9 replies to this topic

[SimDing0]

Okay, so after being convinced that a line I saw on the forum that I wasn't able to understand at all never made it into the mod, I resolved to download and give a bit of feedback after a brief look through. Therefore, some random points in no real order...


BSC#Hub.d:

You're using See and StateCheck for banter checks, which is nice, but what about invisibility, especially with Staff of the Magi? I'd also throw a silence check in there for a good measure, although a combination of various other StateChecks might be worthwhile.

... is generally preferable to . . . as far as ellipses go. Bioware used both, so I can't argue too strongly, but all it takes is a mass find/replace, and the former does look better.

Are the journal entries working properly (title only displayed in battle text, etc.)? Bioware have two carriage returns between the title and main text, but hey, if it's working with one...

SAY ~*singing* You can bugger the bear if ye do it with care, in the Winter when he is asleep in his lair, thouh Ah would not advise it in Spring or in Fall, but the Hedgehog can never be 

buggered at all!~ [SC#Hub48]

- I'm fairly sure descriptions go in brackets, not asterisks. Asterisks are used to indicate emphasis by Bioware.
- Pretty sure Spring and Fall are not seasons in the Realms. If I'm right, that's gonna void the voicing.
- "Ah" is odd. At first I wondered why it was capitalised. Then I realised and thought it shouldn't be. Then I noticed that it'd still look weird either way.
- This song is just... shockingly silly. I was expecting some less-than-serious stuff in the mod, obviosuly, but... whoa.

SAY ~Eh? Ah didnae realize ye were listenin? mah <LADYLORD>. That was one of the great traditional songs of the Ogg family ...

Whatever it may sound like, this looks very weird in writing to me. There's a very strong accent in the first part, but then no evidence of anything at all in the second. I personally feel that while it's improved since the posted dialogue, you're still overdoing the phonetic spelling at times.

++ ~No.~ + PCHub_4

On the whole, it looks like you're getting a good range of dialogue responses across, but I'd discourage one-worders. It doesn't look right.

== IMOEN2J ~Does it? *grins*~
== BSC#Hub ~Ah. . . Hey, look! Ah foun' some rock candy still in me pack! Ye wan' a little before supper?~
== IMOEN2J ~Yes, please. *still grinning*~

- I don't think it's necessary to give regular updates on the state of Imoen's face. It's better just to let the dialogue convey her mood than have *still grinning*.
- I'm also uncertain as to whether rock candy is appropriate to the FR setting. I've been convinced that it's no more high-tech than Kelsey's ice-cream, but...

= ~. . . Ah blew on it twice fer luck an? finally tasted it. . . ~
= ~. . .~

That's a lot of pausing. I don't think it's really necessary to tell us nothing's happenning, especially with a line of its own.

Global("PCKeepOwner","LOCALS",1) //PC must have the keep as stronghold.

Spot the coding error. Yeh, it should be "GLOBAL". That's twice now that a variable has been checked in the wrong area... might be worth having a closer look through.

== BANOMEN ~Accepted. Forgive me if I seem defensive. It would seem that it is popular these days to criticize my manner of speech, and indeed my manner in general.~

== BANOMEN ~Can I still tell you how I killed twelve giants?~

Do I really need to say anything about the wall-breaking here?


SC#HubQuest.d:

The 3rd response option (the CAPS LOCK one) in every state isn't really appropriate. You're not offering options like that anywhere else, and neither is the rest of the game. PC options should be more generalised and restrained, on the whole, although the occasional slightly sillier one isn't out of place.

== SC#GT2 ~Grrrrrr! *Jumps off bench*~

Point about asterisks vs brackets, and it'd probably be better to use full sentences (I actually recall a longer one about handkerchieves which should definitely have been, but I can't find it now).
Does this even work in context, though? Because *Jumps off bench* is going to be somewhat random if there's not a bench in sight. I'd suggest not overdoing actions, because jumping off a bench probably doesn't further the dialogue that much.

