6 replies to this topic

[Illesrhea]

Any thoughts, reviews, comments, and constructive criticisms regarding my fic, Within, can be placed here. Much thanks.
~Illesrhea

[Deathsangel]

I'll update this post as I am just starting to read. The setting is getting to me. Found two very peculiar grammar mistakes in the lines:

'Discord kept her hir cut to her chin for practical reasons, so she would slice it off with a shrp dagger every month or so, much to the dismay of' - it ought to be hair and sharp

he added ruefully. ?It can?t be good for you.? - ougt to be truefully, I reckon

I think it would be better to put the disclaimer at the end of chapter 1 at the beginning. It kind of took me out of the story and seems therefor at that spot misplaced

Chapter 2:

Boo is getting ancy - I really don't have any clue what this means, either due to my lack of knowledge of the english language or you made a typo

Never fancied Haer'Dalis to be the crancky one in the morning. I would appoint Anomen for that, I reckon. Imoen I can imagine somehow. No need to chance it. Just found it funny.

I would not begrudge it to you.? - This sounds weird to me. 'I would not hold a grudge against you, if you would', sounds better to me. This could be my lack of the certain use of words though. The word begrudge just sounds... odd to me

you will rue the day you crossed me!" - I do not know the word rue. Don't know if this really wrong or just me. You could replace it with 'regret'

Post 4

What about the Shadow Theives - this should be Thieves.

Suddenly a flaming torch had always been in his hand - Suddenly and always are contradictive, this is not a logical sentence

travelling song for themall to sing - needs a space

(post 5)

Just like: inventedthis turnip souffle

congregated travbellers, still oblivious - should be travellers

in an eggagerated stage - This is a new word to me. Typo?

of thier endeavors thus far. - this should be their

just like - thier man, Imoen would bet on it.

All in all interresting story. I am curious as to who the new 'bad guy' is. More so, as my mod is going to use the Black Lotus market.

Hope I didn't made to much corrections and you are starting to dislike me. I just did what you asked me

Edited by Deathsangel, 16 March 2005 - 07:00 AM.

[Illesrhea]

Wow! Thats a lot to process. I'll go through it all...

- Yeah, it should be hair and sharp. My a key is a little sticky, so that happens. Ill fix it.

- ruefully is a word. I don't think truefully is. It means "mournfully" or "Regretfully"

- I'll fix the disclaimer. This fic was originally posted from fanfiction.net, so there may be some formatting errors because of that.

- 'ancy' means 'impatiently'

- rue is a word. It means regret

- "Suddenly a flaming torch had always been in his hand" I was hoping someone would notice this. Yeah, it doesnt make any sense, because it is a dream sequence, and dreams are crazy and illogical. Its supposed to give that sense of dreamlike-ness to the narrative.

-oops! eggagerated is a spelling error. I meant exaggerated, meaning "over-emphasized"

- Actually, it is spelled "thier". I before E rule, you know.

Thanks for the review! I love hearing from ppl!

-Rhea

Edited by Illesrhea, 16 March 2005 - 04:45 PM.

[Celestine]

Wow, a loving couple on the surface. Hmm, Discord seemed to have a temper to match Anomen's. A great start.

I noticed you have quite a bit of typos around, like 'hair' was spelt as 'hir' instead.

Don't stop writing.

[Deathsangel]

Wow! Thats a lot to process. I'll go through it all...

- ruefully is a word. I don't think truefully is. It means "mournfully" or "Regretfully"

- 'ancy' means 'impatiently'

- rue is a word. It means regret

Who, I'm learning a lot of new words. These were all new to me. Just the

Actually, it is spelled "thier". I before E rule, you know

I just looked up in my dutch-english dictonary and if it is from someone like: 'their children' it really is their not thier. Perhaps 'thier' is another word, but in this context I expected their.

Edited by Deathsangel, 17 March 2005 - 01:40 AM.

[Illesrhea]

New chapter of Within is up. Review... if you DARE!

[Little Dragon]

Actually, it is spelled "thier". I before E rule, you know

I just looked up in my dutch-english dictonary and if it is from someone like: 'their children' it really is their not thier. Perhaps 'thier' is another word, but in this context I expected their.

Don't know if this will help, but the I before E rule doesn't always apply.

The way I remember it is with the rhyme:

I before E except after C, or in words sounding like A as in Neighbor or Weigh.

Their does not fit, I know, it's just one of those exceptions to the rule.