107 replies to this topic

[Orthodoxia]

Yes well, I'll let him stew in ignorance a while longer

[Epantiras]

Death and carnage, if you've played the game

*dance*

BTW after reading I've imagined Gann going to shop, double parking Okku. An unfortunate policeman was going to fine him but had been discouraged by Okku's "bear diplomacy" XD

[Orthodoxia]

You also have to take into account how absolutely awesome Okku is to have when in traffic jam

[Jazhara7]

You also have to take into account how absolutely awesome Okku is to have when in traffic jam

Indeed. I bet you'd turn at least a few heads when they see a technicolor bear climbing over their cars.


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[Shadowhawke]

Hey Orthodoxia! Just dropping in to let you know my thoughts about your last chapter. I have to say, I liked the insight into Gann's thoughts about Aneele, as well as how everybody else is reacting to their planned trip. And as always, I love your addition of humour and reality to it all. Not to mention the insight into Okku and Aneele's relationship. I can't wait until the next chapter.

[Orthodoxia]

You also have to take into account how absolutely awesome Okku is to have when in traffic jam

Indeed. I bet you'd turn at least a few heads when they see a technicolor bear climbing over their cars.


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Ah, but you must know that no one would believe that there really is a technicolor bear climbing over their cars, so no one would call the national guard and they would happily ignore the huge paw prints on their vehicles That is why Okku is the best to have in a traffic jam. No one wants to argue their sanity

Hey Orthodoxia! Just dropping in to let you know my thoughts about your last chapter. I have to say, I liked the insight into Gann's thoughts about Aneele, as well as how everybody else is reacting to their planned trip. And as always, I love your addition of humour and reality to it all. Not to mention the insight into Okku and Aneele's relationship. I can't wait until the next chapter.

I can't work without humour, even if it's just minimal And Okku holds a very special place in Aneele's heart. Gann is yet to worm his way in

Thank you very much for the review. These keep me going

[Solar's Harper]

Kelemvor sure does have a way of not making one feel guilty about giving mortals a reason to disregard faith in their almighty. Aneele sure is too confident for her own good though, good character development in that regard,

Spoiler

just a pity that she'd be in for a world of consequences if she acts all rebel like huh.

Overall a nice chapter Orthodoxia; would've preferred a little more interactive detail concerning the guardians, but that's just a personal preference for a bit of action now and then so no biggie. Looking forward to the Akachi showdown with great anticipation.

[Orthodoxia]

Aneele currently does not have a soul, only reason. Therefore, she will do a reasonable thing. We all would prefer otherwise though

Yes, well, for one, I didn't consider them all that important, and two, you know I run from battle observations the moment I spot them >.< The reason behind that is that I do not have a good grasp of english in department of weaponry and moves. Sometimes I have trouble understanding what Salvatore meant for his characters to do when describing some actions. I go, "He did what? With what? Is that even physically possible?"

I need to find a good book or something with descent battle descriptions in it >.<

[Leila]

Heh, is it wrong of me to feel good about Kaelyn not really getting her way in the Crusade? With your description of Aneele's pre-soulless self I'd imagine even after getting it back she still wouldn't participate.

I actually like that you don't describe battles. Especially when it comes to games, where the action is frequent but without much variation, it can be very tedious to try and describe all 50 ways to hurt someone, and still sound realistic. It can also be very tedious to read it.

[Jazhara7]

Aneele currently does not have a soul, only reason. Therefore, she will do a reasonable thing. We all would prefer otherwise though

Yes, well, for one, I didn't consider them all that important, and two, you know I run from battle observations the moment I spot them >.< The reason behind that is that I do not have a good grasp of english in department of weaponry and moves. Sometimes I have trouble understanding what Salvatore meant for his characters to do when describing some actions. I go, "He did what? With what? Is that even physically possible?"

I need to find a good book or something with descent battle descriptions in it >.<

If it's any consolation to you, I was utterly confused when I saw the first Harry Potter movies. Why? Well, for the entire three books I had pictured them as wearing capes and using them to do magic with, so them suddenly having little sticks, though that concept is not unfamiliar to me either, as it's what usually is done in German magic tales, instead, threw my little order of the Harry Potter universe into disarray. Why did I imagine them with capes? Well, I had been unfamiliar with the term "Wand", and instead of looking it up, I tried to make sense of it while reading. I knew it was an object. It sounded a bit like the german "Gewand", meaning "clothing", "Robe", "garment". It was also not only the German sound, but also the fact that I had the US versions of the first three books, and not a single Magic Wand was visible on that, but Harry was wearing a red cape on every single one. So I connected the dots, and reasoned: They're using capes for magic. Sure, I was a bit confused how taping it together with Scotch tape should work as described to be done with Ron's wand in in book three (I taping cloth with scotch tape is not a very permanent solution, as you can probably imagine. You need at least Duct tape for that.), but I was ready to disregard that. And when the first movie finally came, no cloaks were there. Only slowly did I realise that "Wand" was the English term for "Zauberstab" ("Magic stick", though "stick" is a much less glamorous term than "Stab". ).

