id say its fanfic heheyou should put it on fan fic heeh
fanfic is a general literal board so all types are welcome 
Comments on "Hopefully a Good Story"
Started by
-Notmrt-
, Jun 28 2004 02:09 AM
25 replies to this topic
#1
-Notmrt-
-Notmrt-
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- Guest
Posted 28 June 2004 - 02:09 AM
id say its fanfic heheyou should put it on fan fic heeh
fanfic is a general literal board so all types are welcome
#2
Dalis'ilhea
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- Member
- 737 posts
so, if I was to eat this I'd see the ghosts that haunted me?
Posted 28 June 2004 - 02:14 AM
Right now how do you move topics?
I apparently have a high level of empathy, combined with a low level of sympathy... weird
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
#3
-Notmrt-
-Notmrt-
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- Guest
Posted 28 June 2004 - 02:16 AM
um we wait for seifer lol
or you can copy paste and then edit your post to say moved to fan fic
lol
and a globabl mod can clear it up later
or you can copy paste and then edit your post to say moved to fan fic
lol
and a globabl mod can clear it up later
#4
Dalis'ilhea
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- 737 posts
so, if I was to eat this I'd see the ghosts that haunted me?
Posted 28 June 2004 - 02:23 AM
I think I'll wait I'm recovering from a few pints past night (I wouldn't even be doing this but I promised myself I would) GOD WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!
god replies
You were thinking "GREAT! I don't have to pay!"
god replies
You were thinking "GREAT! I don't have to pay!"
I apparently have a high level of empathy, combined with a low level of sympathy... weird
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
#5
-Notmrt-
-Notmrt-
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- Guest
Posted 28 June 2004 - 02:32 AM
hahah join the club *Me guzzles 2 litres of water"
#6
Dalis'ilhea
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- Member
- 737 posts
so, if I was to eat this I'd see the ghosts that haunted me?
Posted 28 June 2004 - 02:33 AM
I prefere to keep the hangover, it gives me an excuse to be in a bad mood 
I apparently have a high level of empathy, combined with a low level of sympathy... weird
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
#7
-Notmrt-
-Notmrt-
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- Guest
Posted 28 June 2004 - 02:38 AM
well why not get ridd of it then just be in a bad mood and say you still have it thus moaning without groaning
#8
Dalis'ilhea
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so, if I was to eat this I'd see the ghosts that haunted me?
Posted 28 June 2004 - 02:42 AM
Because I'm not a good actor
I apparently have a high level of empathy, combined with a low level of sympathy... weird
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
#9
-Notmrt-
-Notmrt-
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- Guest
Posted 28 June 2004 - 02:49 AM
:S hm thats a tricky one
how about keeping a pin in oyur pocket and everytime you need to fake hangover pain you jab yourself with it
how about keeping a pin in oyur pocket and everytime you need to fake hangover pain you jab yourself with it
#10
Dalis'ilhea
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- 737 posts
so, if I was to eat this I'd see the ghosts that haunted me?
Posted 28 June 2004 - 02:51 AM
Does it work?
Anyway tell me what you think of the first chapter
Anyway tell me what you think of the first chapter
I apparently have a high level of empathy, combined with a low level of sympathy... weird
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
#12
Dalis'ilhea
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- Member
- 737 posts
so, if I was to eat this I'd see the ghosts that haunted me?
Posted 28 June 2004 - 03:03 AM
No but I managed once to stick my hand in a bonfire and was instantly sober (I tripped and put my hand out to stop myself falling, the thing I grabed was in the fire at the time)
I apparently have a high level of empathy, combined with a low level of sympathy... weird
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
#13
-Notmrt-
-Notmrt-
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- Guest
Posted 28 June 2004 - 06:30 AM
°_° sounds fun , yeah adrenalin will sobre you up rather quickly
#14
Ziggy
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- 313 posts
Messiah for the animals.
Posted 28 June 2004 - 06:37 AM
As does putting your fingers down your throat until u fill the toilet with bile.
Power corupts, Absolute power corupts absolutly.
