21 replies to this topic

[Pen52]

The title says it all, I think.

Is it a believable scenario? I'd be really interested in hearing how this reads. I tried to create a feeling of urgency, here, and I'm wondering if that manages to come across. Also, if I managed the capture the sensations that someone would feel if they were in this position (dying a slow death)?

[Celestine]

Nice, very nice. I like the flow and yeah, its believable definitely.

[Pen52]

Nice, very nice. I like the flow and yeah, its believable definitely.

Thank you. That's good to hear.

[Shadowhawke]

That was incredible. Your descriptions were really vivid and you could almost feel all of Raesa's pain... I'm definitely looking forwards to more of this . I'm also curious as to why she left her companions... will she summon them again with the Summoning Spirit thing?

[Pen52]

That was incredible. Your descriptions were really vivid and you could almost feel all of Raesa's pain... I'm definitely looking forwards to more of this . I'm also curious as to why she left her companions... will she summon them again with the Summoning Spirit thing?

Thank you! I really tried to stay in Raesa's POV for this, as much as possible. I'm glad that you think I succeded in this.

As for her companions... all will be explained later. But, about the Summoning Spirit, why would Sarevok tell her abot it and give up the upper hand? That's another question that bugs me in TOB.

But they will be coming into the picture soon.

[DalreïDal]

Hello Pen! Actually, I was almost sad to see this up, because it meant the death of your precedent story (which was quite enjoyable, you know). After reading it, I find it very promising and possibly a satisfying compensation for the loss of your precedent story.

The descriptions an characterizations were very well done. Your Sarevok was very.... very........ convincing. I agree with you that you have to have a good reason to resurect him and all, but hey, game developers arranged that for us, didn't they? If you don't resurect him, you're stuck in the pocket plane forever, until you agree to give up part of your soul to Sarevok and so gain access to the first challenge. That's kind of a good (if cheap) reason to resurect your father's murderer.

Anyway, your story was very good, and you got me seriously fearing for Raesa's life when she finally allowed Sarevok to steal a part of her soul for himself and just stood there gloating over his victory while she was breathing her last breaths!

[Pen52]

Hello Pen! Actually, I was almost sad to see this up, because it meant the death of your precedent story (which was quite enjoyable, you know). After reading it, I find it very promising and possibly a satisfying compensation for the loss of your precedent story.

Well thank you for the compliment (both of them) but I haven't abandoned my other story. The next chapter of that is coming along nicely (though a bit slowly). I'll try to do both of these.

The descriptions an characterizations were very well done. Your Sarevok was very.... very........ convincing. I agree with you that you have to have a good reason to resurect him and all, but hey, game developers arranged that for us, didn't they? If you don't resurect him, you're stuck in the pocket plane forever, until you agree to give up part of your soul to Sarevok and so gain access to the first challenge. That's kind of a good (if cheap) reason to resurect your father's murderer.

I've always found it strange that you needed Sarevok to show you how to leave your *own* pocket plane... Little to convenient.

Anyway, your story was very good, and you got me seriously fearing for Raesa's life when she finally allowed Sarevok to steal a part of her soul for himself and just stood there gloating over his victory while she was breathing her last breaths!

That's a good thing, thank you!

Thank you for reading and commenting!

[Thauron]

I suppose comments on the second part of this wonderful story go here as well?

Anyway, I read the second part of this and promptly did a search for the first that I somehow missed - both qualify as one of the best BG fanfics I ever read - if not the very best. You definately have talent there.
Wonderful scene/situation/plot you started from - brilliantly executed on top of that. Well done! Your Sarevok is very convincing indeed - as is your Bhaalspawn and the confrontation/bluff/powerplay that develops between the two of them.

You proved that I was not the only one who felt seriously unsatisfied with Sarevok's sudden reappearance in TOB - and the shallow excuse needed to bring him back to life - I would have far more liked the alternative you painted us here.  

It are these sort of believable situations/dilemmas that you created here that I am still missing in PC RPGs - luckily we can still find it in novels or - to my surprise - in fanfic such as yours.

Thank you.

[Solstice]

Part 2 was definitely an enjoyable read, but I have a question: am I reading hints of a love triangle between Sarevok, Raesa, and Anomen?

[Pen52]

I suppose comments on the second part of this wonderful story go here as well?

Got it in one! Comments are good, in whatever thread or form.

Anyway, I read the second part of this and promptly did a search for the first that I somehow missed - both qualify as one of the best BG fanfics I ever read - if not the very best. You definately have talent there.

Thank you very much. I did put a lot of work into both, so I'm glad that it turned out alright. This is a work in progress, though, so I'm not done with tweeking it, yet. Loads of tweaking to come -- sentence structure, paragraph flow... *sigh* All the incessant tweeking is keeping me from getting chapter three done.