Honorable Brotherhood of Teamsters Local 14597

...no Fourth Wall breakers?

SAY ~Oh, I wouldn?t know anything about that! The girls here are all but simple women between the ages of sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this tavern with no one to entertain us! Oh, it is a lonely life, bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear... We are just not used to kind and generous adventurers.~

I'm told this is a Casino Royale line. I feel no further comment is necessary.

Sweet Fanny Adams

Well I certainly know what it means, which probably isn't a good sign as far as wall-breaking goes.

+ ~Global("SC#HubPlot","GLOBALS",3)~ + ~Yes sir. I was wondering if I could ask you some questions?~ + Aegis_2

"GLOBALS"?

DO ~SetGlobal("SC#HubPlot","GLOBAL",6) AddexperienceParty(25000) DestroyItem("SC#HuGl")
EraseJournalEntry(@1)
EraseJournalEntry(@2)
EraseJournalEntry(@3)
EraseJournalEntry(@4)
EraseJournalEntry(@5)~

I'm suspicious. Are you erasing a load of quest entries without providing a Done Quests counterpart?


Miscellaneous:

- His portrait isn't terribly Bioware, but that doesn't bother most mods. If it worries you, pretty much front-on, and no trees in the background is the way to go.
- I spy "Durring" in the TP2.
- Is "smeg" really a word we hear on a regular basis in the Realms?
- In the biography string, the characters name goes in all-caps.


... and that's me done for now.

Edited by SimDing0, 29 July 2004 - 04:16 PM.

[SConrad]

Firstly, thank you very much for the feedback, Sim. We appreciate it a lot.

But keep in mind this is the beta, not the final release...

You're using See and StateCheck for banter checks, which is nice, but what about invisibility, especially with Staff of the Magi? I'd also throw a silence check in there for a good measure, although a combination of various other StateChecks might be worthwhile.

You're right, of course. But how far is it necessary to go, then? I mean, you could easily throw in a dozen checks, the question is which ones are important.

... is generally preferable to . . . as far as ellipses go. Bioware used both, so I can't argue too strongly, but all it takes is a mass find/replace, and the former does look better.

We've discussed this in the Workroom. Bob firstly used . . ., and I changed it all to ... . When Bob later went through that whole file, he made some corrections.

Are the journal entries working properly (title only displayed in battle text, etc.)? Bioware have two carriage returns between the title and main text, but hey, if it's working with one...

As a matter of fact, they are.

- I'm fairly sure descriptions go in brackets, not asterisks. Asterisks are used to indicate emphasis by Bioware.
- Pretty sure Spring and Fall are not seasons in the Realms. If I'm right, that's gonna void the voicing.
- "Ah" is odd. At first I wondered why it was capitalised. Then I realised and thought it shouldn't be. Then I noticed that it'd still look weird either way.
- This song is just... shockingly silly. I was expecting some less-than-serious stuff in the mod, obviosuly, but... whoa.

This is Bob's department. The song is for comic relief. You should hear notmrt sing it.

Whatever it may sound like, this looks very weird in writing to me. There's a very strong accent in the first part, but then no evidence of anything at all in the second. I personally feel that while it's improved since the posted dialogue, you're still overdoing the phonetic spelling at times.

The use of accent is up and down the whole mod, due to diffrent writers. Bob hasn't had time to check every single word of writing.

- I don't think it's necessary to give regular updates on the state of Imoen's face. It's bettspellholdstudios.neter just to let the dialogue convey her mood than have *still grinning*.
- I'm also uncertain as to whether rock candy is appropriate to the FR setting. I've been convinced that it's no more high-tech than Kelsey's ice-cream, but...

Se the last answer.

That's a lot of pausing. I don't think it's really necessary to tell us nothing's happenning, especially with a line of its own.

I agree.

Spot the coding error. Yeh, it should be "GLOBAL". That's twice now that a variable has been checked in the wrong area... might be worth having a closer look through.

