Scipio

I'm posting this for a friend, but I'd be most grateful for advice I can pass on to him. I don't have his codec problem:

"Anyone know anything about codecs? My laptop is being overun by nonstandard codecs, and my audio is bugging out and lagging. I can seem to find the problem. I've cleaned my registry and done a complete system restore. But they are still there. Any ideas?"

I'm not a tecchie and I'm not even sure what he's taking about, but I'm sure many of you folks do.

I hate webmail.

I'm generally happy with Windows 7 but greatly miss Outlook Express. Win XP included Outlook Express as the built-in email client but Win 7 doesn't include any email client. The Windows option is now Windows Live Mail (as windows users know!). I haven't tried it -- I've been using my ISP's rather ponderous webmail service.

For browsing I use Chrome because it's clean, quick and efficient but it also doesn't have a built-in email client.

I'm thinking of switching to Opera for its built-in POP3 email client. Many of you folks probably use Firefox but it's not my browser of choice; I don't even know how Firefox users manage their email.

It seems over-complicated to install a stand-alone POP3 client like Eudora. I may be wrong.

SO... what recommendations do you have, please, for a good combination of browser and POP3 email?

** I'm not going to switch to another operating system. I'm too old and lazy to switch to Linux and I don't want an Apple computer.

I don't think they suit her.

 Vicci in Glasses.jpg   29.21K   12 downloads

For those who may not know because their home language is not English, an ?agony column? is an advice column of the type published in popular magazines and newspapers. This one comes from the Athkatla Herald.

Our thousands of newer SHS members may not have seen this column a few years ago. You may think it's appearing again because it contains so much fascinating information relevant to Baldur's Gate and Amn. The truth, however, is that SHS bought syndication rights to some archive material from the Athkatla Herald and it was so expensive that we didn't want to waste it.


Dear Agony Auntie,
I am the paternal type. I romanced Aerie because she was the only one who promised to give me children. It was so enjoyable that I have subsequently romanced her many, many times. We now have 40 kids and Aerie is pregnant AGAIN! I am finding it difficult to support all of these offspring. I have run out of money because that Nalia woman took back the castle which she said I could have. Any advice?

Don?t try to blame Aerie and Nalia for all of your problems. Aerie didn?t get pregnant on her own, you know, and Nalia can?t be expected to shoulder all of your personal financial burdens.

Let?s look at Nalia first. How can you expect her to take on the maintenance of your 40-plus starving kids when she needs to spend so much money on 40-plus starving strangers in the Slum District? What are you trying to do, start a whole new tribe of Bhaalspawn on your own?

And poor little Aerie. You know she used to fly like a butterfly. It?s not her fault that she produces eggs like a moth. Consider what your libido has done to her body. Do you think she enjoys having to flip her breasts over her shoulders when does the washing-up so that her dugs won?t dip in the dishwater?

As for you, PC, I don?t believe they drained that Bhaal essence out of you. They turned it into ball essence.


Dear Agony Auntie,
Can you help me to interpret the arcane language used on Earth, the planet in a universe parallel to our own? Over there they seem to use nothing but combinations of ones and zeroes. I believe they call this language ?Binary? yet it looks nothing like two stars orbiting each other. I much prefer our language of Oilbase3 which uses combinations of red, blue and purple. By the way, I made a mistake with some Oilbase3 scripting last week. Instead of opening a magically locked door I turned my wife into a slime. Is this condition reversible?

Planet Earth?s arcane language of Binary is primitive in the extreme. It reduces essentially to nothing more than Yes or No to examine certain conditions. For example: ?Has the customer made a purchase? If Yes, charge an administration fee. If No, charge the same administration fee but call it something else.?

Our Oilbase3 introduces the intelligent third option of Maybe. For example: ?This person is not a customer at all! Can we charge an administration fee and get away with it? Maybe.?

From this you have probably already deduced the answers to your second question, which we processed in Oilbase3. Can we turn your slime back into a wife? Maybe. Can you store her in a jar? Yes. Will she be happy there if the jar does not match the décor in the parlour? No.


Dear Agony Auntie,
I am an animal-loving druid and I am engaged to the most delightful gnoll. He is the perfect gentleman in most respects but he has two annoying little faults. Do you know how I can help him to overcome these two little matters? So far we have not been able to house-train him, and he keeps bringing carrion home for supper.

