had souls removed
I have to say, I disapproved
Least my Slayer change scared Bodhi 'way
In the end some dark elves died
And to us for help those elves they cried
We killed that evil vampire
For the Lanthorn they'd require
We found their city and, long story short
Killed the mage and his plot did thwart
But then we left the elven court
Which brings us to today

And now I'm singin'
Oh, my, my, it's just always me why
Always tested never rested
Makes me want to cry
And I still hope
A happy ending is nigh
Because
I don't want to think otherwise
I don't want to think otherwise

(come on, join in!) And we're singin'
Oh, my, my, it's just always me why
Always tested never rested
Makes me want to cry
And I still hope
A happy ending is nigh
Because I don't want to think otherwise




I was rather surprised by the result. I started out writing this as a joke, with the intention of keeping it light-hearted and goofy all the way through. It didn't exactly turn out that way, but I think it's because I put Deirdre through a lot of misery in-game.

[Ipsissimus]

First, traditional songs. Then ballads. Now...show tunes! This is that horrible song from Mulan. It's being sung by the evil version of my bard character Deirdre (who never sorted out the Nether Scroll issue) some time during TOB.



Let's get down to business
To defeat the Five
Heed my every order
And you might survive
You're the saddest bunch
I ever met
But you can bet
Before we're through
Mal'ain *, I'll find the strength
within you

Calm and calculating
Cold as ice within
Willing to take orders
But prepared to win
You're a spineless, pale
Pathetic lot
And you haven't got a clue
Somehow I'll get the strength
Out of you

Viconia: Darthiir, I can't use
This sword
Korgan: My plate armor, won't
be fittin'
Sarevok: Sister, you're a fool
and you can't win
Korgan: Har! She's got 'em
Scared to death
Edwina: I think that she can see
Right through me
(And I think that I now feel
some slight chagrin)

(you are weak)
You must be strong as
a fire giant
(you are fools)
With all the force
of a full-grown dragon
(you will have)
All the strength of a
Raging fire
The mystery of
The dark side of the moon

Fate is racing toward us
till we face the Five
Heed my every order
And you'll stay alive
You're unsuited for
a Bhaalspawn's wrath
So pack up, go home,
We're through
Because there is no strength
Within you

(to be strong)
You must be swift as
Istishia's waters
(to succeed)
With all the force of
Akadi's anger
(you will need)
The awesome strength
of Grumbar's fury
Destructive as
Kossuth's avatar
(you will be)
Companions of Bhaal's
Surviving daughter
(you will have)
Favor of the
goddess of Murder
(I'll ascend)
Melissan's just
A weak imposter
Bhaal's Throne of Blood
Will belong to me


* Mal'ain means "idiots"

[Ipsissimus]

And surprisingly, a more serious song. I really just hijacked the tune, rather than parodying it. Original song and lyrics. And if this actually is funny, something went badly wrong. I suppose that the "sweetness and light" version of my bard character would be singing this (as the evil version would be looking at Saradush and laughing).


Farewell, the spires tall and strong
Farewell, farewell to thee
For Saradush cannot last long
Besieged by this army

Chorus: I see a feeding ground for crows
Which fills the taint with glee
But now I sing in mourning for
Those dead because of me

O what is death but ending breath
In bed or bloody plain
I curse the name yet all the same
I kill and wound and maim

I see a feeding ground for crows
Which fills the taint with glee
But now I sing in mourning for
Those dead because of me

And if we'd moved with greater speed
Through that temple cursed
We might've stopped this brutal deed
And spared this town the worst

I see a feeding ground for crows
Which fills the taint with glee
But now I sing in mourning for
Those dead because of me

Yet too, we might have all been slain
By one among the Five
Perhaps 'tis through mere slothfulness
That we are still alive

I see a feeding ground for crows
Which fills the taint with glee
But now I sing in mourning for
Those dead because of me

I fear that I shall never know
And this, it haunts me still
That if we hadn't been so slow
The town, it might stand still

[Ipsissimus]

Another one! This time, I used the song "The Gallant Forty."
Don't you just love Chinchilla?


You can talk about your drow elves and your fire giants too
Halflings, half-elves, half-orcs and chromatic dragons blue
Or any of Bhaal's progeny, be they great or small
But in my opinion the Chinchilla wins it all.

Chorus: Strolling o'er Faerun on a summer's day
Watching all the Tethyr girls working at the hay
I really was delighted and I thought that it was grand
When in the Marching Mountains I met Chinchilla's band.

