32 replies to this topic

[Meira]

*Applauds* Very interesting start, though I feel that your apologies in the beginning were perhaps unnecessary. Giving sort of the ending partly away... Especially when you obviously appreciate Kelsey enough to make him, if not the hero in the story in classical sense, but the story is (so far) told from his point of view. The honour is rarely give to Anomen for example. So far the sympathies of the reader (at least on my case) are on Kelsey's side. Tragic hero is a hero nevertheless.

I liked the way you handled Sola's questioning of surfacer (human) ways and how you portrayed him overall. I hope to se more of him in the further episodes.

In my mind Haer should have a little more edge on him - given his view of life. But by no means you did badly with him.

Interesting party you have there ? one that would certainly create conflicts even if the was no love or desire mixed in. Cas?ira's own profession and interests were still left a bit of a mystery (or then I wasn't paying enough attention ) - apart from the we know that she is patient and able to hide her true intentions, perhaps.

I'm looking forward to the next instalments of this story, though I must wonder how long you have lurked here and kept your talents hidden from us.

Edited by Meira, 09 August 2004 - 12:17 AM.

[thinkinc]

Thank you. I have removed the apology, as you suggested.

This is basically an excerpt chapter from a story arc I'm working on for an alternate Bhaalspawn character. I really hate the way the Baldur's Gate fiction began the story of the main character. So, this is another spawn in perhaps a parallel universe, or whatever makes it easier to ignore the fact that I'm recycling characters that have already been used.

I know you're not supposed to change point-of-view during the story, but I like to write each chapter from a different character's perspective. I will be writing one from Anomen's, Haer'dalis, Solaufein and even Edwin as I work through my little tale.

I've been lurking awhile. I just got the courage to post recently, however. So your encouragement is appreciated.

[Meira]

I know you're not supposed to change point-of-view during the story, but I like to write each chapter from a different character's perspective. I will be writing one from Anomen's, Haer'dalis, Solaufein and even Edwin as I work through my little tale.

Sounds very interesting. I'll be looking forward especially Haer'Dalis' and Solaufein's turn. :love:

[Meira]

Part II

Didn't see that coming. Poor fellow. Perhaps a warning for diehard Kelsey fans would be in order after all.

This reminds me little of Ruslaka's Losing Grip - I wonder what it is in Kelsey that lures the slayer out of the Charname? Even Anomen (so far) has not been seen to do that.

[Bookwyrme]

know you're not supposed to change point-of-view during the story, .

Whyever not? Plenty of fiction, fanfic & otherwise does. I think the only "rule" is that your audience should be able to follow you through the twists & turns.

And some people break that one & do it to good effect.

So maybe the only rule is do whatever you're doing well.

If this is your beginning chapter, it's quite an explosive start.

[Theodur]

Excellent, excellent stuff. I find your portrayal of Kelsey to be very much in character. And the ending was just so... so... so beautiful, and might I add - richly deserved?

There is one thing that I truly love about the Kelsey mod. It gives you the opportunity to kill off the merchant boy and earn yourself a nice 650XP.

Yep, as much as for an ettercap. Though, I would rather have my Charname romance an ettercap instead of Kelsey.

[Meira]

Come on. Let's play it nice, alright?

[Kaos]

Wow.
Well, I have to say I didn't think the story would end like that! It was very intriguing, and well done, Thinkink. If you are willing to do that Kelsey, I wonder what you might do to everyone else! Post again soon!

[thinkinc]

Thank you all, very much.

And I am willing to do that to Kelsey, but that doesn't mean I don't respect all the work that went in to him. He was just too nice for me. My Bhaalspawn wants a man who can level her with his eyes, whose silent glance can inspire fear and desire. Kelsey was a little too limp-wristed with his heart on his sleeve. I couldn't resist eating it.

Ah, but I digress. I'm working on more. I'll post the first chapter of the Bane of Fate soon. I've just been trying to catch up on my canon. I think you all will like my plans for Solaufein.

[Shadowhawke]

Wow, Thinkinc! This is really interesting... I think that the deeply moralistic banter... or perhaps argument? ( ) between Anomen and Sola was very interesting. And... the end quite well deserved. Keep writing... I'm interested to see where this goes.

[Celestine]

this is an excellent, and i mean Excellent story. I enjoyed it so much. I feel that the characters are well-portrayed and the words are smooth. I like it alot and hope to read more of it soon.

You have a talent and I'm so glad you are sharing your stories.

[Beyshaliban]

Oh...Ouch! What an end!

Morale? Don't mess with Ms. Bhaalspawn.

Also your take on Edwin was very nice, indeed. Now I'm having this picture in my head of Edwin messing around with the Netherscroll. He has time now, hasn't he? Gods! I hope he doesn't try it out in prison. Or at least he has a cell all to his own. :edwin:

I like it.

[Briannandoah]

I haven't been earlier on this thread, because I usually don't like to read any fan fiction at all. I was glad I chose this story to read though, because I liked it a lot. You truly seem to master the conversations, and switch fluently between characters. I felt sorry for the poor Kelsey and also the main character. And Anomen was himself as always, as was Edwin. I also liked the way you treated Sola, and would also like to see the story on Haer'dalis point of view.

I think I will be returning to read this story in the future. Thanks.

Edited by Briannandoah, 12 August 2004 - 11:19 PM.

[farsal]

Just brilliant. I am speechless with admiration. The characterizations in the case of Kelsey and Edwin were superb. Sola's characterization enriched the character, and dare I add made him very appealing to this reader. The conversations among the principals was well thought out and highly entertaining. The Kelsey climax was breathtakingly horrible in its irrevocable and complete hopeless finality. Your Bhaalspawn is tantalizing and interesting.

In short, fabulous! :thumb: :thumb: :thumb:

[MorningGlory]

An excellent piece, thinkinc.. Well thought-out, good pacing, and excellent depiction of the various npc's characterizations. Good job and I will echo the sentiments of everyone else here and say I hope that we are graced with many more of your offerings.

And, on behalf of Viga (who is cooling his heels in Alaska at the moment, er, literally), may we extend a very hearty 'welcome', as well.. Anything either of us can do to make your 'stay' more pleasant, please pm us.

MG

[Erephine]

This one will definately be one of my favourites

I especially love the way you characterize the bhaalspawn.

[Celestine]

This one will definately be one of my favourites

I especially love the way you characterize the bhaalspawn.

i second that. I'm already dying to read the next chapter. faster..

[Erephine]

While you're waiting.... how about finishing your own story?

Pleaaassseeeee?

[Erephine]

Thumbs up for the new chapter

Only thing that caught my eye is you reference to "Phaera", but she's called "Phaere".

[thinkinc]

Thanks for the correction!

I've been zenning out on the Sola character. It's hard to write drow! I have to keep thinking of other examples of men I know who grew up with tyrannical women, but none of those guys have half the inner strength that Sola does. Character development for other species, like Larry Niven said, is something you should never do on a lark.

Now I see why.