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[DONE] [Proofreading] A kit description in English and German


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#1 Ulb

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:05 AM

Hey there, I would be very grateful if some of you could proofread my kit description as well as a few other lines for my Bear Walker kit.

 

If there is another German native speaker around (especially one that happens to own a German version of BG2) it would be great if he/she could take a look at the German version as well. (As I don't own a German copy of BG2 anymore, I bet a lot of my translations don't fit with the vanilla text.)

 

Thanks in advance :)

 

PS: Please feel free to also comment on the whole descripton. If you feel that something sounds strange or outright stupid, be sure to mention it. :D

 

English version:

Spoiler

 

German version:

Spoiler

 

*Edit*

-Updated the German version with Gast's corrections.

-Updated the English version with Eric P.'s corrections.

-Another little change to the English version.

-Added another line to the German version (about spell casting failure).


Edited by Ulb, 25 March 2013 - 11:15 PM.


#2 -Gast-

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 05:31 AM

Ich gratuliere!

@2 = ~BÄREN WANDERER: Eine tiefe Liebe zur Natur, die inbrünstige Verteidigung ihres Waldes und der Unschuldigen, die darin leben, oder auch die grimmige Entschlossenheit ihre Feinde - alte und neue gleichermaßen - zu vernichten, zeichnet sie aus. (...) und es im Nahkampf vorziehen ihre  Werbären-Gestalt anzunehmen, (...) - TP + 15%/ STR +1 (...) - TP + 30% (...) - TP + 60%~ TP-> Trefferpunkte = Leben. Dies entspricht eher meinem Geschmack und kann vollkommen ignoriert werden. Für Werbär-Form -> Werbärenform oder Werbären-Form; 30% Chance -> 30%ige Chance. Für den Kit-Namen fielen mir, abhängig natürlich von der Region in Fearûn, wo die Leute leben, noch: Bärenseele, Bärenherz, Bärengänger oder Bärentatze ein. P.S. Der Schaden sollte in die Kategorien Stich, Wucht oder Klinge fallen. So sind die aktuellen Konventionen.



#3 Ulb

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 06:08 AM

Danke dir. :)

 

Ich habe die meisten deiner Vorschläge schon in den obigen Post hinein editiert. Bärengänger gefällt mir wirklich gut, klingt sehr nach alten Sagen (in Richtung 'Wiedergänger' usw..).

Einzig bei den Trefferpunkten bin ich unentschlossen, ich denke/hoffe mit Leben btw Lebenspunkten kann jeder gut leben. :D

 

Zum Schluss noch ein kleiner Verbesserungsvorschlag: Mit ein paar Absätzen wäre es vermutlich leichter deine Postings zu lesen. :P
 



#4 -Gast-

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 06:52 AM

Jupp!

 

     Dein Verbesserungsvorschlag ist richtig, nur bin ich Forumssoftware gewohnt, die 'überflüssige' Leerzeichen einfach einkassiert.

 

     Leben bzw. Lebenspunkte verstehen natürlich alle. Mir ging es nur darum, die Bemühungen der deutschsprachigen Gemeinde, verzeih mir den Ausdruck, widerzuspiegeln, die eine einheitliche Übersetzung der Begrifflichkeiten anstrebt.

 

     Der erste Satz in @2 ist prima von Dir umgeschrieben worden, doch gebe ich noch eine Stilfrage zu bedenken: bei zwei mal 'welche' könnte eins in 'die' umgeschrieben werden. - Deine Entscheidung.

 

     Was natürlich nicht fehlen darf: Einen habe ich noch: Die Level3 Geschichten gefallen mir in deiner englischen Version besser -> Level 3.



#5 Eric P.

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 07:22 AM

I would replace the Bear Walker descriptive text with:

 

@2 = ~BEAR WALKER: A deep love for nature, a fierce devotion to the protection of their forest and the innocents who live there, or a grim intent to seek out and destroy their enemies...old and new ones alike. These are only a few of the principles commonly shared by rangers and werebears. Therefore, it is not much of a surprise to hear that there are quite a few werebears who have chosen the path of a ranger.
Such a ranger is commonly referred to as a BEAR WALKER.
A Bear Walker not only trains his skills as a ranger, but also develops and trains his ability to shapeshift into werebear form.

Since Bear Walkers focus a lot of effort into further improving their shapeshifting abilities, and usually prefer to turn into their hybrid forms if engaged in melee combat, they are less proficient with weapons and armor than other rangers.


