Veldrin was the name taken by the PC in Underdark, but Adalon claimed she had killed the party from Chad Nesad (sp?) and that was why you could take the identity so easily.
perhaps Veldrin's house has been empowered by someone who's not too happy with Cyreth. Cyric himself, maybe?
i like your chapter 2, but you seem to be relying on some shock tactics. By that I mean "This happened, then this happened, that was weird, suddenly...etc. etc." i'd love to see you vary the pace with some detailed description, because i certainly think you're capable of it. As Cyreth runs down the stairs, for example;
"
As the Bhaalspawn reached the bottom of the staircase, she was halted in her tracks at the sight before her. Old friends always seemed so much more.......alive when you see them outside of memories. The slender figure crowded the doorway as if it was her own, not the entrance to the house of a righteous paladin. Maria stepped back, emotion etched onto her face the Cyreth could not read. It was not fear, for Cyreth had seen that in all its forms. It was more amazment that such a reviled creature could be so bold in the city of coin.
The woman in the doorway shook her head slightly and her hood slipped away, revealed a shock of silver hair, flowing down her back like a river. The simple golden circlet that held it back from her face was well worn, as were her robes, which evidently had seen better days. However, the overgarments revealed a much more ornate, and closer fitting, dress. The provocative slit down the middle exposed just enough breast for her to attract attention to herself.
Her skin, the hue of opals glowed as if it was in moonlight. Clearly her beauty was as powerful as it was exotic. However, the mace hanging at her side hinted at the dark side that Cyreth knew extremely well.
"Viconia!"
"Cyreth!" the drow cried with some relief"
I really enjoy the way you write, but i'm a detail hound, so apologies if it sounds like i'm criticising.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Is that an invitation my lady?” Dirk raised his eyebrow roguishly.
“It certainly is, my master bard,” Cyreth grinned back just as roguishly. i like the dialogue here, but i really don't like the repeated use of rogueishly. it's great in the first instance, but i can't help feeling a synonym to describe Cyreth's reaction rather than the repetition would be better. Maybe "Cyreth's grin reflecting his expression" or "Cyreth grinned back, just as playfully"
With the aid of MS Word, i actually found some synonyms
- mischievously
- naughtily
- impishly
My, my, my, been busy have we? Very intersting start! Can't wait to see more!
Perhaps "washes over"?