You actually can't find a GLOBAL anywhere in that file. I had a momentary lapse of insanity and did a mass find/replace. Don't ask me why. All GLOBAL's were replaced with LOCALS'. The file was correct, and I screwed it up.

Do I really need to say anything about the wall-breaking here?

The 3rd response option (the CAPS LOCK one) in every state isn't really appropriate. You're not offering options like that anywhere else, and neither is the rest of the game. PC options should be more generalised and restrained, on the whole, although the occasional slightly sillier one isn't out of place.

Point about asterisks vs brackets, and it'd probably be better to use full sentences (I actually recall a longer one about handkerchieves which should definitely have been, but I can't find it now).
Does this even work in context, though? Because *Jumps off bench* is going to be somewhat random if there's not a bench in sight. I'd suggest not overdoing actions, because jumping off a bench probably doesn't further the dialogue that much.

I'm told this is a Casino Royale line. I feel no further comment is necessary.

Well I certainly know what it means, which probably isn't a good sign as far as wall-breaking goes.

Bob's department.

"GLOBALS"?

My department.

Oops.

Typo.

I'm suspicious. Are you erasing a load of quest entries without providing a Done Quests counterpart?

WeiDU didn't like me at that particular moment, so the done quest-entry is added through the area-script. It's there, but not in the dlg.

- His portrait isn't terribly Bioware, but that doesn't bother most mods. If it worries you, pretty much front-on, and no trees in the background is the way to go.

I'm suspicious. Have we complained?

- I spy "Durring" in the TP2.

Must be a typo. It's the description of the horn.

- Is "smeg" really a word we hear on a regular basis in the Realms?

Bob's department.

- In the biography string, the characters name goes in all-caps.

Thanks. We'll fix that.

... and that's me done for now.

I'd be very disappointed if you didn't return.

[BobTokyo]

... is generally preferable to . . . as far as ellipses go. Bioware used both, so I can't argue too strongly, but all it takes is a mass find/replace, and the former does look better.

". . ." is correct. "..." is incorrect, but common in electronic communication.

- I'm fairly sure descriptions go in brackets, not asterisks. Asterisks are used to indicate emphasis by Bioware.
- Pretty sure Spring and Fall are not seasons in the Realms. If I'm right, that's gonna void the voicing.
- "Ah" is odd. At first I wondered why it was capitalised. Then I realised and thought it shouldn't be. Then I noticed that it'd still look weird either way.
- This song is just... shockingly silly. I was expecting some less-than-serious stuff in the mod, obviosuly, but... whoa.

"Ah" is part of the accent, replacing "I". More on that below. If silly songs are a problem for you, you might want to opt for another mod.

The descriptions issue is more important, and I may change it. I picked up the asterics when proofreading for the BG1NPC project; I may switch to brackets for consistency with the Bioware NPCs.

Whatever it may sound like, this looks very weird in writing to me. There's a very strong accent in the first part, but then no evidence of anything at all in the second. I personally feel that while it's improved since the posted dialogue, you're still overdoing the phonetic spelling at times.

The use of accent is up and down the whole mod, due to diffrent writers. Bob hasn't had time to check every single word of writing.

Actually I have checked every single word of writing; I wrote or re-wrote most of it. I am willing to take another crack at it however; the accent is inconsistent, mainly because I was playing it up more in the earlier dialogs. I will clarify it a bit more, but I don't plan to drop it completely or switch to the strange semi-middle English thing Bioware does.

- I'm also uncertain as to whether rock candy is appropriate to the FR setting. I've been convinced that it's no more high-tech than Kelsey's ice-cream, but...

Shakespeare mentions rock candy in Heny the IV, act 3 scene 2. I considered calling it sugar candy, but then people would complain that they didn't know what Hubelpot was talking about.

I'd say that Teamster's Local 14597 should be changed to "Loyal Brotherhood of Teamsters". The other 4th wall problems aren't.

