I can understand that...
But it was a good story, nice and tight. Good pacing and an interesting plot.
Although I have to wonder about the rate at which your Renal expends lives... good troops are hard to find.
Perhaps we can convince you to grace us with another tale?
VH
VigaHrolf's Content
There have been 60 items by VigaHrolf (Search limited from 29-April 23)
#110320 Comments on "ambush"
Posted by
on 16 April 2004 - 08:24 AM
in
Scribbles on the Wall
#109014 Comments on "Where o' where can Aerie and..
Posted by
on 09 April 2004 - 11:49 AM
in
Scribbles on the Wall
Discharger...
A humerous tale, but it could use some style work. What my co Mod suggested above, that you seperate out your dialogue into seperate paragraphs... such as
"So, dude, wanna beer?" asked Neeber. "Sure." said Noober. "Cool, bottoms up!"
is harder to read than
"So, dude, wanna beer?" asked Neeber.
"Sure." said Noober.
"Cool, bottoms up!"
You get much better seperation and clarity. And in this case we realize that Neeber said cool, not Noober.
Also, there are a lot of free spell checkers and such out there (Check out Download.com). And I hate to harp on it, but something as simple as spelling really can make or break a story, because it can take your reader out and break the flow.
Welcome though and I hope that you enjoy your stay in FW FanFic
VH
A humerous tale, but it could use some style work. What my co Mod suggested above, that you seperate out your dialogue into seperate paragraphs... such as
"So, dude, wanna beer?" asked Neeber. "Sure." said Noober. "Cool, bottoms up!"
is harder to read than
"So, dude, wanna beer?" asked Neeber.
"Sure." said Noober.
"Cool, bottoms up!"
You get much better seperation and clarity. And in this case we realize that Neeber said cool, not Noober.
Also, there are a lot of free spell checkers and such out there (Check out Download.com). And I hate to harp on it, but something as simple as spelling really can make or break a story, because it can take your reader out and break the flow.
Welcome though and I hope that you enjoy your stay in FW FanFic
VH
#108659 Comments on "With a Vengeance"
Posted by
on 07 April 2004 - 06:38 PM
in
Scribbles on the Wall
Bey,
A wonderful read once again. Always fun to read about a namesake, and this is a most excellent tale for this young lady. Maybe we can convince you to write another? Give us a little more on young Bey.
And also, its always nice to see a punk getting his just rewards.
VH
A wonderful read once again. Always fun to read about a namesake, and this is a most excellent tale for this young lady. Maybe we can convince you to write another? Give us a little more on young Bey.
And also, its always nice to see a punk getting his just rewards.
VH
#108657 Comments on "Witches"
Posted by
on 07 April 2004 - 06:34 PM
in
Scribbles on the Wall
Bwahahaha... now that is a funny funny tale. Its amazing what bored kids will come up with with a little ale in the bellies and not enough sense in their heads.
And loved the Beavis and Butthead routine.
VH
And loved the Beavis and Butthead routine.
VH
#108656 Comments on Losing Grip
Posted by
on 07 April 2004 - 06:27 PM
in
Scribbles on the Wall
I remember this piece as well. A most excellent bit of writing, one I am glad to read again. Glad to see its made its FWS debut.
VH
VH
#108575 Renal Bloodscalp dialogue
Posted by
on 07 April 2004 - 10:53 AM
in
Chloe
Okay, we have Renal, the high level leader of an organization, and angry, armed, and extremely quick person with in arms reach. To quaff that potion, he needs to grab said potion, uncork, drink and wait for it to take effect. Call it 5 seconds at best. All someone has to do is unsheath and slice. And I've seen a 70 year old man unsheath a katana so fast I could barely even see it. Chloe's faster and younger. Call that 2-3 seconds. Renal still loses, or at least its real real bad odds.
Also, the backstabbing... to backstab, one must be unobserved to strike. In a combat situation it would not be the easiest to hide in the shadows. Now with magic you can, but that magic can be countered. I mean in the game, you can be standing in plain sight, hit the button and you're hidden which is just more than a little ridiculous. So I doubt that the party, prepared and ready, would be 'backstabbed into ribbons'.
