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Comments on "Black Rock at Bad Day"


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#1 Beyshaliban

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Posted 05 April 2004 - 02:03 AM

Indeed. Goodie is correct! *teehee*

Now you know there are quite a few breathlessly waiting what's going to happen!

Nasty cliffhangers. :P

#2 MorningGlory

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Posted 05 April 2004 - 06:47 AM

Indeed.  Goodie is correct!  *teehee*

Now you know there are quite a few breathlessly waiting what's going to happen!

Nasty cliffhangers.  :P

Thank you, Bey!

The sequel will appear in the next day or two. Have to put Miss Jaheira's mind at ease by catching Jonny the Kid, you know.. ;) And then there is the trial.. :D

MG

#3 JPS

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Posted 05 April 2004 - 09:45 AM

That's just brilliant! And I didn't realize that the main character's initials were "PC" until he said it. :lol:

One small thing, just because I'm picky: at times the story shifts from the main character's perspective to one of the other characters. It seems to happen a bit too irregularely to be intentional, and I really think the story would have a better flow without it.

I'm especially thinking about the card game, where I think you could get the same thing across (Eddie feeling superior) by having him talk to himself instead. That's probably not the best of habits for a professional gambler, but it would fit the character and you could avoid the sudden shift.
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#4 MorningGlory

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Posted 05 April 2004 - 10:22 AM

That's just brilliant! And I didn't realize that the main character's initials were "PC" until he said it.  :lol:

One small thing, just because I'm picky: at times the story shifts from the main character's perspective to one of the other characters. It seems to happen a bit too irregularely to be intentional, and I really think the story would have a better flow without it.

I'm especially thinking about the card game, where I think you could get the same thing across (Eddie feeling superior) by having him talk to himself instead. That's probably not the best of habits for a professional gambler, but it would fit the character and you could avoid the sudden shift.

Thanks, JPS. Glad the "PC" brought a smile to your lips. ;)

Yeah, I confess. It is intentional that the perspective changes as it does and when. In large part because of the card-playing scene. If the purpose of the scene was to show Eddie feeling superior, then I might agree, however, the practical considerations of such a setting/scene dictate that he, er, keep his mouth firmly shut. Plus, the purpose was not to showcase Eddie's arrogance anyway.

Gosh, sorry the flow suffered in the interim.. :( Thanks for your insights! Very much appreciated.

MG

#5 JPS

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Posted 05 April 2004 - 11:34 AM

Well, as I said; I'm picky ;)

Looking forwards to the next part.
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#6 MorningGlory

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Posted 06 April 2004 - 09:16 AM

Well, as I said; I'm picky  ;)

Looking forwards to the next part.

Good for you! We need more discriminating readers! :lol: :lol:

I'm getting ready to post part II of this three-parter, so sharpen that pick and get ready! :D

Thanks, again. ;)

MG

#7 JPS

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Posted 06 April 2004 - 02:39 PM

Well, I didn't mind the shifting point of view this time. It could be because the main character had actually left the building, or it could be because I got my nine hours of sleep last night. :)

I wasn't sure about Jaheira to begin with (probably because Keldorn could patronize her like that and live to tell the tale...), but towards the end she acted more like I expected her to.
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#8 MorningGlory

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 07:08 AM

Well, I didn't mind the shifting point of view this time. It could be because the main character had actually left the building, or it could be because I got my nine hours of sleep last night. :)

I wasn't sure about Jaheira to begin with (probably because Keldorn could patronize her like that and live to tell the tale...), but towards the end she acted more like I expected her to.

Isn't is amazing what a decent night's sleep will do? ;) And, I am envious of your 'nine hours'....

As for Keldorn patronizing Jaheira.... Please keep in mind this is something of an alternate universe that first developed as a lark, so you will not always see the characters 'acting' as they do/would in the game. The interchange between Sheriff Keldorn and Jaheira is more along the lines of the old western b-movies, just as many of the phrases, actions, etc., are lifted directly from that genre. In short? I would recommend that you don't take it too seriously and you may enjoy it more. ;)

MG

#9 Rusalka

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 07:21 AM

Please keep in mind this is something of an alternate universe that first developed as a lark, so you will not always see the characters 'acting' as they do/would in the game.

So will we get to see Mazzy weilding a frying pan at her poor, drunken, hen-pecked husband Korgan? (Sorry, that idea has been haunting my mind ever since I heard they were a couple. :P )
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#10 MorningGlory

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 08:05 AM


Please keep in mind this is something of an alternate universe that first developed as a lark, so you will not always see the characters 'acting' as they do/would in the game.