#16
Tancred
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- Member
- 209 posts
Hapless Paladin
Posted 28 June 2004 - 10:53 AM
Burned food's quite good. Toast and such. The charcoal neutralises the poison in your system.
Story good.
The only thing to watch, I've found, is long sections with nothing but conversation between two characters. It might help to break those up with stuff like 'she nodded silent agreement' or 'he went on, pausing a moment to take a breath.' You do that a little, but maybe a bit more would help make the verbal text easier to digest.
Aside from that, solid characterisation and a very clear lead into something bigger. Over to you.
Story good.
The only thing to watch, I've found, is long sections with nothing but conversation between two characters. It might help to break those up with stuff like 'she nodded silent agreement' or 'he went on, pausing a moment to take a breath.' You do that a little, but maybe a bit more would help make the verbal text easier to digest.Aside from that, solid characterisation and a very clear lead into something bigger. Over to you.
#17
-Notmrt-
-Notmrt-
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- Guest
Posted 28 June 2004 - 10:56 AM
hehe good work
---note to mod --- please split this after the second post into a comment thread--
---note to mod --- please split this after the second post into a comment thread--
#18
Dalis'ilhea
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- Member
- 737 posts
so, if I was to eat this I'd see the ghosts that haunted me?
Posted 29 June 2004 - 04:12 AM
---note to mod --- please split this after the second post into a comment thread--
Eh? I've been promoted or somthing? or are you asking for a second thread for comments?
Well heres chapter two, alot more action in it and you will probably have to wait for a while for the third since it hasn't been written yet. Yes this was written already but I wanted to hear what people thought about the first chapter first
Now to start Chapter three and to mutter and get worring stares
P.s it is probably going to be a short one (i.e. one paragraph, making it more of an interlude)
p.p.s. Cheers to whomever moved it
p.p.p.s. Said it was short, here it is done and wrapped but not spell checed since it's on wordpad. Anyway comments on any of my writings are welcome so long as they say how great I am and if you are wondering where they are then look at chapter one as I said at the begining (p.s. I was joking any comments are welcome even if it is to critisise it, it's your mind your views, I just write the bloody thing and I won't change already finished chapters (I'm too lazy to) but your views will be taken into considereation in non existant ones. I.e. 4 onwards now)
Eh? I've been promoted or somthing? or are you asking for a second thread for comments?
Well heres chapter two, alot more action in it and you will probably have to wait for a while for the third since it hasn't been written yet. Yes this was written already but I wanted to hear what people thought about the first chapter first
Now to start Chapter three and to mutter and get worring stares
P.s it is probably going to be a short one (i.e. one paragraph, making it more of an interlude)
p.p.s. Cheers to whomever moved it
p.p.p.s. Said it was short, here it is done and wrapped but not spell checed since it's on wordpad. Anyway comments on any of my writings are welcome so long as they say how great I am
and if you are wondering where they are then look at chapter one as I said at the begining (p.s. I was joking any comments are welcome even if it is to critisise it, it's your mind your views, I just write the bloody thing and I won't change already finished chapters (I'm too lazy to) but your views will be taken into considereation in non existant ones. I.e. 4 onwards now)
Edited by Dalis'ilhea, 29 June 2004 - 05:07 AM.
I apparently have a high level of empathy, combined with a low level of sympathy... weird
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
#19
Dalis'ilhea
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so, if I was to eat this I'd see the ghosts that haunted me?
Posted 29 June 2004 - 07:28 AM
Ignore this post it was a cock up
Edited by Dalis'ilhea, 05 July 2004 - 04:47 AM.
I apparently have a high level of empathy, combined with a low level of sympathy... weird
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
#20
Dalis'ilhea
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- Member
- 737 posts
so, if I was to eat this I'd see the ghosts that haunted me?
Posted 05 July 2004 - 04:47 AM
Summer break so no updates for a while and now to break out of the house
Edited by Dalis'ilhea, 05 July 2004 - 04:48 AM.
I apparently have a high level of empathy, combined with a low level of sympathy... weird
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
In the wake of destruction progress is made
I am who I am, and none shall change me