Oh, I never will forget the day I saw the creature change
I'd thought he was a bunny cute until I saw the fangs
We struck the beast and then arose a monster worse instead
A greater werewolf Bhaalspawn desiring my head.

Strolling o'er Faerun on a summer's day
Watching all the Tethyr girls working at the hay
I really was delighted and I thought that it was grand
When in the Marching Mountains I met Chinchilla's band.

'Twas fortunate that my allies were nearby to strike it dead
Although before the final stroke Chinchilla's group had fled
We'd wasted spells and potions in a long and pointless fight
And the kobold, xvart, and rabbit, they had nearly won that night.

Strolling o'er Faerun on a summer's day
Watching all the Tethyr girls working at the hay
I really was delighted and I thought that it was grand
When in the Marching Mountains I met Chinchilla's band.

[Ipsissimus]

Well, would you LOOK AT THAT? It's not Baldur's Gate! I just LOVE Roger Zelazny's Amber universe...come to think of it, a Bhaalspawn would probably feel quite at home there. Original tune is The Gallant Forty again, and here, the "1" is the tune of the main verse, while "2" uses the tune for the choruses.

1: You can talk about King Eric or the Queen of Rebma Moire
Fiona Bleys or Random or Amber's Unicorn
Does any other family each other oft betray
As Oberon's descendants who in Amber hold their sway

2: Strolling through the Shadows on a summer day
Watching all the Amberites plotting for their way
Oh Corwin was disgusted and he thought his brother won
When Prince Eric the Usurper stole the throne from Oberon.

1: Those Amberites love plotting but Chaosians do as well
They sought to aid the madman Brand and help him cast his spell
But then came those of Amber to thwart the man's attack
For the rest of them had power that they they didn't want to lack

2: Strolling through the Shadows on a summer day
Watching crazy Amberites murdering away
The knifings going on there can make Amber quite a sight
So long as you don't kill them then say sorry it's all right

[Ipsissimus]

Another Gallant Forty parody...this time, devoted to Monty and Xzar, quite possibly my favorite BG1 NPC pair. Now I want a dragon with rabbit feet.

Ye can talk about green kobolds and those xvarts with skin of blue
Demiliches fearsome and the shambling zombies too
Or any other dungeon-beast adventurers like to beat
But give to me the dragons with the furry rabbits' feet

Chorus: Strollin' o'er the Sword Coast on a Mirtul's day
Watching little Bhaalspawn girls from we two run away
I really was delighted when they made a great big fuss
When you offered them a zombie to come down south with us.

I never will forget the day that time in Zhentil Keep
You were made my field partner and I thought that I would weep
Until I knew that you were scared of cute and fuzzy things
And with my new amusement I felt like I'd grown wings

Strollin' o'er the Sword Coast on a Mirtul's day
Watching little Bhaalspawn girls from we two run away
I really was delighted when they made a great big fuss
When you offered them a zombie to come down south with us.

[Ipsissimus]

Aaand one last post tonight. Tune is "The Twelve Days of Christmas," and I would like to point out how much I hate Melissan.

On the 12th round of fighting, the Bhaalspawn gave to me
12 Magic Missiles
11 Greater Whirlwinds
10 Quivering Palms
9 conjured spiders
8 falling cows
7 summoned Devas
6 useless Timestops
5 Vorpal hits
4 lightning bolts
3 comets
2 Dragon's breaths
And an Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting Spell

[Ipsissimus]

This is actually my very firstest parody song, written for an English class six months ago. I ended up singing it in class (all 7 verses ), and I'm still rather happy with the result. It's to the tune of Rosin the Bow. After writing this (verses 4 and five in particular) I realized what a...disturbed...place my mind is.
A probably unnecessary warning: verses 4 and 5 contain explicit descriptions of the symptoms of the Black Death, and may not be for the faint of heart.