So will we get to see Mazzy weilding a frying pan at her poor, drunken, hen-pecked husband Korgan? (Sorry, that idea has been haunting my mind ever since I heard they were a couple. :P )

ROFL Well, you have to admit, it would certainly make for a very, very funny scene!! :lol: :lol:

And who knows? Maybe in this universe, Mazzy was able to 'tame' Korgan and that frying pan was just one of the tools that she utilized to do so! :P

And, welcome, Ru!! So VERY nice to see your face here.. Might we be seeing some of your wonderful stories as well???? ;) ;)

MG

#11 JPS

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 08:06 AM

Well, I didn't mind the shifting point of view this time. It could be because the main character had actually left the building, or it could be because I got my nine hours of sleep last night. :)

I wasn't sure about Jaheira to begin with (probably because Keldorn could patronize her like that and live to tell the tale...), but towards the end she acted more like I expected her to.

Isn't is amazing what a decent night's sleep will do? ;) And, I am envious of your 'nine hours'....

As for Keldorn patronizing Jaheira.... Please keep in mind this is something of an alternate universe that first developed as a lark, so you will not always see the characters 'acting' as they do/would in the game. The interchange between Sheriff Keldorn and Jaheira is more along the lines of the old western b-movies, just as many of the phrases, actions, etc., are lifted directly from that genre. In short? I would recommend that you don't take it too seriously and you may enjoy it more. ;)

MG

Don't worry, I'm enjoying it plenty already :)

As for crossovers; the only fanfic I've come close to writing owes a lot to both Raymond Chandler and H. P. Lovecraft, so I'm not put off by non-standard interpretations as such...
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#12 MorningGlory

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 08:13 AM

Well, I didn't mind the shifting point of view this time. It could be because the main character had actually left the building, or it could be because I got my nine hours of sleep last night. :)

I wasn't sure about Jaheira to begin with (probably because Keldorn could patronize her like that and live to tell the tale...), but towards the end she acted more like I expected her to.

Isn't is amazing what a decent night's sleep will do? ;) And, I am envious of your 'nine hours'....

As for Keldorn patronizing Jaheira.... Please keep in mind this is something of an alternate universe that first developed as a lark, so you will not always see the characters 'acting' as they do/would in the game. The interchange between Sheriff Keldorn and Jaheira is more along the lines of the old western b-movies, just as many of the phrases, actions, etc., are lifted directly from that genre. In short? I would recommend that you don't take it too seriously and you may enjoy it more. ;)

MG

Don't worry, I'm enjoying it plenty already :)

As for crossovers; the only fanfic I've come close to writing owes a lot to both Raymond Chandler and H. P. Lovecraft, so I'm not put off by non-standard interpretations as such...

Aw....shucks... I am very glad to hear that you are enjoying it. And, hey, now that you have mentioned it and in legal terms 'opened the door'... How 'bout a look/see of some of that fanfic you mentioned that you have 'nearly' written... ;)

Want to dive in the pool with the rest of us? I promise, I'll be gentle... ;) ;)

MG

#13 Theodur

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Posted 08 April 2004 - 11:13 AM

MG! I once again must use the opportunity to compliment you on this beautiful, beautiful story! :D

And of course, huge thanks for the cameo... for those not familiar with my stories (which would be the majority on this board) - the (currently dishonorable) judge Theodur W. Hickok is a western-version of the protagonist of my ongoing Bhaalspawn saga... B)

I know that some of you might feel pity for him, being dragged outside of the inn by the ear, but don't feel too bad... there's a bright side here - at least he left with the loveliest of the ladies... :wub:

(Hey, this place has a Wub emoticon! Cool!)

#14 MorningGlory

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Posted 08 April 2004 - 06:56 PM

MG! I once again must use the opportunity to compliment you on this beautiful, beautiful story! :D

And of course, huge thanks for the cameo... for those not familiar with my stories (which would be the majority on this board) - the (currently dishonorable) judge Theodur W. Hickok is a western-version of the protagonist of my ongoing Bhaalspawn saga...  B)

I know that some of you might feel pity for him, being dragged outside of the inn by the ear, but don't feel too bad... there's a bright side here - at least he left with the loveliest of the ladies...  :wub:

(Hey, this place has a Wub emoticon! Cool!)