And it's from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, though there may be something similar in Cassino Royale. I have no problem with that.

Thanks for the feedback; it was helpful.

[BobTokyo]

Bravo.

Still, I think this would be better suited for the Viconia Relationship Mod.



I would absolutely be interested in a Monty Python Jansen Banter.

[Userunfriendly]

Bravo.

Still, I think this would be better suited for the Viconia Relationship Mod.



I would absolutely be interested in a Monty Python Jansen Banter.

Jan: You know, dear sweet lassie, those idiots remind me of my nephew Dufus Janssen. He was poor laddie, the most backward gnome you would ever meet. He would try to drink beer with his ear, because he kinda had problems when he was a child with his Mr. Turnip Head. Poor laddie always got the mouth and ears confused. Anyway, he and his Brother Bart Janssen, poor laddie was about as backward as Dufus...got into their noggins the notion of being bandits! So they got some dwarven platemail, and started robbing people on the Trademeet road. Now you understand that to a fighting gnome, the best target against the taller races is the knees and feet and toes, right lassie? This is why the traditional gnomish warcry is "Your knees are mine!!!" Poor Dufus and Bart never did have a way with words, so they would shorten the war cry when they robbed people. So they became "The Gnomes who say Knee!"

Nalia: Urm, so what did they steal? I mean I don't remember any reports of bandits along the Trademeet road recently...

Jan: Well, Dufus, I told you he was backwards, didn't I, lassie? Well, he somehow developed a taste for ornamental flora. He used to resemble a goat when he started to chew on evergreen trees and small bushes. So he and his brother demanded shrubbery from their victims. Poor laddie, it finally did him in. He died happier than a dung beetle in a dragon lair when he hijacked a huge shipment of shrubbery imported from tethry for the Jesslev estate. Sad story...

----------------------------------------------------

Hendak gave the party some of Lethian's loot, including a nice suit of platemail that Jaheira claimed immediately. So the party decided to sell some of their loot from De' Arnise hold tomorrow, and visit the dwarf Cromwell in the docks to get the suit fitted for Jaheira. Then take a look at the government district. The party settled down on comfortable chairs, eating their supper, since by now it was dusk. And to drink, of course.

Hendak sat with them, still trying to adjust to finally being free. He told the party about his former life in the highlands of the north, where he herded reindeer and mooses in the frozen fields of the Icewinds of Dale. He spoke of his guard moose, Anargh, and how he and his sons depended on the trained and intelligent moose to act like a guard dog.

Jan: You know, my sister was bit by a moose once....

Party: JAN!!!

He was pelted by bacon rinds and small bones.

------------------------------------------------------

Jan: So we are off to raise some cash to save the lassie, eh? What a fine company to do it in, too. Well, except for the stakes being your sister, I remember the last time we raced the clock to raise a tidy sum to be sent to hopefully bail out my uncle's buisness. You see, my uncle Buford Janssen ran the family's most lucrative buisness. The Swallow Express!!!spellholdstudios.netspellholdstudios.netspellholdstudios.netspellholdstudios.netspellholdstudios.netspellholdstudios.net You see, there is this special rare breed of turnip that resides over the sea in Kuran-Tur. The Trufflenip!!! This rare type of turnip is so rare and so highly prized by the gnomish palate, thousands of gnomes every year make the long trip overseas to eat it the short time it grows, and the rest is pickled and sold at fabulous price here in Amn. Or anywhere gnomes are found. Now uncle Buford had a good friend, named Dr. Donothing, a human, who claimed he could talk to the animals! As mad as a hatter, but he could control swallows. A most unusual power for a human. Well, uncle Buford knew that the Athlankian Swallow heads to Kuran-Tur for the winter, and once they arrive they become the Kuran-Turian swallows until summer comes around again. Then, they get back to Athlanka, aided by the seasonal winds. So he got the bright idea of having the swallows carry Trufflenips on small packs tied to their back, and thus sell fresh trufflenips in Amn, and the sword coast. We all knew this would be a winner, so the entire family invested. I naturally joined an adventuring band to do some quick gold. Unfortunately the buisness fell through after a while....You see, it all had to do with airspeed velocity. What is the airspeed Velocity of a Trufflenip laden swallow?

