44 replies to this topic

[WeeRLegion]

Hmmhhmmm...

Interesting...

You know, you seem to focus on directly describing the emotions and general background events here.
From my experience as a reader, I'd say that such descriptions are usually best accompanied by tiny little links to the "real-world", physical simple reactions and actions that hint at emotions running thick underneath.
Staring in some manner, averting eyes, shifting a foot, blinking, wiping your nose, casual gestures... Anything that doesn't add anything but enriches the whole.

Other than that, it's always interesting to read a story where you don't know what happens next.

[DalreïDal]

Hey WeeRLegion! You're one faithful reviewer... Thanks a lot for that And you provide constructive criticism too

WeeRLegion, on Apr 30 2007, 06:31 PM, said:

Hmmhhmmm...

Interesting...

You know, you seem to focus on directly describing the emotions and general background events here.
From my experience as a reader, I'd say that such descriptions are usually best accompanied by tiny little links to the "real-world", physical simple reactions and actions that hint at emotions running thick underneath.
Staring in some manner, averting eyes, shifting a foot, blinking, wiping your nose, casual gestures... Anything that doesn't add anything but enriches the whole.

Other than that, it's always interesting to read a story where you don't know what happens next.

Yes, yes, I know *sigh* descriptions are my weakness... though I AM making an effort. This is somewhat of a prologue, and it was an introspective one (part of the reason why I kept it really short), so I know there's not much real world in it... though I don't see how I could inject more references without spoiling the mood... which is sort of... well... gloomy.

I promise I'll try to make more descriptions in chapters to come... and more casual gestures that speak of the emotions underneath.

Thanks again for the review

[Shadowhawke]

Hey, very interesting. And don't worry, DalreiDal. I'm sure we've all had a few occasions when we've wanted to run more than one story simultaneously... it's the muse. They never let up on us . And it seems that it's a very worthy effort indeed here! I was, like WeeRLegion, quite interested in the descriptions of Ilire's emotions. It's quite appropriate given that her husband is going away (and with such bad timing!) after all. However, I'll also agree on the description in general. Like WeeRLegion said, just perhaps a description of her physical movement to accompany her feelings, or even just linking her emotions to perhaps the environment.

Other than that, it's quite enjoyable. I'm very interested to see what's happening next, especially without canon to guide us!

[Dark-Mage]

Interesting start :-)

Like others have said, the lack of connection to the physical world is a minor drawback - a very minor drawback when you take into account your excellent description of her emotions. It served to set the scene quite well, keep up the good work :-)

[DalreïDal]

Hi! Thanks to both of you for the new reviews

Shadowhawke, on May 6 2007, 07:25 AM, said:

Hey, very interesting. And don't worry, DalreiDal. I'm sure we've all had a few occasions when we've wanted to run more than one story simultaneously... it's the muse. They never let up on us . And it seems that it's a very worthy effort indeed here! I was, like WeeRLegion, quite interested in the descriptions of Ilire's emotions. It's quite appropriate given that her husband is going away (and with such bad timing!) after all. However, I'll also agree on the description in general. Like WeeRLegion said, just perhaps a description of her physical movement to accompany her feelings, or even just linking her emotions to perhaps the environment.

Other than that, it's quite enjoyable. I'm very interested to see what's happening next, especially without canon to guide us!

Thanks for the kind words, and I swear, I'm working on my real-world descriptions. Constantly, and hard too. One day it will show, I swear I'm aware it was only an epilogue, but there will be another chapter with a longer word-count soon, and it won't be quite so contemplative. A little more action and real-world. Thanks again

Dark-Mage, on May 6 2007, 07:42 PM, said:

Interesting start :-)

Like others have said, the lack of connection to the physical world is a minor drawback - a very minor drawback when you take into account your excellent description of her emotions. It served to set the scene quite well, keep up the good work :-)

Thanks, Dark-Mage. Point taken about the connection to the physical world, and big smile on my face right now because of the rest of your review I'll take your encouragement to heart and will get on writing more right away...

[WeeRLegion]

Ohhnoes! It was an EPILOGUE! I have missed it all!



Sorry, in case you didn't notice, this is a wasteful waste of a post slot.

Edited by WeeRLegion, 07 May 2007 - 06:17 AM.

[DalreïDal]

WeeRLegion, on May 7 2007, 10:16 AM, said:

Ohhnoes! It was an EPILOGUE! I have missed it all!



Sorry, in case you didn't notice, this is a wasteful waste of a post slot.

Alright, alright, it's labelled "chapter", but it's got the spirit of an epilogue. Maybe I SHOULD have called it "epilogue", but I pondered for a while just before posting it, and I saw no real reason to do so, so it's called "chapter". Should I change it!?

[DalreïDal]

I thought I'd make this bump up as well... I managed to make it this weekend for a new chapter of The Irony of Fate. Wow, my score's getting better for not being late on my chapter posting

Hey, btw, please send in a few reviews? I want to know how my efforts at physical descriptions have paid off...

Edited by DalreïDal, 17 June 2007 - 04:28 PM.

[Shadowhawke]

Don't worry, my friend. *hugs*. As if we could not review your latest chapter. I would say that it is arguably one of the best chapters that you've written before in terms of physical description and flow. Seriously, there's a marked difference between it and the first chapter you ever posted, so excellent work! The writing was incredibly smooth and the characters interplayed well. I also find it interesting how you're writing Irony of Fate from the point of view of the family left behind. That's not a viewpoint often taken, and it's working very well for you

Awesome work, DalreiDal.