So yeah, lack of knowledge of certain terms is not necessarily a problem. And I too have to say I actually prefer a lack of fighting that is described.



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[Shadowhawke]

Hey Orthodoxia!

First of all, I just wanted to say 'wow'. I really enjoyed this chapter - the descriptions of the battle, Kelemvor's talk with Kaelyn, Aneele's stubbornness and the part at the end... I know you previously said you'd planned more with Gann and Aneele but it didn't fit, but the cliffhanger/promise you left at the end felt like a beautiful full circle to the ground you laid down at the beginning. Also, Aneele's discussions with her 'army' had a very nice feel to them - as did the descriptions of Safiya, Gann and Okku's fighting. Just enough to give us a vividly painted image, but not too much to overload us.

Now, the only constructive criticism I have is pointing out just a few little spelling errors - I think you meant 'an' instead of 'and' in

As and afterthought she added, ?It will be used.?

. And 'not' instead of 'no' in

She'd be a fool not to use them.

Other than that, absolutely no other nitpickings. I really, really enjoyed this chapter, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

[Orthodoxia]

Heh, is it wrong of me to feel good about Kaelyn not really getting her way in the Crusade? With your description of Aneele's pre-soulless self I'd imagine even after getting it back she still wouldn't participate.

I actually like that you don't describe battles. Especially when it comes to games, where the action is frequent but without much variation, it can be very tedious to try and describe all 50 ways to hurt someone, and still sound realistic. It can also be very tedious to read it.

Pre-soulless Aneele wouldn't want to get involved at all. She's like that, a non-involving type
My point exactly. There are so many battles in game that it is sometimes very hard to discern which one is important to the story and which one could be fun to read. And a description of one of two battles could be interesting, especially if something crucial happens during or right after it. But going through every goblin/robber/being from outer planes is tedious.

I stick to my motto, ?no battle description is better than bad a battle description.? At least until I learn better.

If it's any consolation to you, I was utterly confused when I saw the first Harry Potter movies. Why? Well, for the entire three books I had pictured them as wearing capes and using them to do magic with, so them suddenly having little sticks, though that concept is not unfamiliar to me either, as it's what usually is done in German magic tales, instead, threw my little order of the Harry Potter universe into disarray. Why did I imagine them with capes? Well, I had been unfamiliar with the term "Wand", and instead of looking it up, I tried to make sense of it while reading. I knew it was an object. It sounded a bit like the german "Gewand", meaning "clothing", "Robe", "garment". It was also not only the German sound, but also the fact that I had the US versions of the first three books, and not a single Magic Wand was visible on that, but Harry was wearing a red cape on every single one. So I connected the dots, and reasoned: They're using capes for magic. Sure, I was a bit confused how taping it together with Scotch tape should work as described to be done with Ron's wand in in book three (I taping cloth with scotch tape is not a very permanent solution, as you can probably imagine. You need at least Duct tape for that.), but I was ready to disregard that. And when the first movie finally came, no cloaks were there. Only slowly did I realise that "Wand" was the English term for "Zauberstab" ("Magic stick", though "stick" is a much less glamorous term than "Stab". ).

So yeah, lack of knowledge of certain terms is not necessarily a problem. And I too have to say I actually prefer a lack of fighting that is described.



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That is weird Why didn't they translate it like that straight away?

Hey Orthodoxia!

First of all, I just wanted to say 'wow'. I really enjoyed this chapter - the descriptions of the battle, Kelemvor's talk with Kaelyn, Aneele's stubbornness and the part at the end... I know you previously said you'd planned more with Gann and Aneele but it didn't fit, but the cliffhanger/promise you left at the end felt like a beautiful full circle to the ground you laid down at the beginning. Also, Aneele's discussions with her 'army' had a very nice feel to them - as did the descriptions of Safiya, Gann and Okku's fighting. Just enough to give us a vividly painted image, but not too much to overload us.

Now, the only constructive criticism I have is pointing out just a few little spelling errors - I think you meant 'an' instead of 'and' in

As and afterthought she added, ?It will be used.?

. And 'not' instead of 'no' in

She'd be a fool not to use them.

