91 replies to this topic

[DalreïDal]

Dominate then dispel? Well, that would make sense but eh. Anyway.

Hey Shadowhawke. Back on track (and on-topic), I liked your last chapter. It's always a bit destabilizing when the narrator switches like that, but his once it wasn't hard to guess and I actually liked you "I" narration. It was nice to be inside her head and you made a good job out of Minsc. Go on

[Shadowhawke]

I'm glad both of you two defied my expectations, then. . I admit that it can be disorienting at times to jump from first-person to third-person narratives, but I thought that in that case it was well worth it. I hope I'm correct (and lucky, WeeRLegion ).

Thanks to both of you for commenting. . And I'm glad that I managed to portray Minsc the way I wanted him to >.<. I was afraid I'd gone a little bit too over the top, there.

[WeeRLegion]

Of course you are lucky! You've got me reading your works, have you not?!

...

Hrm...

[Shadowhawke]

Of course you are lucky! You've got me reading your works, have you not?!

...

Hrm...

. Yes, I am indeed lucky to have such good constructive criticism-givers. . Thanks to all of you again.

[Erephine]

Wow... sorry for the late comment.

As always, your characters are wonderfully written, which makes your stories really come alive. It's flowing very well when it comes to dialogue and descriptions and it definitely makes me look very much forward to where the plot leads! I agree with what the others have said, the changes from canon do make things a bit more 'realistic'.

I also liked the poetry at each chapter - I feel they really add to the mood of the story. (but you know I have a soft spot for that, so I might be a bit biased ^^)

And as to Glaicas... I *heard* you were supposed to be able to, and I *tried* heaps of times, but I never could manage to do it; I charmed him once but then the dialogue didn't come up, unfortunately.

Yes... I discovered pretty much accidentally that he could be saved, back when I played, so I know it's possible. I don't remember quite well though, anymore so I'm not sure. I *think* I simply charmed him and then let it wear off (instead of dispelling). Could that be?

Oh, and specifically on the latest chapter: So true, so true.

Edited by Erephine, 11 June 2006 - 12:21 AM.

[DalreïDal]

Males and their maleness!!!! Only a girl can write things like that!!!!!!!!!!! Mwahahahaha!!!!!!

*Ahem* As you can probably tell, I liked your "male encounter" pretty much. Your Yoshimo was nice too. I hope we hear more of your Cormir and Nika soon. Now that exams are over, you have no more excuses

I'm especially curious about Cormir's past. I guess we'll know more about that in future chapters to come... You have the trick to describe the characters' feelings without revealing too much about them. You're nice to read.

[Shadowhawke]

Wow... sorry for the late comment.

As always, your characters are wonderfully written, which makes your stories really come alive. It's flowing very well when it comes to dialogue and descriptions and it definitely makes me look very much forward to where the plot leads! I agree with what the others have said, the changes from canon do make things a bit more 'realistic'.

Don't apologise for the late comment, thanks for commenting at all. . And it's great that you guys seem to be liking the changes from canon, because I'm always slightly worried that changing it might make it worse.

I also liked the poetry at each chapter - I feel they really add to the mood of the story. (but you know I have a soft spot for that, so I might be a bit biased ^^)

Heh, I'm glad you like it. . I wasn't sure if they added to the mood, so it's good to know that it does. .

Yes... I discovered pretty much accidentally that he could be saved, back when I played, so I know it's possible. I don't remember quite well though, anymore so I'm not sure. I *think* I simply charmed him and then let it wear off (instead of dispelling). Could that be?

Really? I should try that next time. >.<;;

Oh, and specifically on the latest chapter: So true, so true.

Males and their maleness!!!! Only a girl can write things like that!!!!!!!!!!! Mwahahahaha!!!!!!

. I'm glad you two liked it so much . A lot of my friends are guys, so I see stuff like that quite a lot, which is why I thought it'd be entertaining to throw it in.

*Ahem* As you can probably tell, I liked your "male encounter" pretty much. Your Yoshimo was nice too. I hope we hear more of your Cormir and Nika soon. Now that exams are over, you have no more excuses

Yep, no more excuses. . The next chapter should be up fairly soon. I hope that I haven't overdone Cormin? I might have laid it on a bit too heavy... >.<;;

I'm especially curious about Cormir's past. I guess we'll know more about that in future chapters to come... You have the trick to describe the characters' feelings without revealing too much about them. You're nice to read.

Heh, thank you. . That's really good to hear, especially since the blow to my frail ego when I realised Starlight was near unreadable has contributed majorly to my writer's block on that one.

Thanks to the both of you for reviewing.

[DalreïDal]

Yep, no more excuses. . The next chapter should be up fairly soon. I hope that I haven't overdone Cormin? I might have laid it on a bit too heavy... >.<;;

Well, that kind of character is pretty touchy. The fact that you're kind of heavy on a character means you have to go on being so heavy, otherwise the reader gets a feeling like his whole personality just changes. I found that I usually lacked courage to write that sort of character. You have to either go one being so heavy all the while or change it so progressively and with such good explanations and all that it's very difficult. So far you've done everything fine with him, and I think being in-party will give him a chance to "lighten" a bit without losing his touch.