From Shanghai and Venice did merchants
Bring goods and ideas to sell
Like silk, tea, and spices or science
And flea-bearing rodents as well

And flea-bearing rodents as well
And flea-bearing rodents as well
Like silk, tea, and spices or science
And flea-bearing rodents as well


The fleas the rats carried were hungry
On the ship they'd been long starved for food
And so the fleas left to feed and
To transfer some infected blood

To transfer some infected blood
To transfer some infected blood
And so the fleas left to feed and
To transfer some infected blood


The cold-blooded fleas only carried
This disease with symptoms galore
They never succumbed to infection
But passed it to more and more

But passed it to more and more
But passed it to more and more
They never succumbed to infection
But passed it to more and more


The skin became covered in buboes
The intestines began to decay
Yet Ebola and pneumonia-like symptoms
Sometimes would kill in a day

Sometimes would kill in a day
Sometimes would kill in a day
Yet Ebola and pneumonia-like symptoms
Sometimes would kill in a day


Fluid-filled lungs and bleeding
From vital arteries that burst
Were the final two symptoms that gave plague
Reputation as one of the worst

Reputation as one of the worst
Reputation as one of the worst
Were the final two symptoms that gave plague
Reputation as one of the worst


This happened in 1300
And in Europe a third to half died
300 years later in London
It came again near the Great Fire

It came again near the Great Fire
It came again near the Great Fire
300 years later in London
It came again near the Great Fire


It's now been discovered that squirrels
May carry this dreadful disease
Carrier rates are abnormally high now
As is the occurrence of fleas

As is the occurrence of fleas
As is the occurrence of fleas
Carrier rates are abnormally high now
As is the occurrence of fleas

[Ipsissimus]

Warning: WILL destroy your sacred image of The Lion King (so I hope you didn't have one). Original song

Sarevok: I'll be the lord of Murder soon
So everyone beware

Winski: I've never seen a lord of Death
With quite so little hair

Sarevok: I'm gonna be the main event
Like no god was before
I'm brushing up on looking down
I'm working on my roar

Winski: *sarcastic* Oh, I'm sure you'll make a lot of friends
Sarevok: Oh I just can't wait to ascend!

Bhaal: No one saying do this
No one saying be there
No one saying stop that
No one saying see here
Winski: Now see here!
Sarevok: Free to run around all day
Free to do it all my way

Winski: I think it's time that you and I
Arranged a heart to heart

Sarevok: Gods don't need advice
From puny wizards for a start

Winski: If this is where the pantheon is headed
Count me out
Out of service, out of Toril
I wouldn't hang about
This Spawn is getting wildly out of hand

Sarevok: Oh I just can't wait to ascend

Everybody look left
Everybody look right
Everywhere you look I'm
Standing in the spotlight

Winski: *sarcastic* Let every human go for broke and sing
Let's hear it through the Gate, all echoing
It's going to be our new god's finest thing

Sarevok: I just can't wait to ascend!
I just can't wait to ascend!
I just can't wait to ascend!

[Ipsissimus]

"The Saga Begins" used for the tune again. A little song--all right, a ballad--in honor of everyone's favorite gloomy enchanter.



A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How emotions used to be
I thought I'd only be a mage
Defend my city for an age
But that was before this tragedy
Before I set my fate in stone
When my life still was my own
Before I claimed the Moonblade
Of my fate I grew afraid
'Twas when my cousin left this plane
In Icewind Dale he met his fate
I pray that he found Arvanaith
And so begins my tale

My, my, this here moonfighter guy
Thinks he's cursed and fears the worst
And to smile he won't try
He's so depressed
And I keep wondering why
He says
There's no point, we're all going to die
There's no point, we're all going to die

And Erevain, when he did die
Was named the hero of the Dragon's Eye
But he's gone anyway
Kelemvor wasn't finished, though
There's still more, as you ought to know
My father fell next, poisoned one cruel day

'Twas he who held the Moonblade last
At his departure I was aghast
For Arvandor he was not bound
He is doomed to hang around
Because he could not be healed
His spirit's held in the blade he did wield
Yet he knew his fate was sealed
When first he touched the sword

And <CHARNAME>'s singing
My, my, this here moonfighter guy
Thinks he's cursed and fears the worst
And to smile he won't try
He's so depressed
And I keep wondering why
He says
There's no point, we're all going to die
There's no point, we're all going to die

And somehow, that wasn't all in store
Shar and Loviatar wanted more
Apparently I'd have to pay
Not long after my father died
My mother life could not abide
Wasn't long 'till she wasted away
For Arvandor she had departed
I'd guess that she's brokenhearted
Alone for centuries
Alone indefinitely
Because my father remains trapped until
The blade's extinguished by Corellon's will
Some role it would have to fulfill
Its power to be lost

And <CHARNAME>'s singing
My, my, this here moonfighter guy
Thinks he's cursed and fears the worst
And to smile he won't try
He's so depressed
I keep wondering why
He says
There's no point, we're all going to die
There's no point, we're all going to die

