Here's ToB in a Nutshell, as it should have been. Sometimes I really wonder why they even bothered to give the characters lines, even.============
Illasera : I'm here to kill you. Yeah I know everyone else has failed, but I just know I will... wait a minute I think the script writer is just trying to get ME conveniently killed... Oh shit!
(oh and my voicing sucks...)
Solar : Hi I'm Solar. I'm supposed to tell you... oh heck, just kill what's behind those stairs. After that, you may go to... wherever this railroaded plot leads you. Because... you're now in my power! Doomed to pursue your destiny! Mwahahaha!
Sarevok: Hi
PC: Not you again!
Sarevok: Ah, but now you can recruit me!
PC: I don't trust you, plus I've already got enough tanks. What can you offer me?
Sarevok: I'm awesome. Plus you can redeem me if you play your cards right.
PC: Redeem you? LOL! What for?
Sarevok: Beats me. I get the same crap ending either way.
PC: Sucks to be you. So really, what can you offer me?
Sarevok: I can do 200HP critical hits.
PC: Welcome aboard!
Sarevok is by courtesy of Cal Jones!
Awesome!Melissan : Melissan here. Yes I know my Evilness is written on my forehead, but you must Obey me because otherwise you'll be stuck here forever and ever.
That's Right. Yes boy, that's the way. Attaboy! Go Rover!
PC : Woof Woof!
Gromnir : Yeah, Gromnir been hiding from you in a zillion ways, but now that you're finally here guess what? Gromnir suddenly decided Gromnir not that chicken anymore and Gromnir now fight you.
(oh and Gromnir voicing sucks too...)
Yaga Shura : Yaga Shura script like Gromnir, talk same, just voice different. That Ok, because Yaga Shura invincible! RRAAAGH! Wait... not invincible. Well Yaga Shura kill you anyway. Troublesome to run.
Solar : Oh it is you again. Now I'll tell you more about your... oh heck, it is irrelevant to what's going to happen anyway. Just go kill what's behind those stairs. And behind those stairs and those stairs, and the rest of them as they open up. And don't talk to me again.
(By the way, I think Bioware found my echoey voice Hot and thought, "LETS USE IT OVER AND OVER FOR EVERYONE" I knew I should have copyrighted my voice)
Alternate version by theacefes below
Credits to her!CHARNAME'S MOM: RARW I AM YOUR MOTHER!!! FEAR ME FOR I WANTED TO GET HORNY WITH BHAAL!
PC: Um...wait...you're evil? I thought you and Gorion were home fries.
MOM: BLAH! Don't believe anything those Interplay people say! Interplay Idiots is more like it!
PC: Right.
Solar: (echoey voice) Aggaaiiinnn...this is jussst anothhher time wastingggg event.
Gen Jamis : Hi I'm Jamis. I don't want to talk to you, I just want to kill you. Why am I even saying this?
Oh right, I have to pretend to be good. So I'm just supposed to tell you - Your Execution has been ordered! All right, let's fight, and this is the good part, since I have an army and you don't... and that's why I'm going to be the first to charge at you.
Balthazar : Go to these two places and kill the two turds there. Now shut up and get to work.
( well, the real Balthazar was actually busy, and he sent me the cartographer to help draw the two places on your map, because apparently no one else, Melissan included, can )
Sendai : My low intelligence apparently didn't realise who was powerful enough to wipe out about 3/4s of my army, until it was too late. And then I threw a few minions more expecting them somehow to kill you. Now I have made all the preparations, so that... yeah I hope my hitpoints somehow outlast the number of times you can swing your weapons and cast your spells.
Draconis : Fear me! But since I'm so big and powerful and grand and beautiful and deadly, I think I want to be permanently invisible. Yeah, that makes sense somehow.
Abazigal : The grand flames of my existence are... wait, was I hiding in my lair from you? I think I should go visit my psychiatrist after this...
Balthazar : Come, let's suicide together! Wait.. you're not willing? No, you must be insane, how could you *not* want to suicide together? Ah well, let me help you then! Kamikaze hai-yah!
Solar : I've a confession to make. You know how I've been encouraging you to kill your siblings? Well you've been had, Melissan actually bribed me to give you the impression that it would hinder rather than help her and your dad.
But... her cheque bounced, and she's not picking up my calls, so I'll reveal her nefarious scheme which I knew all along, and let you go stop her. Heh.
(Oh and remember to send me my cheque...)
(after the Melissan fight)
Solar : Enough, Melissan...
Yeah, stop staring at me like that, CHARNAME. I could have stopped her from the beginning but I was just bored. Yes, your fight was interesting, and yes it did make like, so much difference. Consider it as basic service for giving you a chance to be a God.
Stop staring at me like that.
=============
Yes, I do wonder what they paid the scriptwriters for. I think they should have just hired Weimer to do a Tactics Mod, because that was apparently what they were trying to do with all the fighting emphasis. And failed, I think, since it seems the overall idea was to provide more Hitpoints on the table than you had strength to swing your weapons and spells to cast.
(well I might be the only one to fail to appreciate that, since I usually have 2-3 rings of Regen and 1-2 Rings of Gaxxes on my party. But I'm sure you guys use Healing Spells and Rest, right? at the very least...)
Meanwhile, thank you theacesfes for inspiration and quite a few lines!
And providing timely feedback (for some)
Edited by Zyraen, 28 May 2008 - 06:10 PM.