Wonderful scene/situation/plot you started from - brilliantly executed on top of that. Well done! Your Sarevok is very convincing indeed - as is your Bhaalspawn and the confrontation/bluff/powerplay that develops between the two of them.

Glad you liked the interaction between these two. If you want a little background on my Bhaalspawn -- sucumbing to a bout of shamless selfpromotion -- check out 'Thieves', a one-shot that takes time during SOA -- ending shameless selfpromotion.

You proved that I was not the only one who felt seriously unsatisfied with Sarevok's sudden reappearance in TOB - and the shallow excuse needed to bring him back to life - I would have far more liked the alternative you painted us here.

It are these sort of believable situations/dilemmas that you created here that I am still missing in PC RPGs - luckily we can still find it in novels or - to my surprise - in fanfic such as yours.

Thank you.

You are very welcome. And let me thank you for such a thoughtful, kind review. I really appreciate it -- believe me. It's good :Dto know that somebody is reading and enjoying what I write.

So, thank you.

[Pen52]

Part 2 was definitely an enjoyable read, but I have a question: am I reading hints of a love triangle between Sarevok, Raesa, and Anomen?

Hmm... Honestly, I have no idea. Sarevok kind of writes himself, really. But, I don't doubt that he would use whatever advantage -- leverage -- that he could get, sex included. Also, there are other elements to consider: power-play, envy, lingering thoughts of revenge...

Raesa hates his guts, though. So, any relationship between them would be extremely self-destructive. Let's just keep them from killing each other for now, all right?

I do have a plot line that could lead there, but in a really roundabout way. A love triangle I would want to write would not be fun and games, believe me -- more of a messy, hard, gritty reality.

So, expect the unexpected and you won't be surprised.

[DalreïDal]

Hi!

I really like your second chapter... The careful description of Sarevok's sensations was really well done. It was an excellent insignt into his "triumph" state of mind.

Though I would have liked the 2nd chapter to be in the same thread as the 1st... would have made it easier to refresh our memories.

Keep writing

[Shadowhawke]

Apologies, Pen52, I kinda took the liberty of merging the two topics together to form one cohesive one again just to make it easier. I hope you don't mind. If you do, PM me and I'll undo it, okay?

Now onto more important matters... that was an absolutely brilliant second chapter. . I loved your characterisation... your Raesa and Sarevok are really absolutely incredible. The way that you're writing everything is extraordinarily captivating as well... the power-play between the two of them is really intense.

If you haven't gotten it by now, I'm *really* looking forwards to what happens next, along with most others here I'm sure. . Please, keep up the good work.

[Pen52]

Hi!

I really like your second chapter... The careful description of Sarevok's sensations was really well done. It was an excellent insignt into his "triumph" state of mind.

Thank you. And thank you for taking the time to comment on this.

[Pen52]

Apologies, Pen52, I kinda took the liberty of merging the two topics together to form one cohesive one again just to make it easier. I hope you don't mind. If you do, PM me and I'll undo it, okay?

Hey, thank you for merging the topics -- I should have done it myself, but it slipped my mind. It is easier to read this way. Thanks.

Now onto more important matters... that was an absolutely brilliant second chapter. . I loved your characterisation... your Raesa and Sarevok are really absolutely incredible. The way that you're writing everything is extraordinarily captivating as well... the power-play between the two of them is really intense.

If you haven't gotten it by now, I'm *really* looking forwards to what happens next, along with most others here I'm sure. . Please, keep up the good work.

Thank you for the kind words. I hope that the next chapter does not dissapoint, then. *fingers crossed*

[Kaeloree]

Wow! Just had a read, absolutely stunning interaction... I adore the tensions between Raesa and Sarevok, and the way you've described the Pocket Plane is very cool, as well. I can't wait for more! Haven't quite finished yet, still going... but wow wow wow

[Shadowhawke]

Hear hear to what K'aeloree said! The interaction was as incredible as the last two, especially with your new revelation. The way your story has unfolded has really got me on edge now... what with the nature of the first challenge and his refusal to impart either the Summoning Spirit or the healing potions. All of the tweaking with paragraphs and sentence structures that you've mentioned appear to be working very well too; it's a nice, smooth read that adds to the effect. Please, keep writing!

[DalreïDal]

Seconding (or thirdering?) here (Sorry, I'm in lurking mode these days, that's the longest review you'll get from me )

[Solstice]

They all said it better than I could. Enjoyed reading it, looking forward to more.

[Pen52]

Wow! Just had a read, absolutely stunning interaction... I adore the tensions between Raesa and Sarevok, and the way you've described the Pocket Plane is very cool, as well. I can't wait for more! Haven't quite finished yet, still going... but wow wow wow

Hey. Thank you very much for the enthusiastic comment. It is appreciated, believe me. Hope that you'll enjoy the rest of this, and the chapters to come.