Another wielder was required
Since the blade's last had expired
What did I have left to lose?
Then I stepped forth to see
If the blade would be held by me
Or if I'd die, and another it would choose
I felt a frightening emotion
I think that it sensed my devotion
To defend my city
In hindsight that's a pity
I'd give my life for kith and kin
But when I die I'm trapped within
My blade, and so I cannot win
And now I know I'm doomed

And <CHARNAME>'s singing
My, my, this here moonfighter guy
Thinks he's cursed and fears the worst
And to smile he won't try
He's so depressed
And I keep wondering why
He says
There's no point, we're all going to die
There's no point, we're all going to die

And <CHARNAME>'s singing
My, my, this here moonfighter guy
Thinks he's cursed and fears the worst
And to smile he won't try
He's so depressed
And I keep wondering why
He says there's no point, we're all going to die

[Ipsissimus]

Too. Much. Green Day. I've had "Castaway" stuck in my head for about six hours now. No one does obnoxious pop songs quite like Green Day. Lesson #1: never parody Green Day. Lesson #2: never repeatedly listen to target song. Anyway, here's "Exile," dedicated to Irenicus.

I'm on a sentimental journey
Into sight and sound
A journey from Asylum that brings me homeward bound
A straightforward prequel to the
War that I have planned
And I'm going to the city and I'll
Never stay my hand

I'm on a mission
To Suldenessellar
An expedition
Ellesime had best beware
Where I'm an...

Exile – going at it alone
Exile – now I'm on my own
Exile – going at it alone
Exile – now I'm on my own
Lost and found, homeward bound
Exile

I'm dealing with Tel'Gothrim and
Using stolen spells
Testing my control out of the Asylum
Spontaneous emotion in the
Corners of my mind
And I'm going to the city and I'll
Never stay my hand

I'm on a mission
To Suldenessellar
An expedition
Ellesime had best beware
Where I'm an...

Exile – going at it alone
Exile – now I'm on my own
Exile – going at it alone
Exile – now I'm on my own
Lost and found, homeward bound
Exile

Edited by Ipsissimus, 08 January 2010 - 12:31 AM.

[Ipsissimus]

Well, I'd imagine that LN or LG Anomen wouldn't be too happy with an evil spawn in charge. You know what? I don't like <CHARNAME> either. Original song "I Hate My Band" by the Real McKenzies.


I hate <CHARNAME> that cursed spawn of Bhaal
She's bloodthirsty, violent, she made me her thrall
And when I look back at what she's done to me
To turn from my god, she made me agree

I hate <CHARNAME> more than I can tell
She dragged us through Drow and into the Hells
Ignoring the innocents that stood in her path
Friend and foe alike, destroyed with Bhaal's wrath

But don't get me wrong, perhaps she meant well
Perhaps it was Bhaal, controlled her in the Hells
I'm telling this story, so that you will know
That I'm feeling guilty, and I'm eating crow

I hate <CHARNAME> she makes me go slay
And maim all these monsters 'till the end of the day
When daytime is over, the killing's all done
Except for those beasts which abhor the sun

But don't get me wrong, perhaps she meant well
Perhaps it was Bhaal, perhaps that's why she Fell
I'm telling this story, so that you will know
That I'm feeling guilty, and I'm eating crow

I hate <CHARNAME> for now and for good
I hate <CHARNAME> like any Helmite should
When my time has come and I'm called to Helm
I'll finally be safe from that rogue wielding Belm
So do me a favor when I'm fed to the flame
Inscribe on a placard that I hate <CHARNAME>

[Ipsissimus]

Another Saradush song, written for Attic Quiz #214: Firelight. Hey, it just had to have fire in it, the quiz topic didn't say what sort. Original song "Los Angeles is Burning" by Bad Religion.


Somewhere high in Tethyr near a curtain of blue 
Aerdrie Faenya's billowin' 
But down here in the city of spires 
The flames still burn, they're hardly witherin' 
And you can't deny adventuring's easy 
If you never look behind the scenery 
It's showtime for dry climes 
Tethyr is dreaming of peace 

And the towers of Saradush are burning 
Pine trees are candles in the murder wind 
So many lives are on the breeze 
Even the gods are ill at ease 
And Saradush is burning 

This is not a test 
Of the emergency contact system 
When catapult fires and defensive towers 
Conspire to dance again 
Then I cannot believe the carnage it creates 
They're only trying to kill Bhaalspawn 
See it here, see all the dust 
The whole city's going insane 

