34 replies to this topic

[Orthodoxia]

How unfair!! Now I can stop writing it, seeing how everyone knows what's going to happen anyway

...

Well, you've got one thing correct, but I'm not saying which now

[Epantiras]

Well, you've got one thing correct, but I'm not saying which now

Aww you're eeevil

[Lind]

I have already repressed those shocking revaluation.  

Edited by Lind, 11 October 2009 - 07:54 PM.

[Shadowhawke]

I'll admit I definitely don't have the flair for predicting stories, but I'm certainly enjoying what I'm seeing at the moment. Aneele getting surprised by the Priestess was hilarious! Although, I might be wrong, but is that really a trait of Sharess priestesses? Or did you mean Sunite priestesses, Sune being the Goddess of Love?

Anyway, I'm sure you have far more in store for us, as evidenced by that rather interesting letter. Can't wait to see what happens next. I'm loving your group dynamics.

[Orthodoxia]

Sharess is the deity of hedonism, festhalls and sensual fulfillment. Sune is all about love, Sharess... not so much.

Oh, I wish I could develop their party dynamic further but they can be so difficult to write sometimes. >.<

[Lind]

Hooray! An update.

Enjoyed it very much.  

[Epantiras]

I've read the new chapter

It was good, the text needs small refinements like correcting some typos or getting rid of some rendundant words: I've encountered just two or three, like "The gates of Highcliff had a fair share of wagons, though nothing like she had seen in Neverwinter. And by the sound and looks of it, the port below also had its share of ships."

The first part about Aneele and Iris talking is ok, yet nothing to write home about. It think it's not bad, you must have some "quiet" moments if you want the "cool" moments to stand out. The chapter gets better as we finally see Quarrel confronting Aneele about Jerro's notes. And wow they're on ridable horses XD (sorry, this is some kind of lame "there are no ridable mounts" in-joke).
The last part about Aneele's diary and Sir Khelgar throwing people out of windows is a nice twist! I wonder what will happen - because for some obvious reasons I believe the SoZ party is not going to disappear from the story just because Aneele plans to leave them.

Edited by Epantiras, 28 December 2009 - 11:16 AM.

[Orthodoxia]

Hooray! An update.

Enjoyed it very much.

Thank you

I've read the new chapter

And I was wondering where you were

The first part about Aneele and Iris talking is ok, yet nothing to write home about. It think it's not bad, you must have some "quiet" moments if you want the "cool" moments to stand out. The chapter gets better as we finally see Quarrel confronting Aneele about Jerro's notes. And wow they're on ridable horses XD (sorry, this is some kind of lame "there are no ridable mounts" in-joke).

The Adventure or Bust group always travels with style, and that means horses and fresh, tasty food. Join them, you know you want to

The last part about Aneele's diary and Sir Khelgar throwing people out of windows is a nice twist! I wonder what will happen - because for some obvious reasons I believe the SoZ party is not going to disappear from the story just because Aneele plans to leave them.

You can just tell she has her priorities set straight I mean, considering what she's panicking over...
And of course they're not going to disappear, do you think someone like Mezarat is going to allow himself to be just wiped off the stage? Not if can help it.

[Shadowhawke]

Hey Orthodoxia, it's good to see you again! I have to say, you've built up a lot of very interesting plot bunnies with this one... just who was that other thief, for one? I'm sure it will be revealed in good time.

As for getting back in shape... I have to say, the main thing I thought cramping your style in this chapter was the switching between tenses. Even so, you certainly managed to come back with a bang, and I'm looking forwards to seeing what Aneele makes of the situation. Also, just the way you write Khelgar off the scenes makes me laugh and wonder if we'll actually get to see him.

[Orthodoxia]

Hey Orthodoxia, it's good to see you again! I have to say, you've built up a lot of very interesting plot bunnies with this one... just who was that other thief, for one? I'm sure it will be revealed in good time.

I'm glad that there are people still reading it. I hope with new found time that I'll be able to progress the story faster. No promises but I'll try
As for the thief, he's my favorite character right behind Aneele

As for getting back in shape... I have to say, the main thing I thought cramping your style in this chapter was the switching between tenses.

Could you show me an example or two where I did that You have no idea how easy it is to butcher the language when it's not your own. Unless, it's jumping frantically from scene to scene what you mean 'cause I'm still working on smoothing those out.

Even so, you certainly managed to come back with a bang, and I'm looking forwards to seeing what Aneele makes of the situation. Also, just the way you write Khelgar off the scenes makes me laugh and wonder if we'll actually get to see him.

Oh, he'll be back Next chapter and all

Thank You for the review

[Epantiras]

Ah, I've finally read the new chapter ;-) it's longer than usual, isn't it?
I'm glad you didn't loose your skill in describing things and characters. I hope you won't mind if I won't analize each part as I did in the past, I'm too lazy to do so...

Finally Quarrel decided to make his moves, I wonder how this situation will evolve. The thief at the end was a nice plot twist and I must add that the sentence about the magical key slipping in Anelee's pocket makes me think that the recovery of her journal will cause her more troubles than she thought!

[Orthodoxia]

No in-depth analyzing? That makes me sad But at least you got around to read it I actually believed you were no longer interested in the story.

Journal? Key? Now, when did I ever make things easy for her

[Epantiras]

Not interested? Absolutely not! I was actually worred that YOU had lost interest in writing the story ;-)

[Orthodoxia]

Nah, no interest lost, just some s$%^ in RL hitting to close to home had me down for a while (still does) That won't prevent me from writing I should hope

Edited by Orthodoxia, 28 April 2010 - 10:49 AM.