Other than that, absolutely no other nitpickings. I really, really enjoyed this chapter, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

Thanks I find it difficult sometimes to balance my own words with those from the game. so I'm glad it had worked out well. And I had to split chapter into two, it would be too big otherwise, again. Next chapter, Aneele/Gann galore

And nitpickings are good. Nitpickings prevent disasters from happening Thanks for noticing those.

[Jazhara7]

If it's any consolation to you, I was utterly confused when I saw the first Harry Potter movies. Why? Well, for the entire three books I had pictured them as wearing capes and using them to do magic with, so them suddenly having little sticks, though that concept is not unfamiliar to me either, as it's what usually is done in German magic tales, instead, threw my little order of the Harry Potter universe into disarray. Why did I imagine them with capes? Well, I had been unfamiliar with the term "Wand", and instead of looking it up, I tried to make sense of it while reading. I knew it was an object. It sounded a bit like the german "Gewand", meaning "clothing", "Robe", "garment". It was also not only the German sound, but also the fact that I had the US versions of the first three books, and not a single Magic Wand was visible on that, but Harry was wearing a red cape on every single one. So I connected the dots, and reasoned: They're using capes for magic. Sure, I was a bit confused how taping it together with Scotch tape should work as described to be done with Ron's wand in in book three (I taping cloth with scotch tape is not a very permanent solution, as you can probably imagine. You need at least Duct tape for that.), but I was ready to disregard that. And when the first movie finally came, no cloaks were there. Only slowly did I realise that "Wand" was the English term for "Zauberstab" ("Magic stick", though "stick" is a much less glamorous term than "Stab". ).

So yeah, lack of knowledge of certain terms is not necessarily a problem. And I too have to say I actually prefer a lack of fighting that is described.



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That is weird Why didn't they translate it like that straight away?

You misunderstand. I was reading the books in English - The US editions. I read them before they were even publicly known in Germany (I am not sure if they had yet been translated). So it was my error and a bit of lazyness on my part to look up an unfamiliar word, that caused this mistake.


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Edited by Jazhara7, 03 May 2009 - 07:23 AM.

[Orthodoxia]

Oh Well, as you can see, we both can misread or misunderstand things

[Epantiras]

I've just finished reading chapter 15 yay
I liked Ammon giving Aneele those scrolls (I chose to fight against the Crusade so he didn't show up in my game but I think that in the game Jerro didn't give Charname anything).
I also liked the "I am not Akachi" / "I am not a fallen solar" thing, really liked it, actually. It gives more personality to that fat green bastard that brought me to despair twice before I could actually defeat him (ack poor Araman, he always fell first).
Speaking of Araman, I suddenly had a "WTF?" moment when Kaelyn asked Aneele about her decision to spare his life, it's been a while since I read the previous chapters, but I remember correctly you've skipped both the final confrontation with Araman and the speech with the Founder. If you haven't played the game, following the plot could be a little confusing. If I am mistaken, feel free to smash the swor of Gith on my head. Or the Sould Reaver, if you wish ;-)
It is good that you didn't describe the battle, but I felt a strong plot "gap" between "I am here now. What is your plan of attack?? and ?Your book?. I think it will take a little to catch up with the story if you've not played the games.
I'd have to complain also that it was not clear that Rammaq is a demilich in the form of a jeweled skull and that Sey'ryu is the dragon. It can be understood with a little reasoning but there is no direct link between name and creature.
It seems I've either forgotten or never read about Aneele's faith - from what I can understand from the 15th chapter, it seems she's a follower of a chaotic goddess "When such time came he would have to take it up with her Lady. After all, her soul already had a designated place to go to." so, if it's never been mentioned in the story, I suspect I know *who* that Lady is ;-) (ToB?)
Since Gann could not join Aneele in her dreams, it means she did not have enough influence on her - though, poor Gann, always being bossed around and yelled at by that crew of women v_v I almost feel sorry for him - almost. So now we have Gann-of-Hens also know as Henpecked Gann XD

And, last but not least:

he prayed to the spirits that they wouldn?t find Aneele dead and Kaelyn holding the Silver Sword of Gith.

I felt shivers run down my spine while reading this sentence! Quite disturbing XD

[Orthodoxia]

Yay! Detailed review with lots of nitpicking

I've just finished reading chapter 15 yay
I liked Ammon giving Aneele those scrolls (I chose to fight against the Crusade so he didn't show up in my game but I think that in the game Jerro didn't give Charname anything).

He doesn't either in game but this was a special delivery for young warlock in bloom Let the summoning galore begin!