And the towers of Saradush are burning 
Pine trees are candles in the murder wind 
So many lives are on the breeze 
Even the gods are ill at ease 
And Saradush is burning 

A prophet screams ?the end of days? 
Flags and pennants are still waving in the haze 

More a question than a curse 
Could the Bhaalspawn still act worse 
The flames are stunning 
Survivors running 
So take warning 

And the towers of Saradush are burning 
Pine trees are candles in the murder wind 
So many lives are on the breeze 
Even the gods are ill at ease 
And Saradush is burning

[Ipsissimus]

I think this was the first BG parody song I did. Original song "Maid of Fife."

There once was a troop, of Amnish dragoons,
A-marchin' down through Nashkel-o,
And the captain fell in love with a very bonny lass,
And the maid she was called pretty CHARNAME-o

There's many a bonny maid, in the city of Baldur's Gate
There's many a bonny demon in the Nine Hells-o
There's many a bonny Nell in Athkatla grand as well
But the flower of them all is in Nashkel-o

?Come down the stairs pretty CHARNAME my dear,
Come down the stairs pretty CHARNAME-o
Come down the stairs, comb back your silken hair
Bid a fond farewell to your daddy-o?

?I never did intend an adventurer for to be,
I never will marry a soldier-o
I never did intend to roam this dismal dang'rous land
And I never will marry a soldier-o?

The colonel he cried ?mount, mount boys mount?
The captain he cried ?tarry-o?
?O tarry for awhile, for another day or twa

Till I see if this bonny lass will marry-o?

Well long ere we reached the city of Baldur's Gate
The captain we had to carry-o
And long ere we reached the streets of Athkatla
The captain we had to bury-o

Green grows the grass in Amnish countryside
And low lie the lowlands of Nashkel-o
The dwarf his name was Neb and he died for a maid
He died for CHARNAME sweet of Nashkel-o

There's many a bonny maid, in the city of Baldur's Gate
There's many a bonny demon in the Nine Hells-o
There's many a bonny Nell in Athkatla grand as well
But the flower of them all is in Nashkel-o

[Ipsissimus]

Written for Attic Quiz 215: In the Beginning. I don't even particularly like Anomen, although I reserve my hate for (some) mod NPCs.
The first section is Green Day's "Pulling Teeth." The second is the traditional "Roddy McCorley," and the last is "I Hate My Band" by the Real McKenzies. An...odd...mix of music.

Moirala:
I'm all bruised and sore
Looks like I've been in a war
It wasn't accidental
But I can't blame Lord Cor

He comes to check on me
Wonders why I try to flee
After all he's the one
Who put me in this state

Is he alcoholic?
Is this just a whim?
I had better say that I love him
Ensure he doesn't start this all over again
Dear gods, he's killing me

--------------------------------
Narrator
O see the group of nobles grim, who walk with faces drawn
Of D'Arnise or of Tanislove, the nobles all of Amn
Some come with sadness in their eyes, and some in garb of gray
For the Lady Delryn's funeral is scheduled for today

There's never a noble in all of Amn, who less deserved to die
Than she who's buried this sad day, after we say goodbye
True to the last, true to the last, she treads the upwards way
And Moirala Delryn's funeral is scheduled for today

---------------------------------
Anomen:
I hate my dad, lord Cor Delryn
He's too often left me with fear and chagrin
And when I look back at what he's done to my life
He's killed all my dreams, his wealth, and his wife

I hate my dad more than I can say
He ridicules me each time that I pray
When I joined the Order he called me a monk
He spends all our gold so he can get drunk

Although I recall, he wasn't this bad
Not always the case that he'd get drunk and mad
I'm singing the story, so that you will know
Why I hope my father will rot down below

I hate my dad, he's always the same
He thinks I treat life as though it's a game
He'd rather I'd learn to sell and to trade
Instead of returning from some long crusade

Although I recall, he wasn't this bad
Not always the case that he'd get drunk and mad
I'm singing the story, so that you will know
Why I hope my father will rot down below

I hate my dad for all and for one
I'm sure that he feels the same for his son
And when I'm a knight in the Radiant Heart
Then from this household I will depart
So do me a favor when I leave this estate
And always remind me it's my dad that I hate

[Ipsissimus]

Apologies to the Dropkick Murphys. The original song is "The Warrior's Code." I imagined this being sung by Tarnesh or Nimbul.