Errr... if that made any sense.

Anyway, I liked your last chapter. I thank you for the occasion to live through someone else my excrutiating frustration at Valen. (No, tiefling, not you ;-p) It was good to see someone finally give her what she deserves... as they say, don't kill the messenger, but she's not really dead, is she? A puff of smoke, a quiet night and *poof* she'll be there again... I do hope your party will deal with the vampires once and for all

And again, I hope to see more of Cormin & cie later on

[Shadowhawke]

Well, that kind of character is pretty touchy. The fact that you're kind of heavy on a character means you have to go on being so heavy, otherwise the reader gets a feeling like his whole personality just changes. I found that I usually lacked courage to write that sort of character. You have to either go one being so heavy all the while or change it so progressively and with such good explanations and all that it's very difficult. So far you've done everything fine with him, and I think being in-party will give him a chance to "lighten" a bit without losing his touch.

Thanks. It's good to know I haven't been overdoing it. He *is* a touchy character at that, and it can be quite frustrating having him in my head dictating to me as a write. No, I'm not schizophrenic, but Cormin gets a little too real at times . And yes, I'm hoping that he'll be able to lighten a bit in the party, hopefully without negative side effects.

Errr... if that made any sense.

Anyway, I liked your last chapter. I thank you for the occasion to live through someone else my excrutiating frustration at Valen. (No, tiefling, not you ;-p) It was good to see someone finally give her what she deserves... as they say, don't kill the messenger, but she's not really dead, is she? A puff of smoke, a quiet night and *poof* she'll be there again... I do hope your party will deal with the vampires once and for all

And again, I hope to see more of Cormin & cie later on

Heh, thanks. Truth be told, Valen always irritated the heck out of me, I think it could have been her manner . The next chapter's coming soon, I've just been busy rewriting and playing around with things. Hopefully it will be worth the wait. . As always, thanks for the feedback.

[DalreïDal]

Well, I know all too well what inspiration is like... and your last chapter was good. Worth the wait. And a bit shoooooooooooort :'-(

Your description of Danika, how she deals with the taint and how she feels afterwards, was very very good. And your Cormin keeps getting better. Fighting off for control... very promising.

[Shadowhawke]

Well, I know all too well what inspiration is like... and your last chapter was good. Worth the wait. And a bit shoooooooooooort :'-(

Heh. Was it really? Sorry, I'll try to make the next ones a bit longer. I'm glad you enjoyed it. . I had fun writing that chapter, so yeah. Initially, I meant to have Cormin and Danika at each others' throats by the end of it, but I decided this way was more realistic and fun.

Your description of Danika, how she deals with the taint and how she feels afterwards, was very very good. And your Cormin keeps getting better. Fighting off for control... very promising.

Thanks. . I always thought that, alright, while the Child of Bhaal *is* supposed to be a vessel for murder, anyone even with divine blood running through their veins would be affected by how much death goes on. And children already traumatised by slavers aren't likely going to be running to them. Kids have startlingly accurate intuition sometimes.

I'm also glad (man, I sound like a broken record ) that you liked the interaction between the two. . Danika and Cormin have suddenly become very dear to me as characters, which is quite unprecedented, but fun, nevertheless. I hope it's still being realistic though.

Thanks again for the comments, DalreiDal

[DalreïDal]

I can't believe this is up since the 15th and no one's commented yet... As for myself, due to unbearable canicule over here, I recently moved my computer to the basement, where I have no internet access, so it took me a few days before I had the time to read the chapter at job before I begin my day. Really, I have a true excuse!!!

As usual, your new chapter is quite good, with excellent characterization of everyone. And I do mean, everyone.

Gah, this is going to be a dull review, but that's about everything I've got to say... I hope it's still better than nothing?

[Shadowhawke]

I can't believe this is up since the 15th and no one's commented yet... As for myself, due to unbearable canicule over here, I recently moved my computer to the basement, where I have no internet access, so it took me a few days before I had the time to read the chapter at job before I begin my day. Really, I have a true excuse!!!

Thanks, DalreiDal . *pat, pat* over the moving to the basement... unless it's better there? And yes, you truly have a good excuse, so thank you very much for taking the time to review!

As usual, your new chapter is quite good, with excellent characterization of everyone. And I do mean, everyone.

Gah, this is going to be a dull review, but that's about everything I've got to say... I hope it's still better than nothing?

Heh, that doesn't matter, it's not dull at all. . I'm glad about the comment on characterisations, because that's something I've been worrying about. I know I portrayed Cormin/Geraint as a bit of a comic relief in the second chapter and maybe even a few more than that, but he really is supposed to be the dark, mysterious type, and I hope that's getting across.

