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#1 Shadowhawke

Shadowhawke

    Starlight Seeker

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  • 1568 posts

Posted 07 December 2008 - 03:17 PM

First off, welcome to Scribbles! :D Great to see a new face around here, and original fantasy is always good too. :) I like the first few chapters you've given us so far, they set up an interesting premise that makes me want to know more about both your characters and why exactly Ithillian was chosen. A bit of nitpicking, though... sometimes your sentences are so consistently short it makes the reading a little jerky. While this effect is great sometimes, especially in tension-filled scenes, you tend to use it quite a lot. Aside from that, I really love your descriptions - they make the places and the people seem very alive. :)

So yes, I'm looking forwards to seeing you continue this! Although one more note... I think you'll find that you'll get a lot more readers and reviewers if you post your story as opposed to a download link, just because it is much easier for people to access. :)

Through lightning, travel shadow,
Through hell and all above,
Surviving sword and arrow,
Bound stronger by the love

***

And in the end a witness,
To where the death has lain,
Silent through the sorrow,
Where innocents lie slain


#2 Thanatos.

Thanatos.
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  • 474 posts

Posted 07 December 2008 - 11:31 PM

Hooray and thanks. I will try to tae your advice ^_^