You're the victim you've got the bounty
The foster child of Gorion, of Candlekeep
You're fighting for your life because you've got nothing to lose
You've been winning but not for long
Because I'm here to snuff your lights
Yeah!

You were born to die, and I'll fulfill that prophecy
Maybe when I kill you I will hang your head somewhere
Above the fireplace in my home
They'll tell the story of a master
Tarnesh the assassin
They'll salute my glory

It's another murderous night
A soul sent into the Hells
A little fight in the nighttime
And the mage from Nashkel rises to the bell

CHARNAME
It's an assassin's code
CHARNAME
They've got the assassin's price

CHARNAME
It's an assassin's code
CHARNAME
They've got the assassin's price

[Ipsissimus]

Based on "Minority" by Green Day--and the original comes with a LANGUAGE WARNING. I always imagined Bhaal coaching the Spawn from an early age, Sarevok in particular.



Bhaal: You're going to be the authority
Part of the godly minority
Over the mortal majority
I'll make this your first priority.

So pledge yourself unto your father dear
Just accept my power
You'll ascend within the year
The last surviving Spawn
As events will show
Without a doubt
You'll win this war
The only way you know

Bhaal: You're going to be the authority
Part of the godly minority
Down with the mortal majority
For you're going to be the authority

Sarry, toe that line
Listen to my words
You will fall in time
Think you're in control
But I am you know

Bhaal and Sarevok: One soul, one mind
Together in the dark
Bhaal: *quietly* Deafened by the crying of Tamoko's broken heart
?Don't know what you've become? she'll say unto thee
*louder* A killing spree
You and me
Kill your foes with my might

Sarevok: I want to be the authority
Part of the godly minority
Down with the mortal majority
For I'm going to be the authority

[Ipsissimus]

An ode to Athkatla's bustling sewers. Original song "Blue Heaven" by the Pogues.



Kobolds yap 'round your ankles
Mindflayers go for the brain
If I ever get out of these sewers I
Won't come back down the drain
This must be the place and still
It somehow isn't right
That filthy tunnels underground
Could change boredom
To endless fights

I'm walking through the Coronet
Slip through a door in back
Find myself deep underground
And note that light I lack
See the otyugh, see the mold
See the slimes that ooze toward me
Pinch my nose and draw my sword
And fight these nasties one on three

Down in the sewers
There's carrion crawlers too
Murky green water
That prob'ly should be blue
Goblins and prophets
And swords that can talk
Down in the sewers
Beneath Athkatla where I walk

Monsters hide in the darkness
The kobolds draw their bows
Shooting at intruders in
What is their realm, they know
Slimes and molds and oozes
Oh gods, they're everywhere
I pray that I may walk about
Without them getting in my hair

Down in the sewers
There's carrion crawlers too
Murky green water
That prob'ly should be blue
Gross hands and wet sand
Hobgoblins galore
Down in the sewers
What dungeon crawler could want more?

Down in the sewers
There's carrion crawlers too
Murky green water
That prob'ly should be blue
Quallo's talking
Blood, hand, staff, and ring
Found in the sewers
A talking sword
That likes to swing

Edited by Ipsissimus, 17 January 2010 - 01:05 PM.

[Ipsissimus]

Just finished the Eldreth Veluuthra encounter in Kulyok's Xan mod (and nearly lost very badly), so I felt inspired to write this. Based on the Irish traditional song "The Patriot Game."


Come Eldreth Veluuthra, and list while I sing
For to be o'er zealous is a terrible thing
It banishes sense with the speed of a flame
And it makes us a part of the Tel'Quessir game

My name is Verella, three cent'ries I've faced
My home was in Tethyr, 'twas where we've been based
I've learnt all my life N'Tel'Quess to blame
So now I am part of the Tel'Quessir game

These homelands of ours have for long been half-free
Our forests lie under human tyranny
But still our own kinsmen are greatly to blame
For shirking their part in the Tel'Quessir game

They'd told me how oft times we're hunted for sport
Since the mistake at the Tethyrian court
Errilam's son's lived, and 'twas us they would shame
That soon made me part of the Tel'Quessir game

It's two hundred years since I wandered alone
Since I was cast out from my family's home
I knew of the zealots and I wanted the same
So I claimed my own part in the Tel'Quessir game

And now as I lie here, bound for Arvandor
I think of those traitors, my kinsmen no more
Moonfighter and Bhaalspawn, they're bound for fame
While I die for my part in the Tel'Quessir game