[DalreïDal]

Hey, Shadowhawke, thanks! Very nice to get a review from you Ouf, I'm glad the physical aspect of storytelling finally pays off. Darn made me sweat blood and tears, but one good comment on it made it all worthwhile!!! Enjoy the Ilvastarr point of view while it lasts... soon the story will shift its focus back to Ilire (being captured and tortured for weeks deserves some particular attention after all), but I'd say you've got a chapter or two left of "foreigners"' point of view. Again, thanks for reviewing Made my day!

[WeeRLegion]

Whow! Wonderfully chaotic going there...
At first i thought it was simply interesting how you'd drawn the Windspear mysteries closer to the main storyline, but now...
Just wonderful, throwing Irenicus into the soup.

A good job also on making them nobles sound like them nobles.

Do keep it up, it'll be a thriller to read how the peices will lock up further on.


[edit]Oh yeah, and gotta agree with Shadowhawke's last comment there, didn't get any splinters in my eyes while reading so you gotta be doing something very right and smooth. [/edit]

Edited by WeeRLegion, 17 June 2007 - 11:23 PM.

[DalreïDal]

WeeRLegion, on Jun 18 2007, 03:20 AM, said:

Whow! Wonderfully chaotic going there...
At first i thought it was simply interesting how you'd drawn the Windspear mysteries closer to the main storyline, but now...
Just wonderful, throwing Irenicus into the soup.

Woooow... thanks!!!

WeeRLegion, on Jun 18 2007, 03:20 AM, said:

A good job also on making them nobles sound like them nobles.

I do endeavour to elevate my speech to their level, in spite of my improper mastery of all the subtelties of English levels of language...

WeeRLegion, on Jun 18 2007, 03:20 AM, said:

Do keep it up, it'll be a thriller to read how the peices will lock up further on.

Thanks! I'll try to keep that rythm up and post another chapter in two weeks...

WeeRLegion, on Jun 18 2007, 03:20 AM, said:

[edit]Oh yeah, and gotta agree with Shadowhawke's last comment there, didn't get any splinters in my eyes while reading so you gotta be doing something very right and smooth. [/edit]

LOL. Sorry if I ever gave you splinters in your eyes... damn, that must be uncomfortable!

Edited by DalreïDal, 19 June 2007 - 05:03 AM.

[DalreïDal]

Making this follow the other thread as has become usual... *sigh*

[Celestine]

Convincing, DalreïDal. I pity Keldorn and i like the indirect mention of Anomen. Continue soon, k?

[Shadowhawke]

Wow, DalreiDal. I really enjoyed this new chapter, expecially because for the first time I think I began to realise where you're heading this... very nice. I'm really looking forards to seeing more of this now, to see if my suspicions will be confirmed

[DalreïDal]

Hi! Sorry for the delay in answering the reviews, I've been away on vacation. It's been a real nice trip and I've recuperated (read: slept) a lot.

Celestine, on Jul 30 2007, 01:43 AM, said:

Convincing, DalreïDal. I pity Keldorn and i like the indirect mention of Anomen. Continue soon, k?

Hey Celestine Yes, I think Keldorn will need a bit of your pity, especially when you read the next chapter... which will come relatively soon, I promise Thanks a lot for reviewing.

Shadowhawke, on Aug 5 2007, 12:49 AM, said:

Wow, DalreiDal. I really enjoyed this new chapter, expecially because for the first time I think I began to realise where you're heading this... very nice. I'm really looking forards to seeing more of this now, to see if my suspicions will be confirmed

Hi Shadowhawke! Well, I'm curious too to see if you could really guess where I'm going with this. I wasn't too sure myself until the two thirds of the story (I've written ahead, so it means next chapters will come relatively quickly). Thank you very much for reviewing again

Edited by DalreïDal, 05 August 2007 - 03:45 PM.

[DalreïDal]

Just moving this up the forums again...

[Shadowhawke]

Hey again, my friend. . I'm so sorry I haven't reviewed this wonderful fic for a while; I only just caught up today.

Which means I can tell you with absolute sincerity how beautiful your latest chapters were.

Your character portrayals were absolutely perfect (in my view ). You gave Anomen real depth of character that is often lacking in even the game at some areas, and as a Bhaalspawn, Ilire is done absolutely wonderfully. Your latest chapters especially were incredibly moving and written so well I almost saw the events unfolding in front of me.

In short, my friend, you've done some marvellous work, and I can't wait for you to write more.

[DalreïDal]

Hi Shadowhawke!

You know your review is a good relief I was getting desperate that this story was still being read at all... I know I've neglected it a bit during the holidays, but things are back on track now (more or less).

As for giving Anomen depth of character, I guess I'm guilty as charged... I do like him, no matter what anyone else might say about his righteous arrogance, eheh.

Anyway, thanks a lot for the review and for the kind words. I appreciate it!

[Solstice]

Confession: I forgot about this story until I saw this thread up on the first page again-I had to go back and reread the whole thing because I couldn't remember what was going on (you try simultaneously reading about a dozen Baldur's Gate fanfics updated at unpredictable intervals and keeping them all straight). I'll be sure to watch it more closely from here on out-was an enjoyable read.