Working and playing on a Mac Pro 6,1 running Mac OS X 10.13.6 High Sierra, and a Mac Pro 3,1 running Mac OS X 10.11.6 El Capitan.

~Buion na 'ell! I serve with joy! Your eyes and ears I shall be. Let us hunt together!~
- Erysseril Gwaethorien: a joinable, romanceable NPC mod for BGII - SoA/ToB, in sporadic development.

A female elf warrior of nature and a Bhaalspawn cross paths during their quests, joining forces to share adventure and companionship. Will they find more?


#6 Eric P.

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 07:25 AM

Shouldn't the claw damage bonuses for levels 3, 6, and 12 be equal to their enchantment value?


Working and playing on a Mac Pro 6,1 running Mac OS X 10.13.6 High Sierra, and a Mac Pro 3,1 running Mac OS X 10.11.6 El Capitan.

~Buion na 'ell! I serve with joy! Your eyes and ears I shall be. Let us hunt together!~
- Erysseril Gwaethorien: a joinable, romanceable NPC mod for BGII - SoA/ToB, in sporadic development.

A female elf warrior of nature and a Bhaalspawn cross paths during their quests, joining forces to share adventure and companionship. Will they find more?


#7 Ulb

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 08:05 AM

Thanks for your feedback guys! :)

 

@Gast

 

Wenn Trefferpunkte / TP die „Norm“ für deutsche BG2 Mods sind, dann werde ich das auch so halten. Ich habe da nur etwas gezögert, weil ich persönlich wahrscheinlich erst mal kräftig überlegen müsste was denn jetzt bitte mit „TP“ gemeint ist, wenn ich das ohne großartigen Kontext irgendwo sehen würde. :P

 

Deine anderen Anmerkungen hören sich auch sehr vernünftig an. Ich werde das ganze gleich editieren.

 

@ Eric

 

Thanks for your advice. I didn't go for the dots (enemies...old and new ones alike.) but I'll edit in most of the other corrections you've made. :)

 

As for the enchantment and damage bonus values, those do not necessarily need to correlate (neither story nor engine wise).

The enchantment bonus defines which immunities or resistances a weapon or attack can overcome.

 

As a rule of thumb, for most creatures their attacks are considered to be of equal enchantment level as the one that is needed to overcome their immunity or resistance. (E.g the claws of a magical beast, that is immune to normal and +1 weapons, would be considered to be of +2 enchantment.)



#8 Ulb

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 11:16 PM

I guess the text is good enough for a release version.

 

Again, thank you for your input. :)



#9 Eric P.

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Posted 27 March 2013 - 07:11 AM

Thanks for your feedback guys! :)

 

@Gast

 

Wenn Trefferpunkte / TP die „Norm“ für deutsche BG2 Mods sind, dann werde ich das auch so halten. Ich habe da nur etwas gezögert, weil ich persönlich wahrscheinlich erst mal kräftig überlegen müsste was denn jetzt bitte mit „TP“ gemeint ist, wenn ich das ohne großartigen Kontext irgendwo sehen würde. :P

 

Deine anderen Anmerkungen hören sich auch sehr vernünftig an. Ich werde das ganze gleich editieren.

 

@ Eric

 

Thanks for your advice. I didn't go for the dots (enemies...old and new ones alike.) but I'll edit in most of the other corrections you've made. :)

 

As for the enchantment and damage bonus values, those do not necessarily need to correlate (neither story nor engine wise).

The enchantment bonus defines which immunities or resistances a weapon or attack can overcome.

 

As a rule of thumb, for most creatures their attacks are considered to be of equal enchantment level as the one that is needed to overcome their immunity or resistance. (E.g the claws of a magical beast, that is immune to normal and +1 weapons, would be considered to be of +2 enchantment.)

In that case, you might want to specify that in the description, that it's "+x for purposes of such-and-such", or users will wonder about it, as I did ;)


Working and playing on a Mac Pro 6,1 running Mac OS X 10.13.6 High Sierra, and a Mac Pro 3,1 running Mac OS X 10.11.6 El Capitan.

~Buion na 'ell! I serve with joy! Your eyes and ears I shall be. Let us hunt together!~
- Erysseril Gwaethorien: a joinable, romanceable NPC mod for BGII - SoA/ToB, in sporadic development.

A female elf warrior of nature and a Bhaalspawn cross paths during their quests, joining forces to share adventure and companionship. Will they find more?


#10 Ulb

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Posted 27 March 2013 - 07:59 AM

Maybe you are right. I'll either include it or at least mention it in the readme file.