Anyway, this is most definitely better than nothing. . Thanks again for reviewing, my friend. . It kind of encourages me to post faster... *coughs*

[DalreïDal]

Yep, it's much cooler in the basement. It's actually around 20 C, while it's about 27-29 C up on the second floor. The only disadvantage of the basement is the lack of internet access, but that's not too bad. I can use the net at work or on my cousin's computer when she's not there (she can't move to the basement, because she has no room there, and she's funnily jealous ).

Well, maybe you feel like you've painted Geraint/Cormin as a comic relief, but it's clearly *à son corps défendant* well, utterly in spite of himself. So he's still dark and mysterious and dangerous (and a bit worrying when he's got that glitter in the eyes when he kills people *shivers*). So yeah... can you post faster now?

[Shadowhawke]

Yep, it's much cooler in the basement. It's actually around 20 C, while it's about 27-29 C up on the second floor. The only disadvantage of the basement is the lack of internet access, but that's not too bad. I can use the net at work or on my cousin's computer when she's not there (she can't move to the basement, because she has no room there, and she's funnily jealous ).

Heh, that's good. In the light of the temperature difference, I can see why you chose to move down to the basement.

Well, maybe you feel like you've painted Geraint/Cormin as a comic relief, but it's clearly *à son corps défendant* well, utterly in spite of himself. So he's still dark and mysterious and dangerous (and a bit worrying when he's got that glitter in the eyes when he kills people *shivers*). So yeah... can you post faster now?

Oh, I'm glad he's come across like that. He is, in reality, quite a frightening character. Especially when he's inside my head . But yes... I'm sorry for being so slow with my updates. All of my Year 12 Internal Assessments are due in in the next few weeks, so I'm afraid I won't be posting at my normal rate. I'm awfully sorry, but there shall be plenty of updates once the pressure is off.

[Shadowhawke]

Just giving this a bump in case any one is kind enough to give me a review on the new chapter.

[Neferit]

You know, I think that this part is little misleading (but as I know myself, I'm maybe just uncomprehending)

Quickly pulling on his normal attire; black on black on silver, he walked quietly out the door, across the tired corridor, and down the stairs.

Double black on silver?


Part with Lilarcor was just like in the game - if Lilarcor (as a person, not as a sword) stood beside me, I would kill him myself I really disliked when he begun to shout his nonsenses

And the weight of geas on Yoshimo's shoulders... eeek! O wouldn't want be on his place

Oh and little question (maybe answered but I'm too lazy find it myself ) - the poetry on beginning of chapters is yours?

Edited by Neferit, 31 August 2006 - 12:24 PM.

[Shadowhawke]

You know, I think that this part is little misleading (but as I know myself, I'm maybe just uncomprehending)

Quickly pulling on his normal attire; black on black on silver, he walked quietly out the door, across the tired corridor, and down the stairs.

Double black on silver?

Oh, with that I meant a black top, black pants, and most likely silver trimmings. It was more of a literary device... I was trying to highlight how... unusually cliched it was, I guess . I can understand why you were confused though.

Part with Lilarcor was just like in the game - if Lilarcor (as a person, not as a sword) stood beside me, I would kill him myself I really disliked when he begun to shout his nonsenses

And the weight of geas on Yoshimo's shoulders... eeek! O wouldn't want be on his place

Heh, Lilarcor does tend to be either a love-him-or-hate-him-sentient-being, doesn't he? . And yes... I always thought the weight of the geas on Yoshimo's shoulders was rather underdone in the game. . Hopefully I've managed to portray it realistically here.

Oh and little question (maybe answered but I'm too lazy find it myself ) - the poetry on beginning of chapters is yours?

Heh, fair enough. Yes, the poetry is mine.

Thanks for commenting

[DalreïDal]

Hello again Shadowhawke. I know I rather disappeared there for a while, but eh, I'm back now I just read the 3 last updates on your story, and I must say I still like it. Your Jaheira is just so good, and your two original characters are fascinating. Yoshimo is quite well-portrayed too. You manage to make the eel likeable.

So since I have nothing specific to pick on I'll just drop in a little encouragement. Are you going to post again soon?

[Shadowhawke]

Hello again Shadowhawke. I know I rather disappeared there for a while, but eh, I'm back now I just read the 3 last updates on your story, and I must say I still like it. Your Jaheira is just so good, and your two original characters are fascinating. Yoshimo is quite well-portrayed too. You manage to make the eel likeable.

So since I have nothing specific to pick on I'll just drop in a little encouragement. Are you going to post again soon?

Welcome back, DalreiDal. I'm sorry it took me so long to see this >.<;;. I'm glad you like Jaheira, because I must say I'm quite happy with the way her character turned out in this story. . I didn't know you didn't like Yoshimo though. I've always found him rather likeable, I must admit. Perhaps it's the whole "You never know what mousetraps await our toes in the dark!" attitude he has. .

Thanks for your encouragement . And yes, I'm finally going to post some more now, thanks. .