Aww... Thank you Theo. *blush* You are always much too gracious -- but, I'll take it. ;)

As for our honorable (er.. 'dishonorable', as VH so aptly pointed out ;) ) Theodur William Hickok, please thank him for a sterling performance.. :lol: And I want everyone to know that your own Bhaalspawn isn't the drunken womanizer currently portrayed in my little drama. :lol: But hey, Miss Jah is going to change all of that, isn't she?? ;)

And, speaking of your Bhaalspawn... I am reallllly looking forward to seeing your work here, Theo. I know everyone who is not familiar with it is going to get hooked on it just like I did when I first started to read. ;)

Again, thank you, Theo! The third and concluding episode will be up, hopefully soon. :-)

MG

#15 Rusalka

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Posted 23 April 2004 - 05:45 PM

Another wonderful addition, MG! And now it's going to have four parts!

Jahiera certainly straightened Judge Theo out, didn't she? I'm wondering is our Mr. Paris is going to have some competition for her favour. ;)
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#16 MorningGlory

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Posted 23 April 2004 - 06:06 PM

Another wonderful addition, MG! And now it's going to have four parts!

Jahiera certainly straightened Judge Theo out, didn't she? I'm wondering is our Mr. Paris is going to have some competition for her favour. ;)

Thanks, Ru! :D I'm glad you're enjoying my little 'oater' here. The thing just sort of ran away from me... Like one of those stagecoaches careening perilously close to the edge of the cliff after the driver has been shot, and... See, I can't seem to shake the mindset for this thing! :P :P

Yes, four parts, I fear. I tried to chop it, but it screamed violently... :( As for our PC ending up with the girl... Hmmmm....... I guess we will just have to wait and see. ;) ;)

MG

#17 JPS

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Posted 24 April 2004 - 11:40 AM

The third part! Yay! :)

And there will be a fourth part! Yay again! ^_^

With that out of the way, there's a thing that I've been wondering about. You rate it PG-13 for violence, horseplay and language, and I can understand that (wouldn't want children to read about talking animals, now would we?). The first part, however, is only rated for language. I admit that I'm not an expert on your strange American system of ratings, but do you really have to give a warning if you're actually using the word "expletive" as an expletive? :P

(and a somewhat related thought ? is it really necessary to warn about anything else than language in a written story? The only way you can include violence, sex and so on in writing seems to be through language...)
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#18 MorningGlory

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Posted 25 April 2004 - 05:39 AM

The third part! Yay!  :)

And there will be a fourth part! Yay again!  ^_^


And then there will be little oneshots and a two-parter on occasion. ;) That is, if you keep reading them. ;) ;)

With that out of the way, there's a thing that I've been wondering about. You rate it PG-13 for violence, horseplay and language, and I can understand that (wouldn't want children to read about talking animals, now would we?). The first part, however, is only rated for language. I admit that I'm not an expert on your strange American system of ratings, but do you really have to give a warning if you're actually using the word "expletive" as an expletive?  :P


There is another board that asks for such disclaimers in a similarly organized fashion, and I was so accustomed to providing such in that type of format, I just continued to do it. It is loosely based on our U.S. movie rating standards - G, PG-13, NC-17, R-17, and X. And the rating for language in Episode 1 was for the 'damns', 'bastard', and a couple of 'son-of-a-bitch's, if I am not mistaken. Here that would rate a PG-13, or a TV14 by television standards. I find it funny that I can put in a singular word -- expletive -- and we all know it for what it is, but it more than adequately 'skirts' the issue.

(and a somewhat related thought ? is it really necessary to warn about anything else than language in a written story? The only way you can include violence, sex and so on in writing seems to be through language...)


Well, here, 'language' refers to cursing in particular. I, for one, wouldn't want to offend someone's sensibilities by having them read something they might find disturbing because I didn't put up a disclaimer as to my story's content. For example, in my final episode of Bad Day, Jaheira testifies to the shooting and near-rape. It is very explicit and not very pretty. I would not want my readers to not realize that before they engage in the story, so it will carry a strong warning label. ;)

Did any of that make sense?? :D :D

And, JPS... Thank you, as always... I am so glad you like my little oater... And, I owe you a pm.. ;) ;)

MG

#19 Beyshaliban

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Posted 25 April 2004 - 05:58 AM

It's wonderful! I LOVE it!

You are aware that you laid out for a couple spin-offs? ;)

Please tell me, that you're going to write them... :D

Bey

#20 MorningGlory

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Posted 25 April 2004 - 06:03 AM

It's wonderful! I LOVE it!

You are aware that you laid out for a couple spin-offs? ;)

Please tell me, that you're going to write them... :D

Bey

Well, of course I am!! :D Going to write those stories that are hinted at... ;)

And, thank you, my friend.. Glad you like my little dose of western non-culture.. :lol: :lol:

MG