Smack him with a rolled-up scroll when he messes in the house. This should make him pay attention, especially if you do it in front of his friends.

That isn?t carrion he brings home, it?s some exotic, otherworldly food called ?tuna casserole?.


Dear Agony Auntie,
Do you think it would be deeply hurtful to my boyfriend if I asked him to wear ankle-straps in bed? His name is Cernd and he uncontrollably shape-shifts into a wolfwere in the height of passion. His dew claws snag on the sheets.

He probably changes form because his pelt itches when he gets really hot. You could treat him for mange and maybe buy him a flea collar. Or maybe you should just go with the flow! You could be in for a totally new sensation if he starts scratching behind his ear with his foot while you?re locked together.


Dear Agony Auntie,
Please help me to fight my late husband?s pension fund. He was a human and I am an elf. We spent a beautiful life together and he never missed his monthly payment into the pension fund. Now he has died of old age and the pension fund says it is not going to continue its widow?s payments to me for the next six centuries.

Sorry, dear, I can?t help you. You missed the clause in tiny print that you?ll find on every insurance contract ever written anywhere in the universe, the one that says: ?Payments will continue until the Directors decide they?d rather keep the money for themselves.?

You will find similar clauses in tiny print hidden somewhere on the warranty of every home appliance you?ve ever bought anywhere in the universe.


Dear Agony Auntie,
Do you or any readers know of a store in Amn that sells those impregnated buffing cloths to keep silver shiny with a single wipe? My vorpal sword always looks dull and tarnished when I draw it in combat. This is embarrassing.

Rather keep the vorpal sword in the trophy cabinet and buy yourself a good, licensed cutlass. Be sure to buy the genuine article, not a Pirate version.

I have special dispensation to retro-post. In fact I've been told to do so on pain of receiving a visit from Ardenor Crush. So here's some of the crap that some of us used to post to annoy serious people in the Rec Room before Quayle's Circus began.


Bhaal?s Porn ? an adult mod

I can give you some spoilers for the Bhaal?s Porn mod that ?JR- may or may not or absolutely most definitely are you goddamn stupid may not be planning.

* To heighten the enjoyment, use the new Mage Contortionist kit.
* In Irenicus?s Dungeon ask the nymph in leather to show you her fur-lined handcuffs.
* Ignore the nymph who talks about acorns. Speak to the one who is interested in nuts.
* The first spell your mage should learn will depend on your PC?s gender:
- For a male PC, Selective Stone Form which can target specific parts of the anatomy.
- For a female PC, Power Word: Headache if you?re not in the mood right now.
* If you can?t find the special items in the circus tent, use the console to get Aerie the stiletto heels.
* Jaheira can now shape-shift into a real fox. (No snide remarks about doggy style, please.)
* If you are very weird you can give Minsc another bang on the head.
* When you first meet Nalia in the Copper Coronet she will ask you to accompany her to the Mithrest Inn for some R&R. This is not all she is offering.
* The most important item of equipment for a male druid is a good, strong staff.
* Steer clear of any female NPC who asks if you know Cure Disease.
* If you want an evil party, recruit Valygar, the Stalker.
* Jan can now do things with turnips that you wouldn?t believe.
* Korgan is now? er, he?s exactly the same, actually.
* The standard joining dialogue is now, ?Does your party want to party??
* You get big bonus XP if you can persuade Mazzy to set up the vidcam.
* Haer?dalis, an extra-planar being with unusual characteristics, can now dual-wield more than swords.
* Extra HP if you use a Ring of Invisibility to sneak into bathrooms where you can hear running water.
* Before you can kill Irenicus you must allow Imoen to work off her Stockholm Syndrome with him.
* DO NOT use Improved Alacrity! Try to make it last longer.
* Females NPCs can wear see-through breastplates.
* Edwin has shortened his name by deed poll. He is now Edwin Ramrod.
* The new armour for male NPCs is muscle shirts.
* Cernd no longer needs to find his child, he wants to make new ones.
* You can install your own PC sound set including music by Barry White.
* The difficulty setting for most NPC encounters automatically goes to Easy.
* You need at least 90 in Lock-picking to open chastity belts.
* There is a new type of slime, the K-Y Jelly.
* When your party needs to rest, don?t go to an inn, look for the Athkatla Motel.
* Keldorn and Anomen are no longer in the game. They are the biggest spoilers.