44 replies to this topic

[TC Dale]

Love the second half. The way you painted the darkness of the situation and emphasised it without even giving us the talk with Ellesime was very well done. Imoen's reaction was also inspired, and in line with everything else you've done.

Just one little nitpick in terms of grammar; 'A single man, driven mad by anger and desperation, and brought the elven city to its knees' - should probably be 'had brought the elven city'.

Other than that, a very sweet romantic scene at the end that provided a counterpoint to Cassie's grim news. I'm interested to see how the second half of that unfolds!

Hi there!

Glad that you enjoyed it You're indeed right about the grammar mistake. I've gone and corrected it, so it's gone now! I really didn't want to look up Ellesime's exact dialog, so I tried to be creative about avoiding it while still getting the point across. I felt pretty good about the chapter as a whole -- the only possible problem point, I thought might be the untranslated Elvish with the little girl. But if you didn't notice it being awkward, then it must have worked

I'm glad the romantic scene also works. I hope that it stayed in character for Imoen (especially) and Cassandra (also). And that it was hot, of course.

[Shadowhawke]

Very nice.

The grim focus on the need for Elhan?s suicidal rush, the physical climb into the tree instead of going through the palace, all really built up the tension to confronting Irenicus. I only really had two picks with this chapter; firstly, although I smiled at seeing Irenicus? original lines, they seemed to lose a little of their emotional intensity directed at Cassandra as opposed to Ellesime; this is just my own opinion, but a lot of the impact I felt at that scene was the direct confrontation between the two. I felt that if you wanted same level of emotional intensity at Cassandra and Irenicus? confrontation, it might have been better to focus more on Cassandra and Irenicus? relationship rather than Irenicus and Ellesime. Just my own personal opinion, of course.

There seemed to be a few more grammatical/spelling mistakes than normal (I?ve PMed you with the ones I saw), but I salute your much darker take on the Tree battle with Irenicus. Getting rid of the sapping parasites and replacing them with tendrils of magic was very interesting. As I?ve said before, your tweaking of the Bhaal powers and your much more in-depth look into magic works amazingly. I can?t wait to see what the effects of the magic on Imoen was, and what happens next.

[TC Dale]

Hi there!

Thanks for the comments. I must admit I'm a bit appalled at how many grammatical/typo errors that you found -- and that wasn't even all of them! However, after a thorough re-read, at very least the FIRST half of Ch 17 should read much smoother. I'd like to think the second half is completely mistake-free, but... yeah. Like that ever happens.

I'm glad the changes that I've done to the final battle are working out. I've had to be a bit more creative than usual to make Irenicus out to be the awesome bad guy, and still give the sisters a fighting chance alone (seeing as how they lack a certain brain-damaged sword-swinging ranger, rabid axe-wielding dwarf, etc. to help them). I hope the rest of the battle is also good, and that the ending isn't too cheesy.

I must say it feels weird to be wrapping things up. Crumbling Down has been a labor of love for something like 6 years now and probably runs around 500 pages (it was 250 at Chapter . Closing it off will feel very good on some level, but possibly rather lonely on another. Of course, getting it off my plate frees me up to continue the Imoen Romance mod, which is a Very Good Thing as well.

So... I'll see you next week with the epilogue!

[Shadowhawke]

Wow.

It's been a long journey indeed, and I can see why it is perfect that you wrap it up here. Cassandra and Imoen's journey has been exquisite each step of the way, and you've blended the darkness and the light amazingly well together. The ending was a further blend of that. Thank you so much for sharing this story, and I look forwards to seeing your original work!

[TC Dale]

Thanks! I'm really glad people have enjoyed it, and thank you so much for all your comments Shadowhawke! If I write anything else BG related, I'll be sure to let you guys know But I won't plug my original stuff

I've taken up a job teaching English to foreign speakers here, and I must say the work load is intense and killing me. So I doubt you'll see me that much over the next month or so, but I'll try to stop in and say hi when I have time.