Yes, it probably leads to a bloodbath. But Renal I doubt really wants to die.
This is just my opinion. *shrug* But I do think that the various and sundry opinions have been made and the modmaker had her say, so let's give her a break, huh?
Also, the backstabbing... to backstab, one must be unobserved to strike. In a combat situation it would not be the easiest to hide in the shadows. Now with magic you can, but that magic can be countered. I mean in the game, you can be standing in plain sight, hit the button and you're hidden which is just more than a little ridiculous. So I doubt that the party, prepared and ready, would be 'backstabbed into ribbons'.
Yes, it probably leads to a bloodbath. But Renal I doubt really wants to die.
This is just my opinion. *shrug* But I do think that the various and sundry opinions have been made and the modmaker had her say, so let's give her a break, huh?
#108542 Renal Bloodscalp dialogue
Posted by
on 07 April 2004 - 08:39 AM
in
Chloe
I guess one could look at this as 'Hand Cannon Syndrome'
That is, Renal is looking down the barrel of a large gun and its pointed at his head. That is Chloe and her new friends. He wants to save his skin.. yada yada. That could intimidate, but I would agree it doesn't quite fit.... but not in my opinion for the intimidation factor but in the unwillingness to pay. If you hire mercs and don't pay them, you won't get more mercs. At least good ones. That would weaken his position as would his breaking 'business deals'
Now a few of his associates coming to visit later on and trying to get Chloe with some poisoned daggers or such, that would help it out, reinforce it a little.
Just thinking out loud here. Course it never really bothered me when I saw the scene. *shrug*
VH
That is, Renal is looking down the barrel of a large gun and its pointed at his head. That is Chloe and her new friends. He wants to save his skin.. yada yada. That could intimidate, but I would agree it doesn't quite fit.... but not in my opinion for the intimidation factor but in the unwillingness to pay. If you hire mercs and don't pay them, you won't get more mercs. At least good ones. That would weaken his position as would his breaking 'business deals'
Now a few of his associates coming to visit later on and trying to get Chloe with some poisoned daggers or such, that would help it out, reinforce it a little.
Just thinking out loud here. Course it never really bothered me when I saw the scene. *shrug*
VH
#108261 Love titbit (minor spoiler)
Posted by
on 05 April 2004 - 12:29 PM
in
Return to Windspear
Hey. Just to blow the spread on this, I'll comment. 
I think it is quite interesting, although the opening part is hard to to assess considering the lack of context. I imagine it some sort of vision or whatnot. But, it is interesting nonetheless.
As to Jaheira's response, the words are definitely in character for her. The light kiss I think is also a nice touch. You capture the stern/sweet thing.
----
Also, I would have to agree that the Jaheira romance is the richest and fullest of the major romances, one that ties so well into the rest of the game, even if it is buggy. Always been a fan of it since I gave it a spin.
VH
I think it is quite interesting, although the opening part is hard to to assess considering the lack of context. I imagine it some sort of vision or whatnot. But, it is interesting nonetheless.
As to Jaheira's response, the words are definitely in character for her. The light kiss I think is also a nice touch. You capture the stern/sweet thing.
----
Also, I would have to agree that the Jaheira romance is the richest and fullest of the major romances, one that ties so well into the rest of the game, even if it is buggy. Always been a fan of it since I gave it a spin.
VH
#108085 Imoen's hair color is infectious
Posted by
on 04 April 2004 - 10:57 AM
in
Layers of Reality
Keldorn the Raver. The most notorious of the Order's ravers, Keldorn has been seen shakin his codpiece from Waterdeep to Calimport. 
Love these...
Love these...
#107553 The Village Order
Posted by
on 02 April 2004 - 02:53 PM
in
Layers of Reality
Whoa.. that's just wacky. Aerazzy? Marie? Ye gods.
