If I may make a few suggestions:
The moon is full and its cold light illuminates the ruined city of Saradush. I stop and listen to the fading echoes of my footsteps. I pull my cloak more tightly against the chill air. Nothing now lives in this dead city, monument to Amelyssan's ambitions and my failure.
While this portion is descriptive, I can see the ruined city in my mind, the flow reads like an old telegram message. ("Urgent" stop "Need you to come" stop.) Try this:
I stop and listen to the fading echoes of my footsteps, pulling my cloak more tightly to ward off the chill air. Nothing now lives in this city. It is a lifeless monument to Amelyssan's ambitions and my own failure.
He stands in the shadows and watches her. He has followed her here. He always follows. He sees her breath fog the air. She drops to her knees, bends her head, her unbound hair falls to obscure her profile, and she assumes an attitude of prayer.
You switch from a personal point of view to a view noted by a third person. I had trouble following this because I have no idea who the first person is and the transfer to the third person was a bit awkward. Is the "I" the "she"? Also, since you are mentioning a view from a third party, it might be best to say that
"he watches as she drops to her knees, her unbound hair falling to obscure her profile as she bends her head. He sees her breath in the fog, creating a halo about her person as she assumes an attitude of prayer."
Later, you switch back to the first person and that once agin throws the reader off. It is difficult to follow the flow of the story.
In all honesty, I think it is interesting and would like to see where it is leading. Who are the lovers? Is the PC feeling guilty over the ruin of Saradush? Or exhilaration?
I would very much like to see more.