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Challenge #5: Then it was just the two...

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#1 Jarno Mikkola

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Posted 30 September 2007 - 03:35 AM

All comments are welcome, and by the way, the Markaan is the Bhaal Spawn.

Challenge #5: Then it was just the two...

"Yes, what is it that you want, elf."

"I have come to ask for a sanctuary and help, for it seems that an evil Lich has come to threaten me. I have no where else to turn to, and I need a champion to defeat it."

"I know you, do you realise how late this is?" One of the knights raised his voice. "You came more than hundred years later, and dare to ask our help, again. Face it Markaan it is too late. My grandfather offered his help, and you took it, without repaying his service, he protected you in exchange for nothing but death on your side, and you used him just to gain more power. And now you dare to ask it again. Go away, and never return, or we will kill you ourselves."

"Ahh, Korgan Firecam, you are much like your grandfather, and I can see that you carry much of him within you, including his blade, the one that I gave him."

After the first shock was weared off from Korgans face, he just turned away and said, "Come my brothers he has nothing to offer us, and even if he had, I wouldn't be taking it even with a ten foot long staff." For he knew, it wasn't Markaan that had given his father the sword, Keldorn had gained it form a red dragon, after killing it, with Markaan of course... but...


After the meeting was over, Markaan's had no choice, he had to leave his life in Athkatla, to go somewhere else.

As he stepped his path towards the city gate, he became aware of that he was followed, the few thieves that he saw, were trying to surround him, so he turned and said, "Come, face me if you dare."
An arrow flew by, hitting the wall beside Markaan. "Wha haa, you missed me." He replied, "Isn't it a pity that you couldn't have even hurt me with it." He raised his hand and launched a fireball. "Ah, whose next?"
But then a shining light became to glow from the arrow behind Markaan. Behind the light, there was human shaped creatures and when it dimmed, one of them was the thief, the others were a human mage particulary looking like Edwin and the Lich.
Markaan said, "Nice trick, too bad you can't use it twice, and Edwin, shouldn't you already be dead?"
"That's Edwina. For now." The Lich said, "And as you can see, I am dead. This is my son. But now it's time to meet your friends, from hell, they have been waiting this moment for far too long." After with Edwina and the other mage becan to gate in demons.

It was Markaan's time to deside whether to flee or attack. The choice was easy.
He raised his defences and began the blood war against the demons from his past.
When Edwina was severely injured, her son was nearly dead and most of the demons were gone, Markaan becan to cast his Time Stop spell.
It was easy, the Comet would kill them both. But the strike in his back came from no where, especially inside the frozen time, but it came nonetheless! The thief's tail along with poison made Markaan to lose control, stunned he fell on the road under him.

Then it was just the two of them, and finally Markaan recognized it, the smile, it was the Imp's!

Edited by Jarno Mikkola, 30 September 2007 - 04:25 AM.

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#2 Solar's Harper

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Posted 30 September 2007 - 04:02 AM

:lol: I'm sure there's more than one linking joke in there, and the whole imp business at the end was a nice touch, Jarno. Nice work! :cheers:

Noticed some typos however :(

do you realice how late this is?

do you realise how late this is?

with Markaan of cource...

with Markaan of course...

When Edwina was sewearly injured

When Edwina was severely injured
When Edwina was seriously injured

(not quite sure which one you were looking for there) ^_^

are much alike your grandfather

are much like your grandfather

(no need for alike, like works just as well) :)

but it came none the less

but it came nonetheless

(one word works too)

they has been wating

they have been waiting

Isn't a pity that you couldn't have even hurt me with it

Isn't it a pity that you couldn't have even hurt me with it

Missing word: it
Context issue :)

and becan the blood war

and began the blood war

(if that's what you were looking for... loved that line btw ^_^ )

The Thiefs tail

The Thief's tail
The Thief's trail

and of course the Capital in Thief's might not be nessecary...

(not quite sure what is being looked for in there :( )

Ok that's about all I can find for now; terribly sorry to be such a pain with this increadibly long post with all the quote boxes and all, anyways hope this helps. :)

Loved the fiction, especially with the use of previously known names, hehe: Korgan Firecam... an odd combination. :D

Edit: fixed a typo of my own... figures.
Edit2: Thanks CC for pointing these out...

Edited by Solar's Harper, 30 September 2007 - 04:08 AM.

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#3 Jarno Mikkola

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Posted 30 September 2007 - 04:34 AM

Noticed some typos however

That's cause I was in a hurry, you know, the competition ends today. :devil: And thanks for your notes.

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