I also liked the "I am not Akachi" / "I am not a fallen solar" thing, really liked it, actually. It gives more personality to that fat green bastard that brought me to despair twice before I could actually defeat him (ack poor Araman, he always fell first).
Speaking of Araman, I suddenly had a "WTF?" moment when Kaelyn asked Aneele about her decision to spare his life, it's been a while since I read the previous chapters, but I remember correctly you've skipped both the final confrontation with Araman and the speech with the Founder. If you haven't played the game, following the plot could be a little confusing. If I am mistaken, feel free to smash the swor of Gith on my head. Or the Sould Reaver, if you wish ;-)

Ah, that... <.< >.> The simple answer would be, that Araman is a pain where the sun doesn't shine and I was tired of his pro-crusade attitude - which resulted in cutting the battles short. As for him staying in one piece and not being devoured, Aneele changes her opinion they way wind blows.

It is good that you didn't describe the battle, but I felt a strong plot "gap" between "I am here now. What is your plan of attack?? and ?Your book?. I think it will take a little to catch up with the story if you've not played the games.
I'd have to complain also that it was not clear that Rammaq is a demilich in the form of a jeweled skull and that Sey'ryu is the dragon. It can be understood with a little reasoning but there is no direct link between name and creature.

I see your point, but when I started to write this it was with an intention to be read by those who had played the game. A bad choice I know, and not one any writer should make. In a way I hope I will learn from this and do more detailed descriptions in any future story

It seems I've either forgotten or never read about Aneele's faith - from what I can understand from the 15th chapter, it seems she's a follower of a chaotic goddess "When such time came he would have to take it up with her Lady. After all, her soul already had a designated place to go to." so, if it's never been mentioned in the story, I suspect I know *who* that Lady is ;-) (ToB?)

Neutral (for the most part anyway). And yes, ahem, it would be *that* Lady, the famous, "oh my dear LoM thing" >.> And no, it's not mentioned in the story. I like to let people guess ;-)

Since Gann could not join Aneele in her dreams, it means she did not have enough influence on her - though, poor Gann, always being bossed around and yelled at by that crew of women v_v I almost feel sorry for him - almost. So now we have Gann-of-Hens also know as Henpecked Gann XD

It was more reluctance and shock on his part. I don't think anyone would relish to jump into spirit-eater's head off the bat, love or not. Which is why it never sit with me well that a Bhaalspawn should have successful romantic relationship past the Spellhold. I mean, you have to nuts to romance a giant lobster monster with anger issues and timer over her head >.<

And, last but not least:

he prayed to the spirits that they wouldn?t find Aneele dead and Kaelyn holding the Silver Sword of Gith.

I felt shivers run down my spine while reading this sentence! Quite disturbing XD

I had a reviewer say this as well on ff.net, and I really can't imagine why Yes, Kaelyn may want the sword for herself and her own crusade but something like that would have to be explored in a future story, provided I wrote one of course. Besides, Aneele would have chopped off the angel's wings long ago if she suspected that turn of events to actually happen.

Thanks for the review Epantiras *insert choking electronic hugs here*

[Solar's Harper]

Epic cliffhanger Orthodoxia, one could almost argue that given Ele'ena's physical condition she might not survive much longer with the curse gone.

But ahh, that's speculation ain't it. The cold character of Aneele really chilled that chapter nicely, especially when it came down to it that Gann really had no choice but to support her or become another victim of the soul eater. No escapes there as much as he'd want it.

On a job well done.

[Orthodoxia]

Thank you I have to admit, this was one of my favourite chapters to date. Emotionless Aneele is a breeze to write, and now I dread that I have to return to more emotional aspects of her personality

[Shadowhawke]

Awesome. Thanks so much for the update, Orthodoxia! I loved Gann and Aneele's interaction here, especially because it came out so well. Her dismissive manner was perfect, and so was Gann's responses. Also found their discussion of the Reapers and her memories really interesting... really made me reflect on what we learnt in Silver Shards on the Blue Moonlight. As for the cliffhanger... what can I say? Evil, thrilling, and totally leaving me hanging on for the next chapter.

As for writing Aneele/Ele'ena again with emotions - I know you're feeling worried, but I'm sure you'll do it fine. It worked wonderfully and believably in Silver Shards, so I'm sure it'll work well for you again.

[Orthodoxia]

Thank you, I'm glad I managed to pull off an interesting chapter for my readers I had hoped that people would be able to see here Aneele's opinion of all the people back at Crossroad Keep. She doesn't hold them in high regard, doesn't she?

I thank you for the vote of confidence Shadowhawke, but Aneele/Ele'ena was a normal growing girl with real problems in Silver Shards - now she's an emotional mess with imaginary problems.

...does that count as spoiler