Nalia: Athlankian, or Kuran-Turian?

Jan: Oh, I don't know, but it didn't matter, you see the poor dears with the extra weight couldn't outrun the seasonal typhoons...drowned, every one.

The party decided to go to the Copper Coronet to drink many many drinks.


:turnip: :turnip2: :^^:

[BobTokyo]

Very nice, all of it.

If I can think of a way to include Hub, the first banter may make it in.

[Userunfriendly]

Very nice, all of it.

If I can think of a way to include Hub, the first banter may make it in.

just change nalia to hubble...

i like to use nalia for my straight man when i write comedy, since i think she would be perfect, with that serious deadpan expression..

but hubble should do just as well...

i sure got a lot of stuff written...

http://www.shsforums...?showtopic=7317

:nana:

here's my other monty python/jan jansen insanity...

I wanna be a Paladin!!!

Jan Jansen: Oh, woe is me, I hate my life! Bugger this pitiful life of mine, as a thief-illusionist! Sod it! I want to be a....a....Paladin!

Jan Jansen: Oh, I'm a Paladin, and I'm okay,
I snore all night and I smite all day.

Shadow Thieves: He's a Paladin, and he's okay,
He snores all night and he smites all day.

Jan Jansen: I smite stinky orcs, I eat my lunch,
I go to the Outhouse.
If I'm out in the wide wilderness,
I just use a furry mouse.

Shadow Thieves: He smites stinky orcs, he eats his lunch,
He goes to the Outhouse.
If he's out in the wide wilderness,
He just uses a furry mouse.

Jan Jansen: I smite stinky orcs, I skip and jump,
I like to polish my stuff.
I put on ladies's clothing,
And watch other knights scream and huff.

Shadow Thieves: He smites stinky orcs, he skips and jumps,
He likes to polish his stuff.
He puts on women's clothing
And watch other knights scream and huff???????

Jan Jansen: I smite stinky orcs, I wear high heels,
Panties and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa.

Shadow Thieves: He smites stinky orcs, he wears high heels
Panties and a .... a Bra????

Aerie(crying): I thought you were so rugged!
:^^: :^^: :^^:

can't you just imagine notmrt singing this bit??? to keldorn??? :bash: :turnip2:

Edited by Userunfriendly, 19 August 2004 - 12:51 PM.

[Userunfriendly]

or this song...

i can just imagine notmrt singing this little ditty...

----------------

Every Turnip is sacred.
Every Turnip is great.
If a Turnip is wasted,
Jan gets quite irate.

Every Turnip is sacred.
Every Turnip is great.
If a Turnip is wasted,
Jan gets quite irate.

Let the griffins spit theirs
Out on the dusty ground.
Jan shall make them pay for
Each turnip that can't be found.

Every turnip is wanted.
Every turnip is good.
Every turnip is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Cynric, Sharian, Lolithian,
Toss theirs just anywhere,
But Jan loves those who treat their
Roots with a lot more care.

Every Turnip is sacred.
Every Turnip is great.
If a Turnip is wasted,
Jan gets quite irate.

Every turnip is wanted.
Every turnip is good.
Every turnip is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Every turnip is useful.
Every turnip is fine.
Jan wants everybody's,
eaten before they start to slime!

Let the Pagan toss theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.
Jan shall strike them down for
Each turnip that rots in vain.

Every turnip is wanted.
Every turnip is good.
Every turnip is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Every Turnip is sacred.
Every Turnip is great.
If a Turnip is wasted,
Jan gets quite irate.

:^^: :^^: :^^:

[fallen_demon]

unuserfriendly, why don't they want to build a bridge out of Viconia in that first one.