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[NEW] [Proofreading] A kit description in English


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#1 Ulb

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Posted 16 April 2013 - 11:30 PM

Hey there,

 

another kit description, this time in English only, since I'm too lazy to translate it into German right now. :P

 

I would really appreciate it, if someone could take a quick look at it.

 

Besides grammar and spelling errors, please feel free to also comment on the description itself. :)

 

Many thanks in advance.

 

Spoiler

 

*Edit1*

 

Updated the description with Eric's improvements. :)

 

*Edit2*

 

... Shifting into werewolf form, between levels 1 and 12, will cause... changed to ... levels 1 to 11, will cause...

 

... Shifting into werewolf form, between levels 12 and 18, will cause... changed to ... levels 12 to 17, will cause...

 

Since on level 12 you are no longer affected by Blood Frenzy and neither will you go berserk, once you've reached level 18...


Edited by Ulb, 18 April 2013 - 09:16 PM.


#2 Eric P.

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Posted 17 April 2013 - 05:26 PM

Some edits...

 

"...against the evil that lurks..." <- no need for a comma between "evil" and "that".

 

The Blood Frenzy lasts for ten melee rounds? Wow!

 

"...the character gains +2 movement speed, as well as a 4-point AC penalty, and will try..." <- you might want to write it this way.

 

"While berserking, the character..." <- add a comma after "berserking".

 

Claw damage confuses me, as it doesn't agree with the enchantment value.

 

"...feeling of serenity, and becomes immune..." <- comma after "serenity".

 

"(Starting with 10%..." <- remove the words, as they're unnecessary.

 

"...carry on on its own, only being heard by the priest." <- consider changing to "...carry on by itself, being heard only by the priest."

 

"...when ever the priest..." <- change to "...whenever the priest...".

 

"...clear an calm..." <- change to "...clear and calm...".

 

I like the way it all reads, aside from the items I mentioned here :)


Working and playing on a Mac Pro 6,1 running Mac OS X 10.13.6 High Sierra, and a Mac Pro 3,1 running Mac OS X 10.11.6 El Capitan.

~Buion na 'ell! I serve with joy! Your eyes and ears I shall be. Let us hunt together!~
- Erysseril Gwaethorien: a joinable, romanceable NPC mod for BGII - SoA/ToB, in sporadic development.

A female elf warrior of nature and a Bhaalspawn cross paths during their quests, joining forces to share adventure and companionship. Will they find more?


#3 Ulb

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Posted 17 April 2013 - 05:41 PM

Thank you Eric. First posting has already been updated to reflect your improvements. :)

 

Claw damage confuses me, as it doesn't agree with the enchantment value.

 

Just to let you know, I added a FAQ-question (well, actually I only added the whole FAQ for that purpose..) to the Bear Walker's readme, to explain the claw damage 'issue'. :P

 

I'll do the same in the Silver Fur's readme...

 

*Edit*

 

About the one turn duration of Blood Frenzy and Berserk...

 

I actually never really checked whether my time values for a round and a turn are correct...

 

Doesn't one round last for 6 seconds? If that is correct, then yes, both conditions are supposed to last for one turn = one minute. :)


Edited by Ulb, 17 April 2013 - 05:46 PM.


#4 Eric P.

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Posted 18 April 2013 - 06:31 AM

Round and turn duration might be different in the game than in PnP. However long a melee round is, ten rounds equal one turn. If memory serves, some early editions of PnP stated that a single round was a whole minute!


Edited by Eric P., 18 April 2013 - 06:32 AM.

Working and playing on a Mac Pro 6,1 running Mac OS X 10.13.6 High Sierra, and a Mac Pro 3,1 running Mac OS X 10.11.6 El Capitan.

~Buion na 'ell! I serve with joy! Your eyes and ears I shall be. Let us hunt together!~
- Erysseril Gwaethorien: a joinable, romanceable NPC mod for BGII - SoA/ToB, in sporadic development.

A female elf warrior of nature and a Bhaalspawn cross paths during their quests, joining forces to share adventure and companionship. Will they find more?


#5 Ulb

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Posted 18 April 2013 - 08:45 PM

I'm not doubting what you said about the early PnP rules, but if a round was a whole minute (in game), then a character with 2 attacks per round would hit once, every 30 seconds.

So I kinda doubt it is that way (at least in game.) :D