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#1 WithinAmnesia

WithinAmnesia
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Posted 18 December 2017 - 06:19 PM

Moved from here to a more appropriate location

 

Ah man I got to really do another play-through of this and make another list of polish and to-does.

 

It has been a year or longer or so since I monkeyed around with the content herein. I really should finish up some of my works in progress related the Dark Side of the Sword Coast / Northern Tales of the Sword Coast. My memory forgets what I have worked on at times (like a squirrel who forgets where they buried their nuts :-P) and I am just going to have to dive in and see what else I can polish up.

 

I was in contact with Swit / Peter / K4thos for what feels like eons ago but I forget to the extent as where I was at or what I was doing; something about Non-Player Characters, New Items, New Areas and the Candlekeep Party; Osprey in particular keeps bouncing around in my head. Swit / Peter / K4thos liked what I was doing and there was something important about CúChoinneach and Polish people; either way I was granted permission to work on the project doing more of what I was doing but I cannot remember what I was planning 100%.

 

I think that I moved (again and again) in real life right around that time where I burnt out going crazy over.. 'something'? Unfortunately I cannot remember in full. Ah yeah there was something else about Isandir and cut content; Trent Oster and Mike Sass; although I talked to these people but I forget about what. Also there was something about 2020+ but I cannot remember everything though. There was a layer of chaos to this last part which I cannot place. Also there was something about Edmonton. Perhaps this is when Trent was gearing up for Neverwinter Nights: Enhanced Edition; I cannot know for a 100% certainty.

 

I was really up there with a million and one things on the go and it all of a sudden exploded in my face and then I was ushered away to where I was then working in great vigour upon my 3D tank game and of my AGABAL medieval fantasy world for a year or two then after. My recollection feels as if the whole memory of this time period is just a big shotgun blast of details all a-strewn upon a weltschmerz canvas. Similar to capsizing a box of jig-saw puzzle pieces asunder onto a tabletop to splash and flow across and cascade over the edge of table's circumference and onto the floor beneath..

 

I get this with so many projects, this 'amnesia' after a colossal burnout that it is almost like a restart or what ever until more or less ~a week or two later I regain parts of my memory trampled underfoot. A good thing about digital work is that it stays in one place and can er, 'remember' even one does not. Ah again so much to do and yet still so little time, and passionate people!

 

It feels odd working here, with Baldur's Gate. Like I missed a train or a bus years ago and I am still waiting for it arrive to take myself to where I dream yet I stand in a ghost town compared to else projects that I have worked on. World of Warcraft was a metropolis; World of Tanks was a council of united nations and a lot of translation via uncle google. Yet here, I have the most passion therein but it is all strangers and weird people who go bump in the night and a small handful of world weary people with a lot of talent. It all makes myself think if I am just staring into my future self working with these resurrected wonderous relics of whom work weary and tired of the world and with weight of their own ambition yoked upon their strife in life. With this passion and years of ambition induced insomnia; squeezing time from nothing; blood from a stone am I to be the Hercules to free Prometheus? Or am I cursed by my own will and unyielding drive in life to become Prometheus awaiting Hercules; stumbling, crawling, failing over and over racing towards a dream yet ultimately waiting for superman?

 

Perhaps it was my childhood in the formative years that gripped myself so or perhaps it was many things strum that were previously untouched yet when I say to people that I work on Baldur's Gate I get a great deal of 'what game?', 'huh?', 'oh you mean that shitty SJW game?' and a few 'ah yeah that game, its been ages'.  It troubles myself that there are so few creative people here and yet the world is so beautiful and grand; perhaps I just have rose tinted glasses and a limited perspective of life, blind to my own bias. Perhaps like reading books en mass, learning to actually sing and playing The Bard's Tale and King's Quest, playing these cerebral games too is fading away into obscurity.

 

It is just strange that everywhere I go I work with people who are almost or who are 'getting on' 40 or are 40+ and quite a lot of people who are retired. I work with tanks you see, old history type of things and I see all of these old photographs of people who came and went and I look at Baldur's Gate and even some of Classic World of Warcraft servers and I wonder what it was like back then. 'What ifs' and 'what could have beens' and yet I am to myself mysteriously steadfast beholdened to this ambition to make 'new old history'; medieval fantasy and altered history. Also I play electric guitar for I love Classic Rock and Roll and that is the same story yet with a different tune; older people in life and lost memories of a golden age gone by. It really makes myself think what I am doing at times, looking behind to move forward, studying the golden past to make a brighter future, living in a past that I never knew.


Edited by Creepin, 22 December 2017 - 11:07 PM.